She sips nitro... with Phase 4 heads! 600 horsepower through the wheels! She's meanness set to music and the bitch is born to run!

Forgive me if I'm less than excited that the "Cash For Clunkers" bill passed the House.

The bill awards cash vouchers of $3500-$4500 for those willing to trade in a vehicle rated at an EPA estimated 18 mpg or less for a vehicle rated at a marginally better MPG.

If you can hear my cynicism bleeding through this writing then that would be because I consider this bill poor social engineering if you're trying to get more fuel efficient cars on the road. A better use of these limited federal funds would be to renew now defunct tax credits for the purchase of the most popular Toyota and Honda hybrids.

It seems to me that the environment would be better served by getting more city folks from marginally good MPG cars into excellent MPG hybrids than it would getting rural folks from sucky MPG trucks or SUVs into slightly less sucky MPG trucks or SUVS.

I realize that a big part of the push behind this bill has nothing to do with the environment. The idea is to give the U.S. auto industry a boost by moving some of the surplus sitting on lots as soon as possible. Great.

But if you REALLY wanted to help the U.S. auto industry long term then wouldn't this 4.5 billion be better spent on developing a hybrid or electric car that's affordable (i.e NOT a $40k Chevy Volt?)

Take a loss on the crap sitting on lots at the moment by drastically discounting it and selling it. Then start actually working to position itself for the rest of this century by focusing on inexpensive, environmentally sound cars.

But then I'm just some poor schlub blogging on the internet and not a politician. What do I know?

No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass.

Shamelessly borrowed from Fark. From where it came before that I haven't the foggiest.

By virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitartus Committiartum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of ThD.

Gratz to #1Animefan who graduated from middle school last night and scored an amazing 550 out of 550 possible points on hor 8th grade project/ autobiography.

I'm a proud papa.

We had to brave a frikkin' thunderstorm with threat of tornado (TORNADO!) to get to the ceremony. This is Oregon not Kansas, right? Although we do have a little dog...

(On a side note- I've been to tons of graduations and promotions and last other than my daughter looking beautiful and getting her degree the ceremony itself was especially ponderous. An hour of listening to the "popular" girls in the glass sing off key karaoke is not exactly highlighting the school's cultural and artistic offerings.)

Winifred, I should like to make a slight differentiation between the word cheerful and just plain giddy irresponsibility.

On a lighter note here are some happy videos I found and thought I'd share.

The first is a mix of Mary Poppins using samples from the movie with a bit of original music. My family sat around the PC this morning before work/ school and watched this a couple of times. Absolutely lovely.



This is a web ad for Cinematic Titanic so those of you who aren't familiar with what I was talking about can get an idea. I'm going to buy this one because it looks pretty funny.



This is an ad for Beatles Rock Band rolled out this week that is plain beautiful. Somebody should win an award for this damned thing. It's just that creative.

When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.

I was sad to hear of the passing of actor David Carradine. I've always been a fan of his work especially his B films such as "Death Race 2000."

Of course he was best known as the character Kwai Chang Caine in the "Kung Fu" television series. That series utilized one of the simplest and best formulas of American storytelling - the peace-loving loaner who is bullied to the point of fighting back.

Television often reflects society. "Kung Fu" tapped into America's self image of the sleeping giant dragged against it's will into WW 2. It's the "Once that fight was started we were damned well going to finish it" view most Americans had of how the war transpired.

What I think is ironic is that there's a good portion of Americans who if they watched "Kung Fu" now would identify more with the ignorant bullies that plague Caine rather than the reluctant pacificist hero of the show.

In honor of Carradine here are a few quotes from that great series I'm shamelessly lifting from IMDB...

Young Caine: You cannot see.
Master Po: You think I cannot see?
Young Caine: Of all things, to live in darkness must be worst.
Master Po: Fear is the only darkness.

Master Po: What do you hear?
Caine: I hear the grasshopper.

Caine: I seek not to know the answers, but to understand the questions.

Master Khan: Avoid, rather than check. Check, rather than hurt. Hurt, rather than maim. Maim, rather than kill. For all life is precious, nor can any be replaced.

