Good? He is not good, he's terrible, he's the worst.. there is not any man like him anywhere in the world!

Poor conservatives. It's almost like the universe has it out for them. Jindal says volcano monitoring is a waste and a big ol' volcano erupts right in the middle of the republicanist state with the republicanist governor in the country. DHS releases a report warning that right wing violence may ensue out of frustration at the election, the righty talking heads go apeshit and just a few months later a wave of right wing terrorism sweeps the land.

They just can't catch a break. Reality keeps tieng them up, stuffing a gimp ball in their mouth and shoving them roughly into a chest.

Yet, like happy little troopers they aren't going to let the fact that they live in a world built wholly of delusion constructed out of the combined imagination of people like Malkin, Beck, Rand (*) or Goldberg. They're the energizer bunnies of bullshit.

Triumph of the Will indeed.

The current Champions of Asshattery have to be Sarah Palin and her legions of mouth-breathing followers who are taking the art of manufactured outrage to 11.

It's clear to any sentient being (and most of the non-sentient elements listed on the periodic table for that matter) that David Letterman's joke about Palin's daughter was aimed at Bristol Palin, not the 14-year old nobody outside of Eastern Crazy Wingnutia has ever heard of. This is the same adult Bristol Palin that's spent the last few months dancing around on my teevee babbling about not engaging in any acts of depravity before you were ready. Once you're old enough; deprave away! I know I like to deprave every chance I get.

Just a few remarks culled from the legions of Big Thinkers defending Palin-

Palin is dead-on. Letterman is expired. NBC is garbage. This backsliding American culture keeps lowering the morality bar lower and lower. Palin and others who stand up to the fall should be praised. - American

CBS should fire lettermen, i will avoid there sponsors,criminal action should be taken and letterman should be listed as a child porn person.he should have to register as a sex offender. - Chad

Letterman is a moronic pig. No matter what I think about Palin, Letterman is pathetic and will do anything for attention. The disgusting thing is that democrats just love him and as long as he's spitting over the fence, they don't care who he offends. - Richard

I know, I know. You're probably reading those comments and thinking to yourselves the same thing I'm thinking - "I'm hungry. I wonder how long that sandwich has been in the fridge at work and will my coworker miss it if I snag the the thing?"

You also might be having some of the other same things going through your mind as I did after regarding those comments. Why does the mainstream media cover this nonsense? Who are the pond scum that are on Letterman's case and why am I developing that eye tic that's making me look like Clouseau's Chief Inspector Dreyfus?

When you were young did you ever play a board game with a friend that didn't like losing so they just made up new rules as the game went along? Didn't it make YOU feel crazy? That's how I feel when I turn on the television or read the newspaper these days.

You know who the sanest among us are? People like liberality or Fran who pretty much dropped blogging about politics. They've made a wise, healthy decision not to abide crazy.

Good on 'em.

You can't handle the truth!

The wonderful Liberality zapped me with the Honest Scrap Award which appears to be a bloggy game of truth or dare. I ain't afraid of the truth.

Rules:
1.You must brag about the award
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design
4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.Then pass it on with the instructions!

My victims are:
1. Snabulus
2. Swinebread
3. Lockwood
4. Fran
5. Arkonbey
6. Lisa
7. Ubermilf.

My 10 Truths-
1) In high school I made the cover of the sports page for the state paper with a color photo captioned "Dean Wormer made the stop for the Rams." It showed me wrapping a running back, preparing to take him down. In truth that guy ran right over the top of me.
2) I cry while watching movies wayyyy to easily.
3) Some of my Facebook friends are women that I went to grade school with and I still feel guilty for teasing them 30 years ago but can't bring myself to apologize because I'm afraid it will make me look weird if they don't remember.
4) My little league career ended after I took a line drive to the eye and couldn't later control the fact I was ball shy.
5) At the market I've picked up a bottle of Rogaine more than once, only to change my mind and put it back on the shelf.
6) Don't know if this is an admission but I'm a HUGE nerd. I read comics, watch sci-fi and horror.
7) I'm saving up to afford to get into Cowboy Action Shooting. It's like SCA only with real guns, etc. I'm going to be a Clint Eastwood type.
8) I have a lot of favorite books but one of my all time is "Watership Down." That's right- I like talking bunnies.
9) In college I had an apartment where I slept on a futon mattress on the floor and a pack of feral cats would stampede up and down the hall all night, keeping me awake. So I sprinkled Paprika up and down the hall to try and keep them away. So mean.
10) Even though I often suggest to my brother that he should get a real job I admire the fact that he's followed his dream of acting and has made somewhat of a living at it.

