Friday, December 26, 2008

He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.

Ladybug pointed me towards this post and dared me (dared me!) to disclose any man crushes I might secretly harbor.

Well, I'm man enough to admit when I find another somebody attractive, even if they happen to have a Schwanzstucker.

Gene Wilder

In his prime there was nobody better in Hollywood that could play a tightly coiled maniac like Gene. He has a unique ability to be able to portray menace, likability and lunacy all at the same time. What's not to like?

Bruce Campbell

The Chin has a self-depreciating sense of humor. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. Plus- he wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers. He may cut you in two with his chainsaw, but he won't kick you out of bed.

Charlie Chaplin

Something about the Little Tramp just makes me want to give him a hug and tell him it'll be alright.

Zachary Levi

Chuck is a bit like me- geeky with a dangerous side.

Adam West

It was a toss-up between West and Shatner but I though Shatner would be too obvious. They have virtually the same acting style which is to say they can't act a lick, but what redeems them is they get that fact and run with it. They're in on the joke.

Clint Eastwood

In real life Clint's not such a great guy just ask Sandra Locke, but The Man With No Name was about as studly as you could get. I'd love to share a poncho with that guy.

Before you came there had been no sacrifices for a year.

A belated Merry Christmas to all.

Personally, I had an absolutely wonderful, stress-free holiday owing in no small part to the fact we were pretty much snowed-in. We had a ball sledding down the driveway, building snow forts and snowmen and having snowball fights.

But my favorite part of the holiday besides living in a Rockwell painting was that my kids, no longer believers in Santa, STILL had to wake me up at 5:00 a.m. on Christmas morning because they were excited. This left us a couple of tortured hours to kill waiting for my mom to arrive so we could open presents.

My oldest suggested we read a Christmas story to pass the time. Does she whip out a copy of something by Seuss or Livingston? Hell no. She pulls out her worn copy of Lovecraft and begins reading "The Festival" aloud.

"It was the Yuletide, that men call Christmas though they know in their hearts it is older than Bethlehem and Babylon, older than Memphis and mankind."

We passed the story around, continuing where the last person had left off but at some point we got a little silly and our attempts at making the story sound ominous devolved into cartoon voices.

You may have travelled the world or sky-dived or bungee-jumped but I'm here to tell you that you really haven't lived until you're heard Mickey Mouse read H.P. Lovecraft on Christmas morning.

I hope that y'all had a holiday like mine where I came out on the other end feeling MORE sane. That sort of thing's a rarity.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Yeah, you know something... Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, with all that snow.

It's a frickin' blizzard here. They closed the office. They NEVER close the office. Here's a shot of the wife's car and the back deck.

I'm getting cabin fever. All play and no work makes Dean Wormer a dull boy.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Oh, some like it hot, but I like it REALLY hot.

There's a lot of stuff I like about the idea of Senator Al Franken but am I a bastard because the thing that's exciting me the most is the prospect of seeing Bill O'Reilly's head explode?

You're going to make a great psychiatrist someday, kid.

If I was somebody that had a violent reaction to the sight of blood then I wouldn't become a butcher. Likewise; if I had a problem with actual practice of medicine I wouldn't become a doctor.

It's not that difficult of a concept. Honestly.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The men from Vulcan treat their women strangely. At least, people say that.

R.I.P. to Star Trek's Majel Barrett-Roddenberry (Nurse Chapel) who died yesterday from Leukemia. She'd had something to do with practically every Star Trek incarnation, including the new movie in which she was to be the voice of the Enterprise's computer.

Trek will never be the same without her.

He's an angry elf.

Ubermilf mentioned she's been a bit overwhelmed lately so in honor of her I'm posting Grandma Barb's Homemade Hot-Buttered Rum Mix recipe. We start making this around mid-November and usually have a batch in our freezer to spread holiday cheer.

Hopefully she can find some time to make up some of this and enjoy it.

Hot Buttered Rum Mix

1 cup or 2 cubes of butter
1/2 to 1 box brown sugar

Cream together

Add: 1/2 pint of French vanilla ice cream and mix. Keep frozen.

Hot Buttered Rum

1 heaping Tablespoon of batter, 1or so ounces of Rum, hot water, stir not shake. Dash of Nutmeg on top if you like.

