I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!

I'm trying to figure out why these stimulus plan headlines are making me randy.

Oil rises after Bush stimulus plan.

Pelosi: Democrats welcome Bush's economic stimulus package.

Quick stimulus sought, but what kind?

Bush states position on stimulus plan

Bush to talk about size of stimulus plan: official.

What does Hillary Clinton think of Bush's stimulus package?

Clinton: Bush stimulus "falls short"

Oh no, girl you did NOT go there.

I saw it! It's alive! It's huge!

Okay-

Star Trek Trailer - Short and sweet. Some people actually booed. Not a good sign for Abrams. He's going to have an uphill battle bringing respectability back to the franchise. Not worth the price of admission. However...

Cloverfield (No Spoilers) - The best two words I can think of to describe this movie are "fucking fun." It's been a long time since I've had this good of a time at the movies. I've tried to stay away from too much information as far as the flick is concerned by I did read a review that described it as a "roller coaster ride." I think that's a perfect way to describe the movie. Periods of tension interupted by terror.

It's also the perfect antidote to the bloody schlockfests that pretty much define horror these days. Not much blood but plenty of scares.

(Oh, and the monster wasn't the Stay-Puft man.)

J.J. Abrams - well done, sir.

Goonies never say die!

On a lighter note- here's Cindy Lauper's "Goonies 'R' Good Enough." I love this movie for a lot of reasons but it just seems to perfectly capture what it was like growing up in the 80s.

There's some shots of wrestler Andre the Giant at the end, dead for several years now. Sigh.

I've always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely.

I was looking around for something light/ funny to post on a Friday afternoon and unfortunately ran across the opposite in this cartoon posted by Wild Bill over at "Passionate America" (what a novel idea for a website - an angry conservative.)

Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to ride airplanes with Muslims and people in wheelchairs? We wouldn't have to go through security checkpoints or anything. All the terrorists would be relegated to "Multicultural Airlines" so we could fly in peace.

With our own kind.

Unless, of course, the terrorists look like this guy...

(Above - Timothy McVeigh, Wingnut Christian Honky Terrorist)

My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots!

If you're looking for something to do Saturday night and you live near Portland you may want to check out the McMenamin's Kennedy School J.R.R. Tolkien Birthday Celebration.

Saturday, January 19 J.R.R. TOLKIEN BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

With jugglers, live music by Sneakin' Elves, the entire LOTR trilogy and more! Come in costume to compete for prizes! 11 a.m. 'til close Free; trilogy free with canned goods donation All ages welcome

Ever been to a J.R.R. Tolkien tribute party? Yeah, we didn't think so (unless you came last year, or the year before that…).

Celebrate Tolkien's birthday by coming dressed as your favorite Hobbit, elf, wizard, ent or other character from one of his amazing novels. We'll have Hobbit-inspired food specials, the entire film trilogy in the Theater (please bring canned goods to donate to the Oregon Food Bank), a performance of "Rings Greatest Hits" by Willamette Radio Workshop, jugglers, a balloon guy and much more. This is a one-of-a-kind party that you won't find anywhere else in Portland!

In the Theater: $3 admission, free if you bring two canned goods to donate to Oregon Food Bank. 11 a.m. – "The Fellowship of the Ring" 3 p.m. – "The Two Towers" 7 p.m. – "The Return of the King"

Throughout the property: 2 p.m. – "The Rings' Greatest Hits" by Willamette Radio Workshop 3 p.m. – Juggling and balloon craziness 3:30 p.m. – Costume contest 7 p.m. – Live music by Sneakin' Elves

*** MENU *** My Precious Onion Rings - Return of the King Burger Shire Stew - Middle Earth Pizza - Cracks of Doom Molten Lava Cake

Nazis. I hate these guys.

From an anonymous comment on a board discussing Jonah Goldberg's book "Liberal Fascism"

"BTW - I coined the term "The Goldberg Principle" "You can prove any thesis to be true if you make up your own definitions of words."

