Thursday, July 03, 2008

Let's give that son-of-a-bitch bear a run for his money!

Stephen Colbert is right. Bears are not our friends.

It seems there have been a rash of bear attacks including one within a couple of miles of my house here in Oregon.

"I believe all God's creatures have a soul — except bears, Bears are actually Satan's children." - Colbert.

Of course there's a good reason the bears are pissed. If you had to listen to years of the constant nay-saying and harping of this guy you'd probably go a bit nuts yourself.


Randal Graves said...

You best not go picnicking for awhile, just to be on the safe side.

Or fill your basket with C-4.

Don Snabulus said...

Must be Al-Qaeda bears. Time to take another swipe at the 4th amendment.

Bradda said...

Is it the bears fault that humans are so fun to maul?

Fran said...

I'd like to arrange a summit in the Oregon woods... Bush, Cheney, Condi, McCain, Lieberman.


Life As I Know It Now said...

beary nice.

Arkonbey said...

the problem is you guys have black bears. They're all cute and non-intimidating and stuff and it fools people.

At least when I lived on Kodiak we had 10' tall 900 lb brown-trouser-inducing monstrosities...

mwb said...

The bears are coming for you Dean.


pissed off patricia said...

Maybe it's time for the annual teddy bear's picnic.

ThoughtCriminal said...

Ranger Smith was totally ineffective.

Swinebread said...

well if folks stopped stealing their land, maybe there would be less problems

Westcoast Walker said...

All those teddy bears we grew up with was just some brainwashing ploy by the pro-bear lobby to lull us into a false sense of security with those furry little monsters.

Freida Bee said...

Dean- It's time to stop carrying around a pocketful of bloody things. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

It happens a lot here in Albuquerque, too. Especially on dry years.

Animals used to be able to go from the mountain to the river. Now, there's a city in the way. If the weather is dry and there isn't enough food on the mountain, where people also live now, they'll start looking in garbage bins and maybe even come into the city. They'll be tranquilized and moved the first time, but if they try it again they'll be killed because they have "lost their fear of mankind." In Europe they put feeding stations in the mountains so this won't happen, but here we won't because "we don't want the bears to be dependent on us." The authorities here are very careful not to INTERFERE with nature, while conveniently ignoring the fact that the new subdivisions going up everywhere do exactly that.

So we build our neighborhoods in the woods and reduce their food supply.

We do nothing to replace that food supply.

When they come looking for food anyway because they can smell our garbage, we say that they are "encroaching on OUR areas" and kill them.

Dave The Angry Rhode Islander said...

I thought you were talking about the Chicago Bears; Ditka, The Fridge, McMahon, Payton. Da Berse.

Send Ditka up there to wrassle them bears. It's like the old SNL skit - Ditka vs. Godzilla? Ditka! Your bear problems will be over.

Over? Did you say 'over'?...

Dean Wormer said...


Doesn't everybody pack high explosives for picnics?


Boo-boo was al-qaeda but not Yogi.


I like the way you're thinking...


I had to paws to consider what you wrote.


True, kodiaks would be more intimidating than black bears but black bears pack heat.


The bear is calling from inside the house!


Oh, sure, they're cute and cuddly until they split your skull like an eggshell and use the top half for a chip dip bowl. Teddy bears.


Ranger Smith is a government worker. 'Nuff said.


You make it sound like we're putting them on bear reservations.




Where else should I keep my bloody things except my pocket?


Turns out this lady was regularly FEEDING the bears and luring them to her property in this case. She's not the brightest bulb.

To control the bear population i say we bring back the gladitorial games and pit Bush administration lackies against bears and lions.


Ha! I loved that great skit at the time but the idea of Chris Farley restarting his heart makes me a little uncomfortable in retrospect, ya know?