It's not the lowest calorie concoction around, on the other hand after a couple of these you may find yourself running naked around the neighborhood wearing not but a Santa hat screaming you "Santa's got a candy cane," building snowmen in the neighbor's yards even though it's not snowing only to be brought down by a gaggle of elves that look suspiciously like state troopers and pummeled into unconsciousness. All of that burns a lot of calories.

If you're like me you might just prefer sitting down with a buttered rum and enjoying a David Letterman Top Ten list. In this case here are the top ten Christmas movies playing in Times Square--

10. The Stocking Stuffer
9. Prancer and Dancer Meet Lancer
8. Live on Stage! Bob Cratchitt and Mrs. Cratchitt Doing It!
7. The Night the Grinch Stole a Guy's Wallet on the `D' Train
6. Up Santa's Chimney
5. Miracle on 69th Street
4. Frosty the Butt Man
3. Rotating Pies
2. The Nutcrackers

And the number one Christmas movie playing in Times Square...

1.That Ain't Egg Nog!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

That's it. Out you two pixies go - through the door, or out the window.

QUIZ- Which of these celebrities would you most like to see go away after 2008?

Or maybe his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Mrs. Wormer and I have very strong opinions when it comes to naming babies. The sky's the limit, but we definitely feel that parents have a responsibility not to give children a name that will be a handicap as they go through life. (Actually, our personal bar to naming our kids was "what name would work if they were to become a Supreme Court Justice?" but that's just us.)

That's why I can say without reservation that these parents who named their kid Adolf Hitler can take their whining about the reaction to the name and shove it up their asses. Yes, the name is racist-based, one of their other children's middle name is "Aryan Nation" but naming their kid Hitler is also supremely selfish. As much as parents that we'd like to believe children are an extension of us they're also persons that are going grow up and live their own lives as their own individuals.

Why do anything from the get go to make those lives harder?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

We'll have to outwit the fiend with our superior intelligence.

When I read the comments of the raving wingnut segment of the net about the Obama Blago and birth certificate "scandals," I can't help but think of the wisdom of Jack Handey who in his prescient genius had this to say:

"I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do."

We may think the wingnut right is crazy, but then we have a lot of growing up to do.

But entertain if you will the unlikely idea that the average reader of Michelle Malkin, Matt Drudge, Reason or any other host of conservative blogs IS a few donuts short of a dozen. What does it say that our major news media not only entertain the ideas of these people but spend hours and hours building hypotheticals based upon their ranting under the guise of asking "honest" questions? What does it say about us if we continue to put up with it?

Should the people who dress up like Teddy Roosevelt and spend their days digging the Panama Canal in the basement really be the people setting the agenda of our national discourse?

Call ME crazy but I don't feel that those people who are really one step away from being caught in a butterfly net and stuffed in a rubber room should expect to have their opinions given sober consideration by the rest of us.

Perhaps I'm being too mean. Maybe it's just wrong of me to ascribe insanity to political positions that differ from my own. Personally, I think I'm being generous.

Because if they're not crazy then they're just really, really stupid. If it were up to them I'm sure they'd pick crazy.

If you ask me they already have.

(Bonus Jack Handeyism: "We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.")

Monday, December 15, 2008

I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!

Liberality and Freida each story-virused me last week. Apologies it took so long but here are my contributions.

Here's Liberality's strain which I'm going to end...

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

The man who apparently owned the box glared at me and I moved my feet closer toward my seat and sat up straighter. Outside the wind was blowing hard and I watched out the window as the tree limbs swayed along the street and people clutched their scarves more closely about their heads as they made their way into the wind. We passed a building that had a flag pole and the flag it flew stood straight out and flapped angrily it seemed to me. I bemoaned my fate of having forgotten my hat, gloves and scarf on such a miserable day but I had been running late and had to get to the bus stop if I wanted to get to work on time.

After a few moments of surveying the frigid scene outside my window I returned my attention to my fellow passengers on the bus and noted with some alarm that one woman was so bundled up in her hat, coat, and heavy wool scarf that it was hard to even see her face. Another man sitting next to the gentleman with the cardboard box wore a jumpsuit which I found very peculiar indeed. He was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping. My gaze upon him though brought his eyes open with a snap and he stared straight into my eyes with a most hypnotic gaze. His eyes were a bright light green. I had never seen such beautiful green eyes and could not look away. It reminded me of that famous photo taken of the Afghan girl, the eyes were so striking and fierce even. I tried to look away but it was impossible. (liberality.)

