Always in motion is the future.

Tagged with a Splotchy virus by Randal. My contribution is after the rules...

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

The ground crunched beneath my feet. Besides my noisy footsteps, I heard only the sound of the gentle crackling fire behind me. Its faint orange light lazily revealed my immediate surroundings. Beyond the glow, there was total blackness. I whistled. I took the small rock I had been carrying and whipped it away from me, expecting a thud, crack or plop -- but a soft yelp of a cry answered. [Splotchy]

Failing to leap tall buildings of uneaten Nestlé Crunch and Krackel bars in a single bound, I had waded through them instead, the crunchiness of the candy adding to the crunchiness of the drought-stricken, pebble-strewn soil, elevating the aural to a heretofore unknown level of crunchiness, as if Dick Cheney himself were trampling the defleshed bones of third world refugee children scattered about his clawed feet, the dried marrow spewing forth from between shards glistening in the wan moonlight.

I shivered.

Silently thanking the Old Ones that I had decided to stuff my backpack with packets of instant coffee instead of those mini boxes of Rice Krispies or stalks of celery because those things are far too crunchy in comparison to things that are not like packets of instant coffee and all that Xtreme! crunchiness would've only disoriented my delicate sense of hearing, therefore preventing me from ever hearing the creature amidst the cacophony. Sore feet and a diet of nothing but caffeine and sugar for days and days. No wonder I ended up lost in this haunted quail preserve.

That feeble sound, I soon found out, was made not by a hideous hellbeast bent on tricking me by deceptive vocal prestidigitation into becoming its next meal, but by a meek, mousy, nearly hairless creature no more than three feet tall, almost like a midget hobbit dwarf with skin more pale than a made-up Twilight extra who dwells in a sunless condo. As it entered the camp, illumined by the rustle and pop of burning wood, I saw through the curling smoke that it was visibly frightened. I calmly gestured towards it, quickly pulling back, trying to reassure it that I meant no harm.

"Do you understand me? Can you speak? Who are you?"

"My name -- my name is Dick Cheney." [Randal Graves]

-----

I'd been living with Cheney in his small hut for only a matter of weeks but it seemed to have been years at this point. I had come to this haunted quail preserve looking for Cheney, hoping he could train me as he had my father.

So far all I'd faced was exhaustive physical training peppered with gems of Cheney's grammatically challenged "wisdom" as he taught me how to try and change reality through sheer exertion of willpower. I was having trouble taking Cheney's ancient bullshit belief seriously.

Today I was running through a jungle obstacle course with Cheney, as usual, perched lazily on my back sipping from an airplane bottle of scotch. We (I) had been running, swinging and jumping through the impenetrable brush for several sweat-soaked hours already when he tapped me on the shoulder.

"Piss, I must."

Having to go myself and grateful for the respite I skidded to a stop and placed the horrible little gnome onto the ground next to me. We both unzipped and started to drain our rancors. Curious; I snuck a glance at his miniature lightsaber. He must of caught sight of me looking.

"Judge me by my size? Size matters not."

Cheney groaned and shook his head. He put his repulsive, gnarled claw on my hand led me to a nearby clearing. At it's immediate center sat a small, grizzled man with an unbelievably long, white beard.

"Control the mind of the Blitzer you must," said Cheney.

"I can't Master Cheney," I whined. "He's too logical."

"That," he sighed, "is why you fail." [Dean Wormer]

Whomever wants to take up the story (don? Lockwood? ladybug?) please feel free. :-)

Continue with the operation; you may fire when ready.

>I got about fifty things I want to post about right now but very little time so instead I give you this cool link with which you can generate your own Star Wars intro.

I'm sure you guys can come up with something funny. Especially Dr. Zaius. Underpants Wars?

Here's one of mine...

UPDATE- In the time it took me to write this post, find a quote and a picture Lucasfilm sent a cease and desist and shut the website down.

They want to keep the crap content exclusive to themselves and the Bearded One himself.

