Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual.

My brother and his dancer girlfriend (not that kind of dancer - get your mind out of the gutter) are in town so I'm going to check out until next week for a few days of homemade wine and tryptophan-fueled debauchery.

Here are just a couple of things I'm thankful for--

  • The great community of bloggers including Randal, Ubermilf, Fran, Zaius, don, ladybug, Hypatia, Swinebread, Liberality, Jess, Lockwood, Enigma, Arkonbey, Comicsalltooreal, BAC, Pilar, Monkey Von, Thoughtcriminal, Pissed off Patricia, mwb and all the rest of the authors of blogs I love to read on a daily basis even if I don't get to write something in the comments section to let you know I stopped by. Thanks you guys for the stimulating my brain and making me spit out coffee on more than one occasion.

  • Tempura. Especially when it wraps itself around prawns before taking a high dive into a vat of boiling oil. Thank you Tempura, you are delicious.

  • My very patient, very cool wife who not only puts up with my geek crap but doesn't say anything when I geek-ify the kids. Thanks hon.

  • My kids. You've given me exponentially more laughs than tears. To be honest I didn't think that would be the case before you were born. Thanks. I love you guys.

  • For adventurers of the past and future. Not just the guys that crawled into a four-foot cabin to be rocketed to the moon, but the smaller adventurers as well. The people that said to themselves "that looks interesting. Why don't I dry it out and smoke it" or "yes, that fungus grows on the floor of forest but perhaps with a little garlic and butter it would be good eats." Thanks for taking chances guys.

  • John Williams and Ennio Morricone who have scored some of my favorite flicks. Thanks for being geniuses.

Finally, I would like to thank George W. Bush. Without his breathtaking incompetence, dimwitted sensibility and complete inability to to apply rational thought it might not have been possible for the United States to take a giant step forward and show the world the REAL principles that define this great nation. Thanks George.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I think we're getting into a weird area here.

Okay, so I'm catching up on posts at BAC's place and she had this fun post linking to this blog Genderanalyzer so I think to myself "why not give it a shot?" The results-

"We have strong indicators that is written by a woman (100%.)"

That's it. No ambiguity. No 50% woman, 50% man. The analyzer ran through my two years of postings and determined that I was unequivocally and without the slightest shadow of a doubt a member of the fairer sex.

BAC points out that the Jesus General flipped out over scoring only 72% on the manly scale. What am I supposed to think of my own score with that in mind?

In the first place I'm PLENTY macho. I watch football. I scratch myself and embarrass my wife in general. I rarely play with puppies unless they're really, really cute and I can't bring myself to sit through any film with the words "ya ya," "sisterhood" or "pants" in the title.

Then there's the silhouette they chose for me--

Doesn't exactly scream "man of action" now does it?

This is a more appropriate silhouette for me--

That's exactly how I look. Exactly. (Only take the muscles in the arms and legs and move them towards the middle.)

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a screening of "Twilight" to get to. That Robert Pattinson is dreamy, don't you think? Harumph!

You sent us to camp. They made us sing.

Randal may not like this news but the singular tunes of Barry Manilow are actually being used as punishment for young noise violators.

Some may call being locked in a room for an hour listening to "Mandy" a sort of torture, but I'd call it simply "heaven."

(Although the Geneva Convention may apply if this occurs within the continental United States.)

Monday, November 24, 2008

I wouldn't do that. It's Thanksgiving.

If a piano plays in the forrest and there's nobody around to hear it does it make a sound?

Mystery piano, abandoned deep in the woods, baffles Cape Cod police

HARWICH, Mass. - Harwich police have a musical mystery on their hands: Who left a piano in the middle of the woods? And why?

The Baldwin piano discovered in the Bells Neck woods appears to be in perfect working condition and had a matching bench as if it had recently been played.

My theory: Lucy finally had it with Schroeder ignoring her romantic overtures and offed the poor boy.