With this principle in mind I'm writing my own book in response to Goldberg.

First I fly the seat off my pants, and then they repossess the pants.

Via Open Left and Digby we have another example of realy asshattery by Barack Obama.

Digby does a great job of taking Obama's comments apart so I'd like to take the opportunity of my own to ask the obvious question: what the hell is Barack Obama thinking?

Ronald Reagan was a horrible President. The kind of people who think Ronald Reagan was a great President are not the kind of people who are going to vote for a Democrat. Ever.

Trying to suck up to those people is a waste of time and energy and fairly stupid strategically. Once again I have to say I don't think Obama is ready for the Big Leagues.

He's stuck, that's what it is. He's in between worlds.

I have an opportunity to see a ghost.

Let me back up just a bit. In the last few years I've come to realize that I don't really believe in anything that's not scientifically quantifiable. That realization wasn't some sort of angry epiphany that ended with me cursing the heavens, but rather the slow, sad recognition that what we have here is probably all there is.

At no point in my life have I had any sort of paranormal experience. I've never witnessed a UFO. I've never stumbled across a giant footprint in the snow, seen a long neck appear out of a Scottish loch and I've never run in fear from the ghost of the Headless Horseman.

I've had plenty of friends and family that have described paranormal experiences. From exorcisms to hauntings. Probably the most disturbing was Grandma and Grandpa's calm, reasoned description of the ghostly cloud that used to snake around their property. While I respected all of these people's earnest retellings of their experiences it just never "sunk in" with me. I'm never 100% on board.

Which is why I've been giving a lot of thought to actually searching out a paranormal experience of my own. I've begun to looking into local ghost-hunting groups. Due to the sheer number of reported ghost sightings ghosts are the low-hanging fruit on the paranormal tree, in my opinion.

Then this week an opportunity fell into my lap. The wife, who is more than a little familiar with this obsession, was talking to a customer at her shop when somehow this subject came up. It seems the customer has a turn of the century rental house that they've recently purchased that she swears is haunted. Besides strange noises, lamps and chairs falling over on their own there have apparently been apparitions of a man that appear at the bedside of people staying in the house.

Her customer has offered to let us stay in the house and experience it first hand. What do you guys think? Should we take her up on the offer? Or will we be messing with forces beyond our mortal comprehension?

Karnack is attempting to divine an answer and you're sitting here, giggling. May I have silence, please?

Dr. Zaius does a little political predicting of his own.

I do not fear a skunk. I simply do not care for its odor.

Yesterday the Draft Bloomberg movement swung into full gear. If I had to wager I'd bet he'll throw his hat in the ring. Only our sane national leaders seem to be immune to the urgings of the little mini-me whispering "run, run" into their ear. Bloomberg doesn't fit that bill.

Yesterday also marked the exclusion of Dennis Kucinich from the Democratic debate in Arizona by MSNBC as the result of a last minute Arizona Supreme Court victory. Only the big three, one of which I support, took the stage. They were all in the wrong for doing so without Kucinich, in my humble opinion. Play fair guys.

Let's keep that in mind as we look ahead to the national debates that will take place after the parties have made their nominees official in their conventions. Judging by the standards set by the media in the Kucinich case I will say unequivocally that independent candidate Michael Bloomberg should not, under any circumstances, be included in those debates.

Of course he probably will be included even though at that point not a single American will have voted for him. The media, not the voters, get to provide our choices in this day and age.

So please join me in preemptive outrage at this series of events. One more straw to put on the back of the crushed, rotting camel carcass that is America.

They'd be no tribble at all.

Scenes you'd forgotten (or wish you had) Part 4: Scotty is One Sick Puppy.

In the classic Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" Captain Kirk returns to the bridge at the end of the episode to find all the cute, furry tribbles are gone.

As the rest of the crew evade Kirk's inquiries into what happened to the tribbles Scotty finally admits that he beamed the "whole kit n'kaboodle" over to the Klingon Engine Room right before the Klingons take-off.