Jerks

You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Here's the last part of Ted Kennedy's most famous speech delivered at the Democratic convention in 1980.

The dream will never die.

That's why you no liking us meesa thinks.

My 14-year old guitar playing daughter just replaced this poster...

...with this poster...

...on her bedroom wall.

This makes me happy on so many levels I'm unable to list them all here.

We also had a nice father/ daughter bonding moment as we burned the Jar Jar poster in the yard and cracked wise ("Meesa no likea the fire. No Ani, no.....")

Muhahaha!

Han, mah bukee, keel-ee caleya ku kah.

I'm just posting this headline from the Washington Post because it makes me chuckle: Limbaugh Weighs In.

No doubt the byline goes to Al Franken.

As for the substance of the article I'd just point out that the Limbaughs and Coulters of the world think they're too clever by half with this stuff. Whether they're trying to pull a reverse head-fake or just stir up their audience it's not effective because they JUST AREN'T RELEVANT.

People have to care what you say before you can actuallyget a rise out of them.

He doesn't like you.

Of course the administration is in contempt of congress. They're in contempt of pretty much everybody that doesn't make up the shrinking base of Bush Dead-Enders these days.

Marty Lederman informs us congress has three options-

1) Ask the U.S. Attorney to prosecute. The administration signaled yesterday that they wouldn't allow that to happen. (Again with that confusion the President seems to demonstrate between the role of the Attorney General and the Solicitor General. One serves the President, the other serves the people. )

2) They could have the Sergeant at Arms arrest and put on trial those administration officials directly in contempt.

3) They could file a civil suit. This would take forever to resolve.

I vote for option 2 but apparently this is the least likely of the bunch. Odd. Considering the administration's complete unwillingness to work with congress and total stonewalling I'd suggest it was the best solution.

(For the REAL story on what happened to the guy who had his arm cut off by Obi-Wan watch the video below. It's all just a sad misunderstanding.)

Don't underestimate the Force.

Star Wars.

Were the horrible prequel triology not now a permanent part of the story there isn't a doubt on my mind that I'd want to say something today to mark the anniversary of the release of that first film thirty (thirty!) years ago. As it was I almost let the date pass. Almost. Then I read this really heartfelt ode to that wonderful first film and started to reflect and then, finally, to get quite a bit nostalgic.

I remember vividly remember seeing Star Wars as a kid. For my birthday my parents rented a van and took a bunch of my classmates and me to a showing at the now defunct Westgate cinemas. I'd seen a few movies before then but it was still unreal that we had to wait in line for over an hour just to see a movie. The sense of anticipation was crazy.

Everything after the point film started, the lights dimmed and the Twentieth Century Fox came up with those drums played and the end credits over John Williams greatest score is a blur. I remember this film as the first movie that had completely captured my imagination. At no point was I sitting there in a dirty theater with spilled pop and popcorn on the floor- I WAS in a galaxy far, far away having all sorts of adventures with Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and their sidekicks. It was an out of body experience.

I had an older friend named Larry who passed away a couple of years ago of whom which we shared a mutual, and lifetime love of film. Larry had an extensive collection of hand written lists he asked people to write over the years listing their top ten films. I asked Larry one time what was the film that really hooked him on cinema and why. He answered that his favorite move "Shane" had been the first film that had really hit him when he saw it as a child and that "it was the first time I had an out of body experience."

Regardless of the lousy prequels, Jar Jar and the sad, sad decline of George Lucas I still owe Star Wars something very important to who I am. My love of film is a direct result of the imagination and effort of Lucas, Williams and company those thirty years ago. For that I am immensly greatful.

May the force be with you.

Dean

Yeah, you're crazy Jar-Jar.

I'm sorry about the Jar Jar. Apologies go out to every one that was offended by my use of the cartoon fish-man in my last post. Even if I was joking about his demise, I recognize that Jar Jar is an acquired taste. (Usually acquired through severe head trauma or accidental contact with a power line.)