I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!

Liberality and Freida each story-virused me last week. Apologies it took so long but here are my contributions.

Here's Liberality's strain which I'm going to end...

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

The man who apparently owned the box glared at me and I moved my feet closer toward my seat and sat up straighter. Outside the wind was blowing hard and I watched out the window as the tree limbs swayed along the street and people clutched their scarves more closely about their heads as they made their way into the wind. We passed a building that had a flag pole and the flag it flew stood straight out and flapped angrily it seemed to me. I bemoaned my fate of having forgotten my hat, gloves and scarf on such a miserable day but I had been running late and had to get to the bus stop if I wanted to get to work on time.

After a few moments of surveying the frigid scene outside my window I returned my attention to my fellow passengers on the bus and noted with some alarm that one woman was so bundled up in her hat, coat, and heavy wool scarf that it was hard to even see her face. Another man sitting next to the gentleman with the cardboard box wore a jumpsuit which I found very peculiar indeed. He was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping. My gaze upon him though brought his eyes open with a snap and he stared straight into my eyes with a most hypnotic gaze. His eyes were a bright light green. I had never seen such beautiful green eyes and could not look away. It reminded me of that famous photo taken of the Afghan girl, the eyes were so striking and fierce even. I tried to look away but it was impossible. (liberality.)

Those eyes! They burrowed into my soul and left it impossible to think, to move!

With every effort I could muster I closed my eyes but I could still see Jumpsuit Man's eyes piercing into my soul like twin lasers. Then I heard the voice.

"Don't be alarmed," said his voice. "I won't hurt you."

Were the words actually spoken? Was I the only one that could hear them? Was this telepathy or my imagination?

"Stand," commanded his voice.

I tried to resist but found myself rising to my feet against my will.

"Now reach into your purse and pull out your wallet."

So he was robbing me? I sighed to myself in relief. Such total command could've been so much worse.

"In your wallet is a playing card," said his voice. "Pull it out and tell me what it is."

Suddenly I was once again in control of my motor functions. In my hand was a playing card. It seemed like every eye in the bus was fixed on me.

"Um, the ace of spades," I said.

Jumpsuit Man took the card from me and held it up for the rest of the passengers on the bus to see. A loud round of applause greeted him.

Fuming, I sat down hard in my chair. I hate it when David Blaine rides mass transit.

Fin.

(Deanwormer)

-------------------

Here's the chain Freida's been infected with and my contribution-

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I couldn't believe my eyes. Surrepticiously, I tried to establish, without giving it away, if anyone else had seen what I had. For ten years I had been looking for that box. What looked like an ordinary cardboard box to most contained something most precious. Only by the small golden "P" was I able to identify what I was looking at. (Freida Bee)

How the box got here, or how I happened to be on this bus with it now--these questions were immaterial. I just had to get that box. The bus slowed to a stop, so I steadied myself. Just as I was about to make a grab for the box, however, it moved. Someone else was picking it up to take it away! I had to stop her! (Dguzman)

What? This couldn't be happening--to get this close and watch some quick-footed little dwarf just up and snatch it away from me...no! I got up and just as I did the sweaty hillbilly in front of me stood up and stepped into the aisle. Moving like a bad mime imitating a man in a box he extended his arms and stretched, looking up at the ceiling as he did so. The dwarf with the box--I couldn't be sure if it was a man or a woman, but something about her seemed feminine--slipped out the front door and off the bus. I took a deep breath and slumped back down into my seat. (Bubs)

I sized up the chances of getting bodily fluids on me for a few seconds before I decided to risk it. I needed to get that box back.

"Sir, do you think I could get past you?" I ventured, standing stiffly, hoping to move near the front door to catch a quick exit at the next stop.

"Ah's gettin' off a' tha nex' stop," he said as he wiped his brow and placed his hand squarely on my shoulder.

"Well, fuck," I thought, getting more and more irritated each second his residual touch seemed to burn itself permanently into the fabric of my sweater. "I need to ask the bus driver about the next stop, really quickly. Do you mind?"

