Friday, January 30, 2009

But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals.

If you could help me out here I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm trying to decide which of these nasty Delta House dweebs I should put on Triple Secret Probation. Which of them do you think is most deserving of my Foot of Rghteousness?

A) Pope "Ratzy" Benedict who decided this week that it would be a good idea to un-excommunicate ("recommunicate?") the clergy of a right wing sect famous for holocaust denial. It occurs to me that when you've faced criticism for dabbling in the Hitler Youth as boy this might not be the best decision to make. What's next? Jackboots for the Swiss Guard?

B) J.J. "Mugato" Abrams who opted to ruin one of the suprises of his new "Star Trek" movie in spoiling the fact there will be a cameo by one of our little, furry buddies from the original show. He also chose to prove that he not only doesn't get Star Trek, but seems lost when it comes to the great movie "Galaxy Quest" as well when he told an interviewer that GQ "...completely mocks the paradigm in its entirety." Not exactly, J.J.

C) Barack "Hoops" Obama who called Wall Street bonuses "shameful" but to this point has acted as if he has no power to do anything about it. Tie any additonal TARP funds to the condition those executive bonuses are returned and for God's sakes nationalize those financial institutions. Their executives are morons. It's not like we couldn't put chimpanzees in those boardrooms with the same results.

I hate those guys.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tell me Sarah, what do you think of my labyrinth?

I was listening to Bowie's "China Girl" this morning and have a question-

Why are sacred cows known for stumbling into town?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze.

From the "Crazy Lady with Too Much Time on Her Hands" file:

KNIGHTSVILLE, Ind. (WTHI) - Months ago, Rachel Jones was shocked to discover her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light.

Imagine her surprise when a game for her 8-year-old daughter's Nintendo DS had the same message.

Rachel said she bought the Nintendo game, Baby Pals, as a gift for her 8-year-old daughter after a good report card.

She had no idea the game also contained the hidden message "Islam is the light."

"We were sitting in the kitchen, and she was playing it," said Jones. "All of a sudden she looked at me, and I looked at her and she said, 'Mom, I think my baby said something.' And so I played it back, and it says 'Islam is the light.'"

The hard-hitting journalist who wrote this piece actually contacted the game's manufacturer for comment rather than gently suggesting to Mrs. Jones that she walk, not run, to the nearest state certified mental health professional.

I think I identified the problem:

The Nintendo game has an "E" rating, which means it's suitable for any age.

The toy/ gaming industry should immediately institute a "L" rating so that loonies can avoid paying for something they might misunderstand.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

If you are wise, you will listen to me.

Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do
I have another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me

Executive-privilege only gets you so far
It keeps you from bathing in feathers and tar
But it's immoral, illegal and wrong
To fire attorneys that don't sing your song

Just like that Nixon guy

Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-da
Spill what you know, you will go far
Conyers will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do