Don snabalus' suggestion that the kid from Lord of the Flies should take him out is well taken if not for the fact that the kid in question is Piggy. When it comes to taking someone out Piggy inevitably will wind up on the wrong end of the equation.

Again - I want everyone that reads this blog to feel comfortable and secure and happy in their own personal space. It was wrong of me to harsh that mellow.

Sincerely,

Dean

Better dead here than deader in the Core. Ye gods, whatta meesa sayin'?

The Simpsons ran credits last night "dedicated to all the characters killed by George Lucas in the Star Wars films." It's understandable that I couldn't find it on YouTube given last week's lawsuits but it read something like this-

Stormtrooper 22

Darth Vader

Stormtrooper 3

Obi Wan Kenobi

Yoda

That Guy Jimmy Smits Played

Jango Fett

Unfortunately Not Jar-Jar

Stormtrooper 77

Now you're Bantha fodder.

How could I not bring up this quote? It's not often there's a story that combines Rush Limbaugh, Star Trek and our own Congressman Wu. In fact I doubt I'll be able to type those three things again in the same sentence so I ought to strike while the anvil's hot.

In Rush's defense and as a fan of Star Trek I have to say Wu's quote is rather lame. He says that Neocons are closer to Klingons than Vulcans. That's nuts. Klingons are an honorable race. Neocons wouldn't know honor from a hole in their head.

Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

The Bush administration has now decided that Pax Americana extends to space.

The US has claimed "dibs" on the Universe with its new space policy. The document, signed by President Bush, was released on a Friday, just before a long weekend in the States. This, in itself has caused a bit of a stir, but not more so than the tone and content of the document.

In it, the US government allocates itself rights to access and use space without anyone else getting in its way. It also sets security at the heart of the space agenda, frequently citing its right to use space as part of its national defence.

Great. Let's begin by securing that vast, uncharted barren patch of matter that sits between the President's ears.

Wonkee chee sa crispa con Greedo?

It really doesn't bother me that much any more when Limbaugh goes of on another non-sensical tangent (via Digby) and blames Democrats for the Foley scandal. I'd be shocked if he said something marginally sane.

What does continue to bug me is this is exactly the sort of stuff Republican use to self-justify election fraud. They tell themselves that the damn, filthy Democrats set Foley up so they deserve to wait 8 hours in line to vote in Ohio, or have their ballots tossed in Florida or some other such nonsense.

Screw them and their faux outrage. What a pathetic bunch of flat-out losers.

There will be no bargain, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die.

In response to Keith Olbermann's excellent 911 speech Rush writes:

All right, folks. I think that is revisionist history. This idea that we were all unified on 9/11 is just bunk, and I am going to say it. I don't believe it for a moment. I think that when 9/11 happened, a lot of kooks on the left said, "A-ha! This is how we're going to get Bush. He's incompetent," or they were either saying, "Oh, no! The country is going to come together." You can't tell me that the people who hated Bush ten months earlier over the Florida aftermath, the Florida recount, all of a sudden came together and it was all kumbaya time. I do not believe it."

I'd make the observation that anyone who cannot imagine that those whose politics they disagree with would put country before party in a time of national crisis must themself be someone who consistently puts party before country and sees everything through this same lens.

Yub nub. eee chop yub nub. Ah toe meet toe pee-chee keene.

(Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage.)

Paragon of all that is good and decent in the world, guardian of morality and voice of modern conservatism Rush Limbaugh is arrested on drug charges.

It just goes to prove you never can trust a Limbaugh...

Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

The efforts by the administration to rush to Rummy's defense are pretty damn laughable. I particularly enjoy former Air Force Gen. Richard Myers statement:

"We gave him our best military advice and I think that's what we're obligated to do," Myers said on ABC's "This Week." "If we don't do that, we should be shot."

Of course this ignores the small item that the generals who spoke out against Rumsfeld last week weren't claiming that they weren't able to give him advice, only that their advice was routinely ignored. Neither Myers statement nor Rumsfeld's defensive memo sent out to officers at the end of last week which detailed lots of meeting with officers do anything to counter that point.