I could see he was challenged. His size alone made the bus an unfortunate place for him to endure, but I was concerned I would not be able to catch up with the thief who stole my box this time.

"Ah know these parts real good-like an' kin tells you anythin' you wants ta know."

"Sir, I really just need to be ready to step off the bus as soon as it stops," I said irritatedly now, as the bus jerked to a stop in its typically abrupt manner. I fell forward smack dab into his chest, catching a whiff of a strange smell that simultaneously made me gag and feel groggy only moments before I felt my head spinning as he caught my fall, grinning knowingly. (Freida)

"Axe," he whispered in my ear as I began to pass out. "Always gets the ladies."

I dreamed of a valley filled with dancing penguins. A dwarf with my box slowly pushed his way through the dancing birds. As I tried to follow the penguins slowed my progress with their fancy footwork and proclivity to dip their partners.

As I faded into consciouness I realized I was in small, cheap hotel room. Sitting next to me with my box on his lap was the dwarf from the bus.

He smiled a toothless grin and in a voice that sounded like Gary Busey after he'd just sucked down a balloon full of helium he squeaked "It starts."
(Deanwormer)

Anybody that wants to take that up feel free...

Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

Randal took the time to drop Esmerelda, climb down from his belltower and slap me with a meme.

The idea is to list the top 25 tracks on your mp3 player at this moment.

I'm going to place this fair. I put my music on my phone and I just got a new phone for my birthday and haven't had a chance to upload a ton of stuff. As of right now I currently have the following full albums-

1) Soundtrack to Juno (This is absolutely awesome.)

2) Bob Marley - Legend

3) Best of Frank Sinatra

4) Otis Redding - 1968 - In Person at the Whisky A Go Go

5) Pink Floyd Echoes - The Best of Pink Floyd

6) Rolling Stones - Touring Party Vol. 1

7) Rolling Stones - Goats Head Soup

Out of those I'd pick--

Anyone Else But You (Juno)

Tire Swing (Juno)

Kick Out of You (Sinatra)

So Nice So Smart (Juno)

No Woman, No Cry (Marley)

Could You Be Loved (Marley)

Redemption Song (Marley)

Waiting in Vain (Marley)

I've Been Loving You Too Long (Redding)

Try a Little Tenderness (Redding)

Fly Me To The Moon (Sinatra)

Luck Be A Lady (Sinatra)

Hide Your Love (Stones)

Angie (Stones)

Hey You (Floyd)

Learning to Fly (Floyd)

Wish You Were Here (Floyd)

Money (Floyd)

Marooned (Floyd)

Satisfaction (Stones) (I know it's f-ed out but I still love it.)

Start Me Up (Stones)

The Last Time (Stones)

Shattered (Stones)

Brown Sugar (Stones)

Paint It Black (Stones)

Also- Liberality sucker punched me with a meme last week-

1) Where were you ten years ago? Ever seen the "Deadliest Catch" on the Discovery channel? The show where the guys go out under incredibly dangerous conditions in arctic waters to catch crab? I was watching that.

2) What is on your to do list today? Return some books to the library. Talk to H.R. about a problem employee. Listen to the tunes on my phone. Make fun of the Elvis impersanator that sets up across from my place of work.

3) What would I do if I was a billionaire? I'm not one of those guys that would trade up to a new trophy wife and family but I would buy them all plastic surgery so it looked like I traded up.

4) Five places I've visited. Hawaii, Cuernevaca Mexico, Baja California, Washington D.C. and Gresham Oregon.

5) Bad habits - It takes me forever to answer tags.

Finally - special thanks to Joon for the Arte y Pico award. You rock!

I tag Swiney, donsnabalus, overdroid (because he hates being tagged,) westcoast walker and freida with whichever meme they want.

I'll need a good rope, a hunting knife, and a soft piece of leather.

Ick. Monday.

I hope everybody had a wonderful 4th of July. We took our annual drive up the Columbia Gorge to Cascade Locks to picnic and watch the fireworks. We shot off a few of our own. No serious burns. Stop, drop and roll and all that.

Liberality reminds us that the Declaration of Independence isn't the only thing we should be thinking about for the holiday. I love the Constitution but have a major crush on the Declaration. Who wouldn't love a document that at it's core is nothing more than a kick in the nuts to the establishment?

