Friday, September 19, 2008

But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.

Ahoy me hearties!

This weekend be the Portland Pirate Festival.

Plenty of music, grog and chow crawling out of the bung hole at St. Johns.

Dress smartly. Lubbers welcome.

Here be some pirate pick-up lines I've shamelessly looted.

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
Come on up and see me urchins.
Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
Well blow me down?
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let's get together and haul some keel.
That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

You bilge rats can find your pirate name here or here or here.

I be Left Eye Lewie. What be your name?


Randal Graves said...

Baginda Mugsy Giles. I wonder if I get any Slayers in swanky pirate outfits.

Dean Wormer said...


Remember you're just a Watcher. No touching!

ladybug said...



of course - as it evokes a certain type of woman, dressed primarily in black (with thigh-high leather boots), who isn't afraid of being a "leader" of men! :P

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Well shiver me timbers, I do loves me a post that uses the words "bung hole" in it.

Overdroid said...


DivaJood said...

My name be Princess Chloe Delatorre and I sail the Pirate Ship "Miss Armela Sea Dragon". Avast ye nasty plunderers, I can out plunder ye all. Yarrrr.

Pilar Penobscot said...

The only thing authentically pirate-like about this festival is this ticket price. I took one of my girls last year, and 80 bucks later we'd seen the same schmuck who does a lame parrot show for free at the zoo, ate a seven dollar corn dog, and watched overstuffed LARPers in corsets attempt the same creepy mating dances you see at Ren Faires or Sci Fi Cons.

Oh, yeah, the have bouncy castles.

Four about sixty bucks more, you can set foot on an actual sloop they have moored at the usually-public (and free) boat dock at the city park they cordon off for this event.

Crappy Pirate Festival is crappy.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Pirate Name: Ratu Nakita Gillis
Ship Name: Queen Olores Killer Of The West

I am a queen if I do say so myself :)

ladybug said...

Hey-Snabby & a friend went to the Portland fest and HAD A BLAST! It was very well run, had tons of entertainment on 3 stages, lots of fun folks hangin' out. He vowed we will ALL return for next year's party!

Dean Wormer said...


No wonder I like pirate women so much.


It's a real pirate-y term. I don't know what you mean. :-)


back at ya.


Miss Armela Sea Dragon sounds like a scary ship. I'll steer clear of it when I'm on the high seas.


That is truly a bummer. We've gone to pirate festivals at the coast but never to the one in Portland and they have been pretty affordable.

At the one we went to a couple of years ago you could tour both sloops for free and for $50 go out on the ships where they reinacted a battle with cannons and everything. We watched this from the shore which was just as fun.


Ratu Nakita Gillis will be a pirate legend.


We were going to head down there but ran out of time this weekend since I wound up going to duck game. I must have a report...

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