Caine: Is it good to seek the past, Master Po? Does it not rob the present?
Master Po: If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present. But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nurtured by the roots of our past.

Master Kahn: In striving for an ideal, we do not seek rewards. Yet trust does sometimes bring with it a great reward, even greater than good.
Young Caine: What is greater than good?"
Master Kahn: Love.

Master Po: I have three treasures which I hold and keep. The first is mercy, for from mercy comes courage. The second is frugality, from which comes generosity to others. The third is humility, for from it comes leadership.
Young Caine: Strange treasures. How shall I hold them and keep them? Memory
Master Po: No, Grasshopper, not in memory, but in your deeds.

Caine: If you plant rice, rice will grow. If you plant fear, fear will grow.

RIP David.

Ahh, yes, the haunting Torgo theme.

Since my son was old enough to walk he's enjoyed certain things in life. He has those normal boy interests of course: full contact sports, burning ants with a magnifying glass, practical jokes on his buddies, climbing things, making the lives of his sisters a living hell. You get the picture.

He's also had more esoteric tastes in literature and film that kind of set him apart in our podunk little town. A couple of things he's loved since he was very little are Godzilla films and Mystery Science Theater with both Joel and Mike as the hosts. At one point when he was probably six-years old he found out MST had riffed on a Godzilla movie. The resulting mix of matter/ anti-matter in his brain cause a minor emotional breakdown.

Even though he's twelve he still likes to throw a MST film in the DVD player when he has downtime. One of the unforeseen side effects of this is that he unconsciously mocks everything he watches. This drives Mrs. Wormer crazy when she's trying to watch "Mrs. Marple," Jane Austin or some BBC period piece.

We do family stuff but we also try and do fun stuff on an individual basis with our kids every once in a while. I've been trying to figure out something to do with my son since it's his turn but nothing really lept out at me as sufficiently cool until just recently. I found out Cinematic Titanic were coming to town.

Cinematic Titanic is Mystery Science Theater creator Joel Hodgson's current live movie riffing project. It includes the entire original cast of the show- Trace Beaulieu (Crow, Dr. Forrester), J. Elvis Weinstein (Tom Servo, Dr. Erhardt), Frank Conniff (TV's Frank), and Mary Jo Pehl (Pearl Forrester.)

So Mrs. Wormer and I jumped at the idea and we bought a couple of tickets. There was never any question that I was going to be the one who got to go with our son. Mrs. Wormer was too close to violently assaulting Joel if given the chance because of too many repeated viewings of "Eegah!" We decided it would be safer if I went.

Keep in mind this was the end of April when we purchased the tickets. We decided to keep the exact nature of the event we were taking the boy to a secret. All we told him is we were going to do "something really fun" at the end of May. We tortured him.

So Saturday night I drove a very clueless but excited son downtown on what turned out to be a weird, wonderful evening. The Rose Festival Starlight Parade was also taking place downtown and the place was a madhouse that just added to the anticipation.

Because of the nature of the venue we got all the way into the theater and into our front row seats with my son remaining ignorant as to what we were doing. He got a big frown on his face when he heard the usher mention "Titanic."

As we sat there one of the technicians started handing out little blue cards to write questions for the cast on. My son said "questions?" I asked him "If you could ask Joel Hodgson from Mystery Science Theater anything what would it be?"

His mouth dropped open, "Joel's going to be here!?"

"Not just Joel but the whole damned cast from the show and they're going to riff on a movie live," I answered. I got a tremendous hug from the little guy in response.

After a few minutes my son calmed down and we wrote down questions for Joel. My son's question was "Eegah!" centered of course - "When they put you in the Arch Hall Jr. machine how did you feel?" We turned in our cards and waited.

The opening of the show was hysterical. Each member of the cast comes out and does an opening bit culminating in Joel taking the stage and answering the questions submitted. He only answered a few but amazingly enough picked mine and Dean Jr.'s to read. When he answered my sons he singled him out in the front row and said his name aloud. It couldn't get any better than that.

Then the movie started. We watched some horrible film from the sixties called "Terror on Tiki Island." Sitting just a few feet from us on stage was Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu. Every time Dean Jr. would crack up Frank Conniff would lean over in his chair and start laughing as well. He was obviously getting a kick out of the little guy.

