Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go

Out for a couple of days trying my hand at fly fishing.

If I catch a steelhead I'll post a picture. If I don't catch a steelhead I'll post a picture of somebody else's steelhead and say it was mine. It's not like you guys would know the difference anyway.

Go away! 'Batin'!

True stories that read like Onion articles--

Cafe serves up coffee with conservative flavor.

From the moment customers enter the front door, the Conservative Cafe is serving up caffeinated doctrine.

Ann Coulter books sit stacked by the fireplace, and a picture of Ronald Reagan hangs on the wall. Fox News plays on all the televisions, and stock market quotes scroll along an electronic ticker above the cash register.

Behind the counter, owner Dave Beckham smiles proudly in a khaki T-shirt that reads "Zip It, Hippie." The shirt is for sale at the Crown Point, Ind., cafe, along with ones that say "Peace through Superior Firepower."

"It's a change from the traditional liberal bastion coffeehouses," Beckham says. "No one is going to bad-mouth America in here."

Because nothing is more American than expresso. Stuff that in your cup with a half-naked mermaid on it and drink it, liberals!

He didn't like piped-in folk music, specialty drinks with faux-Italian names or patrons who frittered the hours away on laptops or listening to iPods. The atmosphere, he said, seemed an affront to Midwestern values he learned growing up in northwest Indiana.

Who wants customers actually hanging around your establishment? Customers are for left-leaning, pinko coffee houses.

"Coffee shouldn't be about sitting in a cafe for 12 hours," Beckham says. "Coffee gets us through our workday. It's what we drink before we make steel for the rest of the country or head out into the fields."

To be fair we buy the steel from other countries but we get the point.

"We're trying to push back against the media and those in Europe who are anti-America," he said. "And it feels good to do it."
The Italians are our enemies.

Crown Point resident Matthew McPhee is one of them. He doesn't feel comfortable in trendier coffeehouses, where he sometimes doesn't recognize the music and often doesn't agree with the political conversations. He prefers the Conservative Cafe, where red-white-and-blue bunting hangs outside the brick building and patrons can buy T-shirts that read, "Silly liberal. . . . Paychecks are for Workers."

Exactly. You go into a Starbucks these days and you hear wacky new music from bands like the Rolling Stones or James Brown. Stuff that only the kids are listening to.

The decor may poke fun at liberals, but Beckham says they're welcome in his establishment. In the first few weeks after opening, for example, he extended his operating hours to accommodate an ideologically mixed group of "Hannity & Colmes" fans, who wanted to watch the show and debate the topics.

So much wrong with his assumptions here. He assumes "Hannity & Colmes" has fans. He also assumes said fans actually "debate" the issues discussed rather than blankly stare at the screen as drool slowly makes it's way down their chins.

"Conservative doesn't mean you belong to a certain political party," McCall says. "It's a way of thinking. It goes beyond politics."

"Thinking" is a generous term to use with regard to conservatives.

To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

I wonder if when Bush leaves office someone will write a musical about him?

(Don't the pretzel and beer stein dancers remind you of Ubermilf?)

(Yes, I godwined my own blog. Phhhttttt!)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

You know, there's only been one man in my whole life who's ever made me happy. Do you know that?

Just a quick observation on the state of the presidential race even though I'm trying hard to avoid political news.

I did see some of the coverage of Obama's trip overseas, McCain's sniping at same and the media's reaction to all of that and all I can say is that I am now convinced that Barack Obama should not under any circumstances debate John McCain.

Don't get me wrong. Barack Obama is light years more intelligent than John McCain. He understands the issues backwards and forwards. If it was just you, I and these guys sitting down at a kitchen table and discussing issues Barack would wipe the table the geezer.

No, the problem isn't Barack Obama. The problem is the media. Specifically the media's interest in changing the narrative of the presidential race as it's developed to this point. A narrative that favors Obama, despite their best efforts to keep the race close.

The media is looking for any opening to roll out the "McCain is the Comeback Kid" stories they've had saved on their laptops since the general election began. The conventions and debates are going to provide opportunities for that. The actual results of both won't be important. What's important is that the media will be able to seize on any small circumstance of either, magnify it and twist it into something greater and push hard to put John McCain back in this race.

It's not like anything substantive is discussed in the debates anymore anyway. Obama should just say no.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Also for indecent exposure... doesn't anyone wear any clothes around here?

I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?

A strange moment of zen this weekend.

I was driving the kids downstate for a young cousin's birthday. In the back seat my oldest daughter and son were screwing around with the laptop she got for graduation and for high school. They were watching the original batman show on DVD.

We were going through a small town that was having some sort of festival. From the back of the car we heard the theme from the start of the show ("Atomic batteries to speed. Turbines to power. Nanananananananaa...")

My middle daughter who is sitting next to me in the front seat goes "there's the batmobile."

I said "what the heck do you mean batmobile?" and turned to look at what she was pointing at.

We saw this...
There was a ton of traffic and by the time I got the car turned around to get back into town to see if we'd had a shared hallucination, the batmobile was gone.

Holy now you see it, now you don't!