Nothing is Beatle-proof!

Friday Beatles blogging.

Saturday Night Live - April 24th, 1976. Host: Paul Simon. Musical Guest: George Harrison.

Hi. I'm Lorne Michaels, the producer of "Saturday Night." Right now, we're being seen by approximately twenty-two million viewers, but please allow me, if I may, to address myself to just four very special people -- John, Paul, George and Ringo -- the Beatles.

Lately, there have been a lot of rumors to the effect that the four of you might be getting back together. That would be great. In my book, the Beatles are the best thing that ever happened to music. It goes even deeper than that. You're not just a musical group, you're a part of us. We grew up with you.

It's for this reason that I'm inviting you to come on our show. Now, we've heard and read a lot about personality and legal conflicts that might prevent you guys from reuniting. That's something which is none of my business. That's a personal problem. You guys will have to handle that.

But it's also been said that no one as yet has come up with enough money to satisfy you. Well, If it's money you want, there's no problem here. The National Broadcasting Company has authorized me to offer you this check to be on our show. (HOLDS UP CHECK) A certified check for $3,000. Here it is, right here. Dave -- can we get a close-up on this? Which camera? Oh, this one. (CAMERA MOVES IN TO SHOW CHECK) Here it is, a check made out to you, the Beatles, for $3,000.

All you have to do is sing three Beatle songs. She loves you Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's $1,000 right there. You know the words. It'll be easy. Like I said, this is made out to the Beatles -- you divide it up any way you want. If you want to give Ringo less, it's up to you. I'd rather not get involved. I'm sincere about this. If it helps you to reach a decision to reunite, it's well worth the investment. You have agents. You know where I can be reached. Just think about it, okay? (HOLDS UP CHECK AGAIN) Thank you.

A little later in the program George Harrison and Paul Simon performed together:




While this was happening John and Paul were actually in New York at John's apartment and watching SNL together and came one cab ride away from taking Michaels up on his offer. John talked about it in an interview with Playboy-

PLAYBOY: Aside from the millions you've been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels' generous offer of $3200 for appearing together on "Saturday Night Live" a few years ago?
LENNON: Oh, yeah. Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired.
PLAYBOY: How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together?
LENNON: That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him, "Please call before you come over. It's not 1956 and turning up at the door isn't the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring." He was upset by that, but I didn't mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day and some guy turns up at the door. . . . But, anyway, back on that night, he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there, watching the show, and we went, "Ha-ha, wouldn't it be funny if we went down?" but we didn't.

"Funny?" Funny? It would've been the ultimate pop culture put-on and would've never been matched. These guys were offered millions to get back together and then they do it for $3000.00. That would've been a sheer act of entertainment genius.

I'm sure Yoko is ultimately responsible for this not happening. Somehow.

Oh no, Toonces. Look out!

Yesterday Tony Snow stepped up to the podium, cleared his throat and vomited forth this nonsense:

"The Korean model is one in which the United States provides a security presence, but you've had the development of a successful democracy in South Korea over a period of years, and, therefore, the United States is there as a force of stability," he said.

Speaking for myself - it's becoming increasingly difficult to remain calm when you're in a car careening down a mountain road and President Toonces is driving.

Don't talk to me like that, assface.

Via Alicublog I see that Reihan Salam has chosen to take my name in vain in his article on movies entitled "Snob vs. Snob." To whit:

So, why is Fletch such a failure? It could be that—like it or not—hipster liberalism just doesn't mesh well with screwball comedy. Animal House, the ur-text, pits the lovable ne'er-do-wells of Delta Tau Chi against the duplicitous and icily priggish Dean Wormer, and we know from the start whom we're rooting for. Or take the more recent smash hit Wedding Crashers, in which a pair of charming scoundrels square off against the privileged scion of a great American family. To the extent there's any political subtext here, you might think it's simple, straightforward egalitarianism: You can't let some two-bit tyrant ruin all your fun, and you can't let some J. Press preppie bastard get the girl.

"Icily priggish?" Bite me, Salam. If anything I'm warmly priggish. Just for that he's on double, secret detention.

Start with his reference to the movies mentioned as falling into the genre of "screwball comedy." Really? Most of the screwball comedies (such as the defining classic "It Happened One Night") share only the barest resemblance to "Fletch" and "Animal House." Screwball comedies have never been completely defined but the few things they do tend to have in common are rapid, witty banter, sex without sex, romance and weird situations (having to haul around a leopard for example.) "Animal House" is a great movie but a classic screwball comedy it ain't.

But that nitpicking pales by comparison when put in context of his broader and hugely ignorant take on the politics of these films.