Those eyes! They burrowed into my soul and left it impossible to think, to move!

With every effort I could muster I closed my eyes but I could still see Jumpsuit Man's eyes piercing into my soul like twin lasers. Then I heard the voice.

"Don't be alarmed," said his voice. "I won't hurt you."

Were the words actually spoken? Was I the only one that could hear them? Was this telepathy or my imagination?

"Stand," commanded his voice.

I tried to resist but found myself rising to my feet against my will.

"Now reach into your purse and pull out your wallet."

So he was robbing me? I sighed to myself in relief. Such total command could've been so much worse.

"In your wallet is a playing card," said his voice. "Pull it out and tell me what it is."

Suddenly I was once again in control of my motor functions. In my hand was a playing card. It seemed like every eye in the bus was fixed on me.

"Um, the ace of spades," I said.

Jumpsuit Man took the card from me and held it up for the rest of the passengers on the bus to see. A loud round of applause greeted him.

Fuming, I sat down hard in my chair. I hate it when David Blaine rides mass transit.




Here's the chain Freida's been infected with and my contribution-

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I couldn't believe my eyes. Surrepticiously, I tried to establish, without giving it away, if anyone else had seen what I had. For ten years I had been looking for that box. What looked like an ordinary cardboard box to most contained something most precious. Only by the small golden "P" was I able to identify what I was looking at. (Freida Bee)

How the box got here, or how I happened to be on this bus with it now--these questions were immaterial. I just had to get that box. The bus slowed to a stop, so I steadied myself. Just as I was about to make a grab for the box, however, it moved. Someone else was picking it up to take it away! I had to stop her! (Dguzman)

What? This couldn't be happening--to get this close and watch some quick-footed little dwarf just up and snatch it away from! I got up and just as I did the sweaty hillbilly in front of me stood up and stepped into the aisle. Moving like a bad mime imitating a man in a box he extended his arms and stretched, looking up at the ceiling as he did so. The dwarf with the box--I couldn't be sure if it was a man or a woman, but something about her seemed feminine--slipped out the front door and off the bus. I took a deep breath and slumped back down into my seat. (Bubs)

I sized up the chances of getting bodily fluids on me for a few seconds before I decided to risk it. I needed to get that box back.

"Sir, do you think I could get past you?" I ventured, standing stiffly, hoping to move near the front door to catch a quick exit at the next stop.

"Ah's gettin' off a' tha nex' stop," he said as he wiped his brow and placed his hand squarely on my shoulder.

"Well, fuck," I thought, getting more and more irritated each second his residual touch seemed to burn itself permanently into the fabric of my sweater. "I need to ask the bus driver about the next stop, really quickly. Do you mind?"

I could see he was challenged. His size alone made the bus an unfortunate place for him to endure, but I was concerned I would not be able to catch up with the thief who stole my box this time.

"Ah know these parts real good-like an' kin tells you anythin' you wants ta know."

"Sir, I really just need to be ready to step off the bus as soon as it stops," I said irritatedly now, as the bus jerked to a stop in its typically abrupt manner. I fell forward smack dab into his chest, catching a whiff of a strange smell that simultaneously made me gag and feel groggy only moments before I felt my head spinning as he caught my fall, grinning knowingly. (Freida)

"Axe," he whispered in my ear as I began to pass out. "Always gets the ladies."

I dreamed of a valley filled with dancing penguins. A dwarf with my box slowly pushed his way through the dancing birds. As I tried to follow the penguins slowed my progress with their fancy footwork and proclivity to dip their partners.

As I faded into consciouness I realized I was in small, cheap hotel room. Sitting next to me with my box on his lap was the dwarf from the bus.

He smiled a toothless grin and in a voice that sounded like Gary Busey after he'd just sucked down a balloon full of helium he squeaked "It starts."

Anybody that wants to take that up feel free...

That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly!

Wow. President Bush mentioned me in his press conference just after the shoe incident-

"It's like driving down the street and have people not gesturing with all five fingers. "

One of my proudest moments was having his limo diverted just a few feet from me and giving that ass just gesture he mentions.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas got lost.

Wouldn't it be ironic that as one of Bush's last official acts as President he finally did the right thing for once and acted to bail out automakers?

I won't hold my breath.

But if we had any doubt that Republicans were going to put aside their partisan bullshit for the good of the country after the results of the last election I think the events of this week pretty much dispelled them.