Captain Kirk, or should I say "Captain Jerk," and the rest of the bridge crew have a HUGE laugh at this without anyone stopping to ask what will happen to a bunch of furry, defenseless critters sent onto a ship crewed by the most murderously vicious aliens in the galaxy who happen, by the way, to hate cute, cuddly tribbles most of all.

I'll tell you what happened. The Klingons went on a murderous bender. They slaughtered the tribbles en masse. They ate the Tribbles alive, played Klingon foosball with them and generally made a huge mess composed of blood, tribble bits and fur.

Scotty's no hero. He's the man responsible for the Tribblecaust.

(A Klingon Engineer "cleans-up" a Tribble)

You make me want to be a better man.

Thank you Dennis Kucinich for your action yesterday. All of us regardless of party or political worldview are hurt when the media decides who can and cannot be represented in the primary debates.

If you've got a few extra doubloons throw them his way.

I'm going to donate but also I think a special reward is in order. As a thank you to Dennis I'd be willing to take his wife out to dinner so she can get some rest off of the campaign trail.

It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

(Thus completes the Jack Nicholson trifecta.)

Little people, why can't we all just get along?

UFO sighting + Texas = wacky hilarity.

"Several dozen people -- including a pilot, county constable and business owners -- say they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it."

Interesting. I'm sure the locals handled it with their usual sophisticated aplomb.

"People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times," said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. "It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts."

Because that's how Jesus will return to earth and begin the rapture - in a mile-wide flying saucer.

(Pictured: the King of Kings and his robot disciple Gort.)

Who's the head bull-goose loony around here?

Today our glorious leader made a speech in Saudi Arabia in which he said --

“Iran’s actions threaten the security of nations everywhere,” he said. “So the United States is strengthening our longstanding security commitments with our friends in the gulf and rallying friends around the world to confront this danger before it is too late.”

It's not too early to begin considering what kind of life Bush will lead Post-Presidency. Some Ex-Presidents, such as Bush's father George H.W. Bush, use their experience in office to enrich themselves with $200,000 dollar speaking engagements. Some Ex-Presidents like Jimmy Carter use their experience to make the world a better place building homes for low-income people.

Bush? I suspect he won't really have a choice. He'll have to spend most of his time hiding from the guys with the butterfly nets so he doesn't find himself in this situation-

(Above - President Bush hides from Nurse Ratched)

Jesus, this guy's good!

Wow. McCain is 'reshaping' the GOP race.

So instead of this -

It will look like this -

I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

Of course the royal family wasn't plotting to kill Princess Diana.

It was Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick.

Duh.

Hahaha. How ironic. Okay, ask me something. Ask me something which you think I lied about.

Occasionally some knuckle-dragging Bush fan will write the local rag accusing Bush's critics of distorting his record (as if that was necessary) and taunting them to prove Bush lied. About anything.

Most of read this stuff and reflect on the sheer volume of mendacity produced by this administration, even on their first days of office (Clinton White House vandalism) and sit in stunned admiration at the sheer self-delusion necessary to convince oneself that Bush is a straight-shooter.

This weekend Bush repeated one of his favorite little lies in an interview with Israeli reporters. When asked again about his decision to invade Iraq he pulled out the old "Sadaam wouldn't allow the inspectors in" chestnut.

Bush just loves to trot out this little revisionist pony. Here it is from March of 2006.

"I also saw a threat in Iraq. I was hoping to solve this problem diplomatically. That's why I went to the Security Council; that's why it was important to pass [Resolution] 1441, which was unanimously passed. And the world said, disarm, disclose, or face serious consequences -- and therefore, we worked with the world, we worked to make sure that Saddam Hussein heard the message of the world. And when he chose to deny inspectors, when he chose not to disclose, then I had the difficult decision to make to remove him. And we did, and the world is safer for it."

Complete bullshit, of course. Bush ordered the inspectors out of Iraq so he could start bombing. How can anyone come to any other conclusion than the man is a mendacious liar of the worst sort?