Friday, October 10, 2008

Are you saying it's from the future?

Sometimes my dreams aren't very exciting. For instance last night I dreamed that I was reading a newspaper. Only thing interesting was that the paper was from the future. November 5th to be exact.


Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois was elected the 44th President of the United States yesterday in an historic election marking the first time an African-American will assume the nation's highest office.

A state-by-state breakdown of those returns gave the President-elect more than 345 electoral votes, a commanding victory in the Electoral College, which requires 270 for election. His victory included states such as North Carolina and Virginia given to choosing Republican candidates in the last several Presidential elections.

Mr. Obama's victory speech in Springfield before a raucous crowd of thousands was frequently interrupted by chants of "yes we can!" Mr. Obama roused the crowd with a speech that included the promise that "yes we will."

In a break with tradition there apparently was no concession phone call from Mr. Obama's rival John McCain, nor any formal announcement of concession from his camp. Long time associates of Mr. McCain said this wasn't surprising given Mr. McCain's strongly competitive nature.


Much of the world reacted positively to the news that Barack Obama had won the Presidential election. In Europe, where President George W. Bush enjoyed a contentious relationship with leaders, spontaneous celebrations of thousands of citizens broke out in the streets of Paris, Berlin and other European capitols.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel issued a statement saying "the German government values it's relationship with the United States under President Bush is looking forward to working with President Obama on the many joint challenges facing our two nations."

Average Europeans were less circumspect in their reaction to Mr. Obama's victory. On the Champs-Elysées Charles Faure was part of a group of several thousand French youth waving American flags at passing cars. "It's like you haven't seen an old friend in a long time," Mr. Faure said. "Suddenly he is back at your door and it's wonderful."


Throughout the nation of Kenya celebrations broke out in cities and villages. In the small village of Alego, from which Barack Obama's father hails, the town square was crowded with dancing and singing villagers. 70-year old Robert Akello took a break from dancing to proclaim "this is big miracle."


At an "election party" at the Bahrain Air force Base in the Kingdom of Bahrain most of the soldiers interviewed would not state whether they'd voted for Mr. Obama or his rival John McCain. Nevertheless the spontaneous cheering that erupted in the room as the networks declared Mr. Obama the winner provided strong evidence of the preference of these troops.

One soldier who was willing to go on record admitted he had cast his vote for John McCain. "I didn't vote for Barack because I think McCain had more experience," said Corporal Steven Kelly. "But I can live with this."


Reached by phone at his Rainbow Coalition headquarters Civil Rights leader Jesse Jackson said "I never thought we'd reach the top of the mountain," he said. "Words can't express how I feel right now but I wish Martin and Coretta and Rosa were here to see this."


World markets which had lost 54% in the last few months reacted strongly to the news of Mr. Obama's victory. The Dow Jones Industrial gained 1256 points on closing with the NSDQ rising over 400 points. "Normally the markets don't like political change," said one Wall Street Analyst. "But in this case a little shakeup is just what the doctor ordered."


On capitol hill Democratic House and Senate Leaders were quickly coming to terms that the election of Obama along with the now 60 vote majority in the Senate meant that they were able to force legislative action with any Republican support.

In Washington D.C. Senator Hillary Clinton made a statement in front of supporters that at times sounded like a victory speech of her own. "Now that we made sure we have a Democratic President I'm going to make sure we have a Democratic agenda," she said. "That means fixing the economy but it also means we do something about health care."


The mood among Republicans at the news that they were completely shut-out of federal government power for the first time in 25 years was somber. One elected official who declined to be named for this article said "you'd like to try and put a happy face on this but it's pretty clear voters don't like us."

Republican appointees in Federal agencies who would soon be without jobs were even more apocalyptic. "In the past this wouldn't be a problem because we would be able to find a job in the private sector easily after working for Bush," said Interior Department Manager Gramm Wellington III. "With the economy the way it is I'm actually having to send out resumes. If things stay they way they are I might have to move back in with my parents."

What say we make these headlines a reality?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing.

My thoughts on last night's debate-

  • At times McCain came across like some sort of manic, egomaniacal, beardless garden gnome.
  • If there was one thing we all could agree on after the last debate that would improve McCain's performance it would be body language. I haven't the slightest doubt that McCain recieved tons of advice to not let his disdain for Obama show on camera. McCain ignored that advice (or couldn't control himself) as he was a full on dick once again.
  • When the original Star Trek was on the air William Shatner used to get jealous of all the fan mail Leonard Nimoy was recieving. He devised little things to draw attention to himself while the camera was rolling. His strange, stilted speech pattern was one of those things. Another was to have his back turned to the camera when they materialized on the transporter and then spin around quickly. That's what John McCain's weird behavior reminded me of.

  • McCain was even working the refs during the debate. When Obama was speaking you could see McCain gesturing to Brokaw in the background trying to get Brokaw to cut Obama off. Keep it classy, John.
  • One of the commentators on CBS after the debate said McCain "moved stiffly" around the stage. I believe the correct word is "doddered."
  • We often posit that people who are still undecided at this stage of the game are dumbasses. After listening to the comments of of the panel of regular undecided voters on CBS I would have to say we're underestimating their dumbassery. Morons, the lot of 'em.
  • Obama looked, acted and felt like the President of the United States.
  • Tuesday, October 07, 2008

    I cannot condone an act of sacrilege with my presence.

    I, for one, hope this rumor that Sarah Palin will appear on "Saturday Night Live" is not true.

    Palin doesn't get to be in on the joke. She IS the joke.

    This is one of the many reasons SNL is rarely anywhere near as funny as "The Daily Show" these days. The rich and powerful should be mocked, not coddled.

    I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!

    President Bush said yesterday that economic recovery is "going to take a while."

    True. It won't even start until January 21, 2009.

    Monday, October 06, 2008

    Smite me, oh mighty Smiter.

    For several years now I've been at a place where I would call myself an atheist. I simply don't believe in God.

    On the other hand "The American Carol" was handily beaten at the box office by "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" so there could be some sort of higher power in play.