Perhaps the saddest element to this pathetic counter-offensive in the media to the "Rumsfeld is incompetent" meme is the fact that the debate itself is completely meaningless. We don't need former Generals to point out that Rumsfeld is the most incompetent strategist since Montgomery. We simply have to turn on the evening news and find out what's happening in Iraq on a daily basis.

Sorry General Myers. I'm not going to believe you over my lying eyes.

Now instead of a big dark blur, I see a big bright blur.

Democrats rolled out their new national security platform with little fanfare, not for lack of trying. To get the national media to notice a strategy rollout by the Democratic leaders in a meaningful way you'd pretty much have to have Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi take the press conference wearing domanatrix outfits. Even then the reporters would be yawning about two minutes in unless Harry started to crack the whip, so to speak.

As predicted the platform was a long list of sensible security strategems ranging from better protecting our ports to actually putting some sort of effort into catching Osama bin Laden. Republican leaders, whose favorite line of attack over the last few months has been to accuse the Democrats of not having a plan for national security, quickly denounced the plan for national security as a stunt. Vice-President Cheney who is probably the most irony-challenged Republican in America responded to the plan by saying Democrats didn't have a credible plan for hunting down Osama. I assume he prefers we stick with the Bush "I don't know where he is and I really don't spend much time thinking about him" plan. It's a weird thing to be attacked by the Vice-President of an administration that believes pixie dust will bring the evildoers to justice.

On Iraq we get more of the same wimpy crap the national Democratic leadership is so good at. At some future date when the Iraqi military is somewhat ready to take over we might kind of maybe think of removing a few of our troops. Or not. Murtha's carefully crafted approach to strategic withdrawal to neighboring countries on a fixed timetable is nowhere to be seen.

Putting aside how bad it is for America to have the major opposition party to the party in power continue to refuse to actually oppose, I can't for the life of me see how this is good politics. Iraq is George W. Bush's war. George W. Bush is the Republican's spokesman (or "brand" as Ken Mehlman told the G.O.P troops this week.) As much of a mess as Iraq is does anyone expect it to be better situation come November? Democrats continuing the "me-too" ing on Iraq are putting the party in a position where they'll be considered part of the problem, not the solution when election time comes around. And let's not forget Iran continues to loom just off the political radar. How will the Democrats be able to throw any type of opposition to an expansion of the war in Iraq into Iran if they don't draw a line on how the current war is being prosecuted?

Once again my favorite whipping boy; the Democratic party leadership have failed to do what's necessary to lead. They presented us a security plan that's been polled and focused-grouped to within an inch of it's life and expect us to applaud it as some sort of heroic act of bravery. Here's an idea: if you want to change the perception of the party as being weak why not actually stand-up to an unpopular President and his unpopular war. Shut down the Senate because Frist continues to refuse to open the second phase of the Iraq war intelligence investigation. Do something. Anything. But for God's sake don't give us another position paper.

These are not the droids you're looking for.

I see the White House spinners are up to their old Jedi mind tricks:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11924526/

The president continues yet another series of speeches on Iraq — there have been several similar blitzes in the last year — Monday at the City Club of Cleveland. He planned to take questions about his war policy and other topics from the audience in the heavily Democratic city.

See he's confronting the war the war critics by going to a heavily Democratic city to give the speech. Sort of a "Bring it on Cindy Sheehan!"

Great. Will he be meeting with said critics while in Cleveland?

Well, no.

Well, then will he be meeting with an audience that isn't his usual group of hand-picked Republican sycophants?

Not really, no.

Will he at least see the protestors outside of the event?

Are you kidding? They'll be cordoned off in a "free-speech" zone about 20 miles from the speech.

But at least we found out that the AP Reporter takes great stenography. I hope Scott McClellan gave him a doggy biscuit for rolling over and sitting like a good boy.

Bo Shuda!

Cousin Rush gets his pasty, white rear chewed off. An oldie but a goodie. (video)