After the show we went through the autograph line with the cast and Mary Jo really loved that we'd surprised Dean Jr. by attending. They all remembered my son as the kid in the front row with the question. Joel was kind enough to let my son have his picture taken with him. Nice guys all the way around.

Dean Jr. couldn't stop thanking me for the evening. We both had a great time.


(Frank Conniff jokes with my son. Joel is to his right.)



(The Cast - Trace Beaulieu in foreground.)

I've got time for Tom, Dick and Harry Foolery too!!!!

Last year I uncovered evidence of nefarious goings on among the castaways on Gilligan's Island. Long thought to be a family friendly sitcom, I believe that the show is much more subversive than it's given credit for.

The other day I was watching the show with my kids and found further support for my theory. Gilligan is walking along when the Professor, hiding in nearby bushes, shoves a bamboo stick out and trips our hapless hero. After he falls you can clearly see the butt of a cigarette in the sand by his hand.

Obviously the castaways aren't the happy-go-lucky innocents (except Ginger) they pretend to be. Smoking weed. Cigarettes. Booze. What else is going on behind the scenes? Attempts to raise Ry'leh. Crossbreeding with the Deep Ones? Having their bodies switched around by a mad scientist? The mind boggles.

(Evidence of subversive castaway activity.)

Taste is not the same as appetite, and therefore not a question of morals.

One more thing regarding the Sotomayor nomination...

I noticed yesterday that the Wall Street Journal and other conservative mouthpieces had taken up the cry against "empathy" which Sotomayor had at one point argued is an important trait for a judge to embody. The general argument is trying to use pigeonhole Sotomayor into the larger conservative frame that liberal judges are wishy-washy emotional basket cases while conservatives are cold, rational purveyors of the rule of law.

I find the argument against empathy kind of puzzling. The opposite of empathy isn't objective reason. Consider that the most famous people who lacked empathy were guys with names like Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, David Berkowitz and Jeffrey Dahmer. In our society those that lack empathy for other living things could generally be classified as "sociopaths," not brave defenders of reason above emotion.

There might be something to saying that all conservatives are sociopaths to a greater or lesser degree. That's not an argument I'm making here. I'd point out for example that conservatives have occasionally demonstrated great shows of empathy towards others, although usually it's finely focused on the rich, powerful or only those that they share direct personal experience (James Brady.)

On the other hand there's the example of the conservative Dick Cheney. It's clear to me that other different circumstances, were he not to have had the mechanisms of the federal government at his disposal to torture and maim others, Dick Cheney would have amassed a body count one way or the other. Had he been a video store clerk instead of a Secretary of Defense and Vice President I don't doubt for second that he would've eventually made the national news due to a horrific discovery in the freezer of his apartment. Cheney is quite clearly a sociopath.

Empathy is that which separates man from animal, christian from gentile, liberal from conservative and decent Supreme Court justice from Antonin Scalia. The idea that a judge that actually understands the implications of how she rules to all the citizens of this land would somehow be a bad something is the greatest form of lunacy.

On an unrelated note I have a review of "Drag Me To Hell" up at Swiney's place.

Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise!

Regarding the Sotomayor nomination-

Good. She looks like an excellent choice IMHO. I love that she chose law as a career because, in part, she was inspired by watching Perry Mason.

Conservatives have already thrown themselves on the floor and begun their tantrum. So far they're focusing on this.

"I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life," said Judge Sotomayor.

At the risk of offending my friends of faith I do have to admit that I'm occasionally dumbstruck when I step back and consider that fairly benign observations like the above referenced Sotomayor views are considered "crazy" in that they might inform her judicial philosophy, but the idea that the views of a judge based on the words contained in a 2000-year old book stuffed full of what rational people might consider the stuff of fantasy are somehow beyond reproach when it comes to potentially informing the decisions of such a judge.

It's a weird, weird, world.

If you want to survive out here, you've got to know where your towel is.

Happy Memorial Day!

Besides commemorating our brave vets lets not forget that today is also Towel Day. Don't let any strag or Bugblatter Beast catch you without your towel.