Friday, March 14, 2008

Whoever holds the conch gets to speak.

Happy Friday! Today is Scotch & Cigar Day here at my office (after hours, of course.) I have a bottle of Glengoyne and a box of cubans I've been saving for this occasion. I might try and pawn off Jack Daniels and Swisher Sweets on Zaius and Randal instead of the good stuff. Don't tell 'em, okay?

Last night I went to Dean Jr.'s Parent/Teacher Conference and wound up laughing through the whole thing like an idiot. The problem was the had us waiting outside the classroom and there on the wall was a big poster his fifth grade class had made entitled "Books We Like To Read."

Next to each child's name was a list of one or two books they personally recommend. All of the books were what you might expect: "Lemony Snicket," "How to be a Pirate," "Harry Potter" or "Bart Simpson Comics."

Next to Dean Jr.'s name: "Lord of the Flies."

After staring at that for about 10 minutes I found myself unable to contain my giggling.

Of course this book choice does explain why he asked us the other day if he was "Emu" because he liked to wear black t-shirts. We looked at each other and then said "Why yes, son, you are a large flightless bird."

Anyhoo, Mr. Dr. Zaius AND the fabulous BAC tagged me with the the six-word biography virus thingy so...







I've had too much scotch to get out of my comfortable leather chair and tag anyone else so consider yourself lucky, punks.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

If God didn't want them sheared, he would not have made them sheep.

Like much of the progressive side of the web I don't hold out much hope that congress will hold firm in the face of a tantrum by President Veruca Salt screaming for retroactive immunity for telecoms. Having said that; one of the things that strikes me as more than a little odd about the current situation is that the House is currently the voice of reason while the Senate has become a rubber-stamp for the passions of the moment.

Isn't this the diametrically opposed to the framer's intentions with our two great legislative bodies?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Now I tell a tale of the threshold people, so astounding that some of you may faint.

This story is awful--

A woman was locked for four days in a tiny holding cell in a northern Arkansas courthouse, forgotten by the authorities and left without food or water, the local Sheriff’s Department said Tuesday.

The woman, Adriana Torres-Flores, 38, a longtime illegal immigrant from Mexico, slept on the floor with only a shoe for a pillow, and with nothing to drink except her own urine, The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reported. There was no bathroom in the cell.

A bailiff had apparently forgotten that he placed Ms. Torres-Flores, a mother of three, in the cell last Thursday, and simply left her in the empty courthouse, in Fayetteville, over the weekend, said the chief deputy of the Washington County Sheriff’s Department, Jay Cantrell. A snowstorm meant that there were far fewer people than usual working at the courthouse on Friday.
I scanned the story a couple of times to see if the baliff was fired. There's no mention of any discplinary action of any other kind than an "investigation." That is flat-out ridiculous.

I realize that Ms. Torres-Flores is an illegal alien and that somehow that makes her a little less important that us regular citizens but is it too much to ask she be treated with the minimum amount of respect and dignity she might see in any other third-world nation?

I'm hoping that if she's deported back to Mexico she goes back with a wallet stuffed with cash from her lawsuit against these idiots. Shame on bailiff and the county for letting this happen.

No one can pull the wool over my eyes. Cashmere maybe, but wool, never.


From Mary Ann's Gilligan's Island Cookbook the recipe for Mary Ann's Famous Coconut Cream Pie.

3 egg yolks
dash of salt
1/4 cup sugar
3 cups milk
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup corn starch
1 cup coconut
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 q/p purple haze or skunk fresh ganja.
1 baked 9-inch pie shell
3 egg whites
coconut for garnish

I'm telling you it was right under our noses the whole time.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

What was that stuff you just gave me?

Anybody that used to watch Gilligan's Island suspected that Mary Ann's innocent farm girl routine was just an act but still this comes as a bit of a surprise --

A surprise birthday party for Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," ended with a nearly three-hour tour of the Teton County sheriff's office and jail when the 69-year-old was caught with marijuana in her vehicle while driving home.

In retrospect it's obvious somebody was passing around a little herb. Gilligan in particular seemed to be living in a perpetual state of the munchies. No real human being could put away that many coconut-cream pies.

Speaking for myself this definitely tips the Mary Ann vs. Ginger scale in the direction of the girl in the tight shorts.
Take a look at this photo of the Professor. Look at the equipment he's working on in his "lab." You might suppose the Professor is making glue to fix the boat or trying to find a way to turn an invisible Gilligan back to normal. WRONG!
It was right there under our noses this whole time. No wonder those idiots never got off the island. They were all lying on the beach listening to Pink Floyd and giggling to themselves.

This isn't Geneva, Colonel.

Jess Wundrun catches the President speaking out of both sides of his mouth on torture. Since there's usually also chaw in there the whole thing is pretty gross.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Winners do not empathize with losers.

The Freedom Ship is an idea that's been, ahem, floating around for some time. Effectively it's a Libertarian paradise; a tax-free floating utopia. It would have it's own hospital, casinon and 3000 member police force. The ultimate gated community.

The project has been plagued with delays. Initially the construction was to have been finished in 2000. As of this writing they haven't even begun building the ship and are still in the fundraising/ design phase. Something to do with various "scams" that have caused set backs. Huh. You'd think that if anyone would be able to spot business scams it would be financially savvy libertarians.

Could you come up with a better metaphor for libertarianism if you tried? Pie-in-the-sky idealism which, for one reason or another, never quite meets fruition. This why most libertarian ideas don't quite make it out of the pot smoke filled college dorm rooms in which they were concieved.

Still- the Freedom Ship is an interesting idea in a Waterworld sort of way. And who could deny they have a great theme song?

Greed, exciting and new Come Aboard. We're expecting you.

Greed, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Libertarian Boat -- soon will be making another run. The Libertarian Boat promises selfishness for number one.

Set a course for anarcho-capitalism, your mind on a world with no laws. Greed won't hurt anymore. It's an open wallet on a foreign shore.


For a serious article on this subject read this.