The establishment could use a good kick in the nuts once in a while. The tree of liberty has to be refreshed from time to time with a steel-tipped boot to the gotchas. You can quote me on that.

Of course if we elected Wall-E the president all of our troubles would be solved. I'm not sure he'd be that interested. He's already spent quite a bit of time cleaning up other people's trash.

Apologies for the randomness of this post. (Or "randal-ness" if you will, although I'm nowhere near as bright as Mr. Graves.) I've only had two large cups of double-black coffee this morning so I'm nowhere near as caffeinated as usual.

Have a great rest of the week and remember: watch out for bears.

To make a living people do many things God doesn't do.

I'm just going to do post covering all the stuff that's been on my mind and "clear the decks" in in a sense.

WEASELS - We were never going to win on FISA. If you think about it it's been Democrats that have allowed this to come close to passage each time until the netroots screamed bloody murder. I don't have a shadow of a doubt that party leaders decided after the last go round to spike it until the presidential primaries were over in order to give whomever our nominee was cover. Disgusting.

ET TU, BARACK? - A professor of constitutional law that doesn't understand the constitutionality of ex post facto law. It feels so great to see him trying to hide behind the skirts of the Dodd amendment to pull retroactive immunity. The chances of that passing are about as good as me flapping my wings and flying. Filibuster or die Mr. Obama.

DEVIL'S BARGAIN - With FISA in mind we get to vote for the President that will appall us regularly in the tradition of George W. Bush or the President that will disappoint us regularly in the tradition of Bill Clinton. Yay democracy!

THIS LITTLE PIGGY - Swinebread has outed himself as a looming papa. I know Mr. and Mrs. Swinebread in real life and I can tell you that little boy (they know) is going to have GREAT parents. Can't wait to meet the little bugger.

PALACE COUP AT FABER - Overdroid took advantage of the fact I was on vacation to utilize his long forgotten administrative rights to throw a wild Tom Tommorrow party at my blog. Lucky for me the damage was minimized when Overdroid got a spur of the moment job teaching improv to trial lawyers at Pepperdine at an event hosted by the infamous Ken Starr. I am not making that up.

LIKE A PACK OF WILD DINGOS - Ever watched one of those nature programs where a pack of dogs take down a gazelle? That's sort of what Franiam does with James Dobson. She doesn't even leave enough meat on the bones for the jackals.

SEVEN DIRTY WORDS - I have little to add to all the great eulogies of George Carlin but I admired the guy for the simple fact that he lived by nobodies rules but his own. He didn't broker bullshit and he didn't suffer fools. He'll be missed greatly.

TOLD YOU SO - Don Imus is a racist. Anybody with half a brain that listened to his show could tell you that. People with half a brain don't listen to his show so there you are.

IS HE PLUGGED IN? - I'm surprised John McCain is offering a prize for car battery. If anything I see him hoping they develop a better battery for pacemakers.

GOOD NORTHWEST POL - Oregon Representative Peter DeFazio has reintroduced his windfall profits tax on the oil industry bill. Among other things his bill would allow oil companies to avoid the tax if they spent some of any windfall profit on researching alternative energy sources or increasing refining capacity. It would also ban the export of any oil obtained on U.S. soil. Naturally the oil companies are against his bill.

BAD NORTHWEST POL - Washington state congressman Brian Baird who I listened to in an interview this morning. Among other acts of wankery he completely ignored a caller's point on FISA that the domestic spying had begun before 9/11 and argued that the surge was a success. Vancouver dems do us a favor and get rid of that asshole.

WORSTEST NORTHWEST POL- Senator Gordon Smith is a lying asshole. Smith says he's "one of the first to stand up to George Bush and other Republicans to end this war." Yeah, four years after the fact when he grew a spine. Shame on you Elizabeth Furse for going along with this crap.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT - Liberality hates flooding and rap music. If you rap about flooding she'll probably punch you in the face.

HELTER SKELTER- Joe the Troll wonders if Charles Manson associate Susan Adkins deserves freedom because she has six months to live. Only if she carves a little peace sign into her forehead.

COOL! - If I use a list of links to link to a dr. zaius list of links will it collapse the universe? I hope so.

I told you I had a lot on my mind.