As a movie, Fletch is all but unwatchably bad. But as a cultural artifact, it is invaluable. Reagan had just been re-elected by a landslide when the film hit theaters in 1985, and Fletch reflects, in a strange and roundabout way, an era of wrenching liberal despair. While the enlightened bourgeoisie and their scruffy spawn were no longer running the country, they could at least laugh along with Chevy Chase as he poked fun at Reagan's America—the nouveau riche, the pig-headed cops, the Mormons.

Get that? "Fletch" is a bad film because Chevy Chase is portraying a character that is typical liberal snob. "Fletch" appeals to the left because he spends so much time sneering at little people he runs into in the course of the film. Fletch is a limousine liberal writ large which is why liberals love him.

If "Fletch" represents liberalism then what would be a good example of a film on the other side of spectrum? What could embody the spirit of conservatism? Why "Animal House," of course.

But there's more than a passing resemblance between this narrative and classic right-wing populism. Like "Bluto" Blutarsky rallying his fraternity to ruin the homecoming parade, crafty conservatives have been riling up middle America for decades against champagne-sipping limousine liberals. The boys in Animal House aren't, say, fighting tooth and nail for a living-wage ordinance. These mostly privileged young men are fighting for their right to party—a libertarian cause if there ever was one. And consider that the villain in Wedding Crashers is a Kennedy clone, a cultured environmentalist who hides his woman-hating ways behind earnest platitudes.

The only thing Bluto had in common with modern conservatism is his complete and implacable stupidity. In the scene Salam mentions above Bluto rallies the Deltas by asking rhetorically "did the Americans give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" A line that would be right at home coming out of the mouth of our current President.

"Crafty conservatives?" Puhleeze. The Deltas were a motley assortment of everybody that didn't fit in with the establishment and the school administration that supported them. The Deltas were made up of jews, slobs, drunks and a cross section of Americana that was in no way rich, white and waspy. They weren't "privileged" they were middle class and poor. The Deltas were anything but conservatives. Has he even seen the damn film?

These films did have a libertarian streak but it wasn't "conservative libertarianism," whatever the hell that is. It was that element of libertarianism focused on the idea that if it isn't hurting anyone then it's none of the government's damned business. That idea is anathema to what most self-described conservatives would believe is culturally acceptable.

But in a broader sense all of these films are about the phrase from "Caddyshack" that Salam tries to milk for irony in his title to his article: the slobs vs. the snobs. "Animal House," "Caddyshack" and the lesser "Fletch" are nothing but an index finger to the establishment. The rich and powerful are the villains of all these movies. This is class warfare with the heroes being the not-so-well-to-do. Is there any question which political party Judge Smails would belong to? Or Dean Wormer for that matter?

These films were popular and resonated with the public because they stuck it to the guys with the stick up their butts. Salam may want to pretend differently, but then I would simply answer with my favorite quote from the genre:

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Nip it. You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.

Why I'm not a Right Wing Blogger by Dean Vernon Wormer.

I have a sense of shame.

The End.


(Case in point - This weekend Atrios pooches something and then publicly flogs himself for getting the basic facts of the matter wrong. At the very same time the conservative Ace of Spades completely botches another "fake memo" story but refuses to apologize or make a correction proving once again that the conservative blogsphere is made up of a bunch of intellectually stunted four year olds.)

Wa, wa, wa, wa.

I'm sad to admit that I think this is good news.

FORT WORTH, Texas -- Cindy Sheehan, the soldier's mother who galvanized an anti-war movement with her monthlong protest outside President Bush's ranch, said Tuesday she's done being the public face of the movement.

I like Cindy Sheehan and am thankful for her initial efforts to end the war and the gold star families for peace, but she's simply become too much of a distraction and is actually detracting from the peace movement's cause at this date, IMHO.

I've had to check myself quite a bit to make sure I'm not internalizing the Right's caricature of Sheehan. Conservatives hate her guts and love to use the same sort of "moonbat" comments that they regularly toss at the likes of Michael Moore and Al Gore, usually built on the given that outspoken liberal icons are crazy by definition. Don't bother asking them why. All grown-ups are difficult to understand if you're Charlie Brown.

But in this case Sheehan really has done some crazy, counterproductive stuff that has hurt the movement to end the war. Her comments that hurricane Rita was no big deal, protest blocking access to the U.N. last year and pseudo hunger-strike are just some examples of a rather self-distructive personality that is not media savvy.

I wish her well and continue to hold out hope that the broader anti-war movement get it's act together and realize that the overall goal of ending the war isn't always compatible with saying the first thing that comes into your mouth or getting oneself arrested. Times have changed.

Don't underestimate the Force.

Star Wars.

