He's stuck, that's what it is. He's in between worlds.

I have an opportunity to see a ghost.

Let me back up just a bit. In the last few years I've come to realize that I don't really believe in anything that's not scientifically quantifiable. That realization wasn't some sort of angry epiphany that ended with me cursing the heavens, but rather the slow, sad recognition that what we have here is probably all there is.

At no point in my life have I had any sort of paranormal experience. I've never witnessed a UFO. I've never stumbled across a giant footprint in the snow, seen a long neck appear out of a Scottish loch and I've never run in fear from the ghost of the Headless Horseman.

I've had plenty of friends and family that have described paranormal experiences. From exorcisms to hauntings. Probably the most disturbing was Grandma and Grandpa's calm, reasoned description of the ghostly cloud that used to snake around their property. While I respected all of these people's earnest retellings of their experiences it just never "sunk in" with me. I'm never 100% on board.

Which is why I've been giving a lot of thought to actually searching out a paranormal experience of my own. I've begun to looking into local ghost-hunting groups. Due to the sheer number of reported ghost sightings ghosts are the low-hanging fruit on the paranormal tree, in my opinion.

Then this week an opportunity fell into my lap. The wife, who is more than a little familiar with this obsession, was talking to a customer at her shop when somehow this subject came up. It seems the customer has a turn of the century rental house that they've recently purchased that she swears is haunted. Besides strange noises, lamps and chairs falling over on their own there have apparently been apparitions of a man that appear at the bedside of people staying in the house.

Her customer has offered to let us stay in the house and experience it first hand. What do you guys think? Should we take her up on the offer? Or will we be messing with forces beyond our mortal comprehension?

Karnack is attempting to divine an answer and you're sitting here, giggling. May I have silence, please?

Dr. Zaius does a little political predicting of his own.

I do not fear a skunk. I simply do not care for its odor.

Yesterday the Draft Bloomberg movement swung into full gear. If I had to wager I'd bet he'll throw his hat in the ring. Only our sane national leaders seem to be immune to the urgings of the little mini-me whispering "run, run" into their ear. Bloomberg doesn't fit that bill.

Yesterday also marked the exclusion of Dennis Kucinich from the Democratic debate in Arizona by MSNBC as the result of a last minute Arizona Supreme Court victory. Only the big three, one of which I support, took the stage. They were all in the wrong for doing so without Kucinich, in my humble opinion. Play fair guys.

Let's keep that in mind as we look ahead to the national debates that will take place after the parties have made their nominees official in their conventions. Judging by the standards set by the media in the Kucinich case I will say unequivocally that independent candidate Michael Bloomberg should not, under any circumstances, be included in those debates.

Of course he probably will be included even though at that point not a single American will have voted for him. The media, not the voters, get to provide our choices in this day and age.

So please join me in preemptive outrage at this series of events. One more straw to put on the back of the crushed, rotting camel carcass that is America.

They'd be no tribble at all.

Scenes you'd forgotten (or wish you had) Part 4: Scotty is One Sick Puppy.

In the classic Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" Captain Kirk returns to the bridge at the end of the episode to find all the cute, furry tribbles are gone.

As the rest of the crew evade Kirk's inquiries into what happened to the tribbles Scotty finally admits that he beamed the "whole kit n'kaboodle" over to the Klingon Engine Room right before the Klingons take-off.

Captain Kirk, or should I say "Captain Jerk," and the rest of the bridge crew have a HUGE laugh at this without anyone stopping to ask what will happen to a bunch of furry, defenseless critters sent onto a ship crewed by the most murderously vicious aliens in the galaxy who happen, by the way, to hate cute, cuddly tribbles most of all.

I'll tell you what happened. The Klingons went on a murderous bender. They slaughtered the tribbles en masse. They ate the Tribbles alive, played Klingon foosball with them and generally made a huge mess composed of blood, tribble bits and fur.

Scotty's no hero. He's the man responsible for the Tribblecaust.

(A Klingon Engineer "cleans-up" a Tribble)

You make me want to be a better man.

Thank you Dennis Kucinich for your action yesterday. All of us regardless of party or political worldview are hurt when the media decides who can and cannot be represented in the primary debates.

If you've got a few extra doubloons throw them his way.

I'm going to donate but also I think a special reward is in order. As a thank you to Dennis I'd be willing to take his wife out to dinner so she can get some rest off of the campaign trail.

It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

(Thus completes the Jack Nicholson trifecta.)

Little people, why can't we all just get along?

UFO sighting + Texas = wacky hilarity.

"Several dozen people -- including a pilot, county constable and business owners -- say they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it."

Interesting. I'm sure the locals handled it with their usual sophisticated aplomb.

"People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times," said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. "It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts."

Because that's how Jesus will return to earth and begin the rapture - in a mile-wide flying saucer.

(Pictured: the King of Kings and his robot disciple Gort.)

Who's the head bull-goose loony around here?

Today our glorious leader made a speech in Saudi Arabia in which he said --

“Iran’s actions threaten the security of nations everywhere,” he said. “So the United States is strengthening our longstanding security commitments with our friends in the gulf and rallying friends around the world to confront this danger before it is too late.”

It's not too early to begin considering what kind of life Bush will lead Post-Presidency. Some Ex-Presidents, such as Bush's father George H.W. Bush, use their experience in office to enrich themselves with $200,000 dollar speaking engagements. Some Ex-Presidents like Jimmy Carter use their experience to make the world a better place building homes for low-income people.

Bush? I suspect he won't really have a choice. He'll have to spend most of his time hiding from the guys with the butterfly nets so he doesn't find himself in this situation-

(Above - President Bush hides from Nurse Ratched)

Jesus, this guy's good!

Wow. McCain is 'reshaping' the GOP race.

So instead of this -

It will look like this -

I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

Of course the royal family wasn't plotting to kill Princess Diana.

It was Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick.

Duh.

Hahaha. How ironic. Okay, ask me something. Ask me something which you think I lied about.

Occasionally some knuckle-dragging Bush fan will write the local rag accusing Bush's critics of distorting his record (as if that was necessary) and taunting them to prove Bush lied. About anything.

Most of read this stuff and reflect on the sheer volume of mendacity produced by this administration, even on their first days of office (Clinton White House vandalism) and sit in stunned admiration at the sheer self-delusion necessary to convince oneself that Bush is a straight-shooter.

This weekend Bush repeated one of his favorite little lies in an interview with Israeli reporters. When asked again about his decision to invade Iraq he pulled out the old "Sadaam wouldn't allow the inspectors in" chestnut.

Bush just loves to trot out this little revisionist pony. Here it is from March of 2006.

"I also saw a threat in Iraq. I was hoping to solve this problem diplomatically. That's why I went to the Security Council; that's why it was important to pass [Resolution] 1441, which was unanimously passed. And the world said, disarm, disclose, or face serious consequences -- and therefore, we worked with the world, we worked to make sure that Saddam Hussein heard the message of the world. And when he chose to deny inspectors, when he chose not to disclose, then I had the difficult decision to make to remove him. And we did, and the world is safer for it."

Complete bullshit, of course. Bush ordered the inspectors out of Iraq so he could start bombing. How can anyone come to any other conclusion than the man is a mendacious liar of the worst sort?