Monday, January 05, 2009

Now we English are a practical people. I've no intention of drowning with you.

"What I did on my Christmas vacation" by Vernon Wormer.

Mostly I read, relaxed, caught up on movies and ate.

I did have a couple of eventful things happen.

We were invited to a formal, black-tie party on New Year's Eve at the Hilton. My buddy who owns the local paper had talked the guy organizing the event into comped rooms and tickets in exchange for advertising in his paper.

The thing was insane. There were six bands each playing in different ballrooms and representing different eras of rock from Motown to grunge. Booze and food flowed freely (we had set up a mini bar in one of the hotel rooms.) We had a freakin' blast.

Unfortunately the other big event wasn't as much fun. It's still snowing here and we've had flooding in the little creek that runs through the property. The house has been okay but the goat pen was almost completely flooded with just the little goat house being the only thing above water.
So I had to wade out into the creek (now about three-feet deep) with a shovel and try and divert the thing around the goat pen. All the while Little Joe was standing in his house bleating at me---

"Meh! Meh! Meh!"

Which translated from goat means "get the water out of my pen you stupid, hornless fucker!"

After several hours I was able to divert the rapids without even a "thank you" from the fat little bastard. The neighbor won't be too pleased with the new course of the creek, but that's his problem.

Anyhoo, it's nice to be back in my cushy office sipping my java. Work is more relaxing.


Swinebread said...

I thought the goat was living in the tree fort?

Arkonbey said...

After several hours I was able to divert the rapids without even a "thank you" from the fat little bastard.

well, you could sit in his pen and read him excerpts from an Indian cookbook.

In southern Mass. in the 80s, my uncle kept sheep and ducks. During a big flood of the Blackstone River his yard (a half-mile from the river) flooded to a depth of about 1 foot. The ducks had a blast until they just floated away in the meandering current, never to be seen again.

Dean Wormer said...


That's actually not a bad idea. They like heights.


well, you could sit in his pen and read him excerpts from an Indian cookbook.


I like the duck story. Goats hate to be wet so him swimming away isn't much of an issue. Drowning on the other hand...

Randal Graves said...

Can a goat get someone's goat?

Ubermilf said...

I didn't know you had a goat.

Dean Wormer said...


Obviously they can. Plus- they have devil eyes.

Don Snabulus said...

It has been a weird year for snow...especially at your place. For your creek diversion, you deserve an honorary Corps of Engineers badge.

Life As I Know It Now said...

ah, the joys of climate change where you get extreme weather year round all around the globe...

ladybug said...

Sounds like fun...I wanna hear ALL the gossip from your big night out! Gotta schedule a weekend w/the kid & mrs dean soon for the craft exchange...

Dean Wormer said...


Crosposted. Yes, we have a goat. His name is Little Joe but I call him "Rasputin" because we keep buying him goat friends and they keep biting the bullet. Plus- he's survived attacks by dogs, wasps, etc. He's invincible.


I do have a fondness for the corps, as you know.


Yup. We still have knuckleheads writing the paper saying "Al Gore should come to Oregon and apologize" as if global warming means it's going to be all tropical or something. Morons.


Were thinking about an inauguration party. I'm checking as to whether the office is closed for the MLK holiday.

Ubermilf said...

You know, it's the female goats that give you good things like milk and cheese and stuff.

In case you didn't know.

ThoughtCriminal said...

Little Joe also thinks that you are responsible for the collapse of the housing bubble. I recommend blocking whatever cable news channel it's watching.

Lockwood said...

Glad to see you back, Dean! No snow left in CVO; we did have some sleet last night, but it warmed up (!) as the evening went on. No goats either. But the students are back- if they'd restrict themselves to "Meh, meh, meh," that'd be fine. Of course they don't. If you want to divert your creek through some of the local Frats, I'd take it as a chit owed.

Rickahyatt said...

Hey, isn't it obvious? ()bama says he'll release his birth certificate on MLK Day, & I believe him. He says there will be "Blood in the streets & military mutiny" if he doesn't, and he knows there will be, anyway.

For he will release his Indonesian BC & then claim that since he's Asian/Black/Liberal White in a black sheep's clothing, and that everyone on Welfare WANTS HIM, then what the hell do the US Constitution and the Executive Branch mean, anyway?

THIS on MLK Day, which, you will remember, was drummed up by "Certain members" of Congress back then to be a celebratory 3-Day weekend, based on King's birthday, not his shooting, all with a Gregorian calendar, and the emotional appeal of JFK's shooting long ago in mind.

Enemy Action, folks. It's called Espionage.

Something the CHICOMS consider themselves very good at - Taking out their enemie's leaders, first, and then...

Dean Wormer said...


True. But they also give you little goats.


He also spends a ton on pay per view. Mostly wrestling.


I'll send the creek down your way. We'll show those frat brats.



ThoughtCriminal said...

Just one more idea. Build a bridge over the creek and hire some trolls.

Dean Wormer said...


I'm running with that idea since I already have the Billy Goat Gruff.