Were the horrible prequel triology not now a permanent part of the story there isn't a doubt on my mind that I'd want to say something today to mark the anniversary of the release of that first film thirty (thirty!) years ago. As it was I almost let the date pass. Almost. Then I read this really heartfelt ode to that wonderful first film and started to reflect and then, finally, to get quite a bit nostalgic.

I remember vividly remember seeing Star Wars as a kid. For my birthday my parents rented a van and took a bunch of my classmates and me to a showing at the now defunct Westgate cinemas. I'd seen a few movies before then but it was still unreal that we had to wait in line for over an hour just to see a movie. The sense of anticipation was crazy.

Everything after the point film started, the lights dimmed and the Twentieth Century Fox came up with those drums played and the end credits over John Williams greatest score is a blur. I remember this film as the first movie that had completely captured my imagination. At no point was I sitting there in a dirty theater with spilled pop and popcorn on the floor- I WAS in a galaxy far, far away having all sorts of adventures with Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and their sidekicks. It was an out of body experience.

I had an older friend named Larry who passed away a couple of years ago of whom which we shared a mutual, and lifetime love of film. Larry had an extensive collection of hand written lists he asked people to write over the years listing their top ten films. I asked Larry one time what was the film that really hooked him on cinema and why. He answered that his favorite move "Shane" had been the first film that had really hit him when he saw it as a child and that "it was the first time I had an out of body experience."

Regardless of the lousy prequels, Jar Jar and the sad, sad decline of George Lucas I still owe Star Wars something very important to who I am. My love of film is a direct result of the imagination and effort of Lucas, Williams and company those thirty years ago. For that I am immensly greatful.

May the force be with you.

Dean

If you want to survive out here, you've got to know where your towel is.

Friday Towel Blogging.

Today is the anniversary of the death of the greatest man the universe has ever had the temerity to squat out- Douglas Adams.

In memory of this great man don't forget to take your towel with you wherever you go.

If you have a minute you might want to play a little bit of the Infocom Text Adventure based on the book. The "Babel Fish" puzzle is universally considered to be the hardest puzzle ever included in a computer game.

(I made that last bit up but it's true.)

Then don't forget to drink a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in memory of Douglas.

Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's *stupid*, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?

In the off chance you haven't seen this already - Olbermann is spot on is right; they were elected to one thing.

They've failed.

If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.

I realized yesterday that although my outrage meter on George W. Bush has long sense maxed out, I still have room for plenty of outrage aimed at Democrats in congress. I am simply livid that they caved to Bush on the Iraq supplemental and basically gave him everything he wanted to let him push this disaster onto the lap of the next President.

There's a whole hell of a lot to say about this and how it's a fundamental betrayal of the will of the American people not to mention just plain stupid politics when dealing with a President as unpopular as Bush, but I just want to address one little canard that crawled out of the mud yesterday - Nicholas Beaudrot's much talked about contention that this is a direct result of Democrats taking power through the election of moderates in Republican districts.

Put aside the dubious methodology to Beaudrot uses to come to this conclusion the bottom line is it's completely irrelevant how Democrats won the last election. What's important is that there was a referendum on George W. Bush and his execution of the war in Iraq. Can anybody name any other national issue that was debated in every district in the country? Can anybody seriously argue that the message voters sent to our leaders was to get our boys the hell out of that quagmire?

Democratic congressmen of all stripes - moderates, liberals, conservatives or martian - were put in power to end this stupid fucking war. Democratic politicians like Pelosi and Reid who fail in that fundamental task aren't just sticking their finger in the eyes of the Democratic base, they're giving the majority of Americans the finger.

Walter, you're wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way.

It's not often that I feel the need to comment on the death of a famous businessman but I was saddened to hear that local tire legend Les Schwab. The couple of bios I've read focused on Schwab's involvement in the community, focus of keeping the corporate headquarters in rural Oregon and commitment to sharing the profits of his company with his workers. All admirable stuff.

But the thing that sticks out in my mind when I think of Schwab's company more than those things is their commitment to providing excellent service to customers. The company stands head and shoulders above any other company I can think of when it comes to provide quality service. In today's world that's just unheard of.

A few years ago the Missus and I were visiting a small Washington burg on a Sunday when the breaks went out on our car. We were able to make it to a Les Schwab that was closing with only a couple of employees left. After explaining the situation to the guys they re-opened the shop just for us and repaired our brakes, only charging us cost and not overtime and refusing tips. That led to one of the only letters I've ever written to a company praising their service.

I wish more American companies followed Schwab's model for service. I'm keeping my finger's crossed that his death doesn't lead to a downturn in such service at the company he ran so successfully.