We began the week with Republicans pushing the Clinton rules back into place in the media with the Blagojevich story. Apparently, just as it was in the 90s, innuendo from conservatives once again equals fact. Guilty until proven innocent and all that.

Watch for a strong push from congressional Republicans in the next session to replace Fitzgerald with a special prosecutor willing to dig into more than just this pay to play Illinois stuff. These fuckers play for keeps. Deja vu all over again.

Then we had Republicans take a shit on working Americans as they worked to bust the UAW. The headlines surrounding this are ridiculous. "Senate Bails on Auto Bailout: What Next?" Are you kidding me? How about "Senate Republicans Give American Economy the Andy Dufresne Treatment" as a more accurate headline?

Don't even get me started on this "Corker is a hero" bulshit. He was the Chief Obstructionist. He was an excuse. He was a tool. Nothing more.

Once again I hold out hope that Obama, Reid, Pelosi and the rest of the Democratic leadership will finally come to their senses and realize you cannot deal with these people in good faith. They are going to filibuster, and scream and clench their tiny little fists in faux rage at every step of the process as we try to set to work fixing the messes that they made.

Ignore the petty little fuckers. Utilize legislative solutions that work around them. Put everything, including health-care reform into ominbus budget bills that can't be filibustered. If they intend to filibuster then for God's sakes make them really filibuster.

But let's stop pretending Republican Senators care about this country because they don't. Not in the slightest.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.

Haven't had much time on the intertubes or even to read the news lately. Anything I need to know about?

Monday, December 08, 2008

Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells?"

A moment of yuletide zen from this weekend--

We were toodling around the house, putting up Christmas decorations. We had Christmas music playing in the background and at one point I went into the kitchen to find all three of my kids dancing to Vince Guaraldi like the Peanuts kids.

How can you not dig that?

(For the record: A Charlie Brown Christmas if my favorite Christmas special and I reserve the right to quote it more than once during the next couple of weeks. Phhhhtttt!)

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Change is the essential process of all existence.

I've mentioned many times on this blog that I'm a Trekkie - a fan of the original Star Trek television show. I've loved Trek since I was a kid, but really didn't grow to appreciate it until I got older. At some point I realized that my politics and the liberal, Kennedyesque politics of the show segued.

I've often wondered if that television show, along with my progressive Catholic upbringing, actually shaped the basis of the political beliefs I've taken into adulthood. If not then they at least had some influence.

To me Star Trek doesn't just represent sci-fi action, technobabble and the occasional bad acting. There's an optimism that runs through Trek, at least the Trek inspired directly by Gene Roddenberry if not the later television series(*), that presents us a picture of the future in which the superficial is immaterial.

I've been thinking about this as the reverberations of Proposition 8 continue to move through our political landscape. One doesn't need to believe that man will be able to dematerialize one place and appear somewhere else or fly through space in giant ships named after famous nautical vessels to believe that progress is inevitable. The future will be better for all of us regardless of race, religious belief, gender, sexual orientation or whatever else separates us.

Just to highlight my point I'd like to share a few quotes highlighting the "vision" of Star Trek. Here's an old interview with Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry given shortly before he died--

"As you know, one of the joys of Star Trek, for me, has been the variety of our fans. When I go to conventions and I see people of all sizes and shapes and abilities, and when I see people with nerve disorders that can’t really sit properly and so on, I still know what’s in their mind. They are saying, “In a better world, I can do anything. I’ll be there in a better world. In a better world, they will not laugh at me or look down their nose at me.”

I used to speak at colleges a lot because it was what kept me alive and paid the mortgage in the days when Star Trek was considered a gigantic failure. I have met some of these people. I remember one night someone called me over and said, “Can you possibly talk to this man?” And here was a fellow with some kind of nerve disorder who had an electronic box, he couldn’t speak, and by hitting the box, he could make halfway intelligible sounds. He could only make grunting-like noises. And finally I began to understand what he was saying and he was asking me why I did a certain thing in a certain show, and why I had invented somebody who had something of his disorder. I said to him, “Someday when we become wise, we won’t look at those things. We will look at communication and knowledge, etc.” And I saw his hand rise up with great determination and he said loudly and clearly, “Yes!!” Those are the high moments in my life."

Here's a bit of a speech Gene's son Rod Roddenberry gave this week--

“The idea of tolerance of something I’ve heard about for a long time,” Roddenberry said. “I’ve always had a problem with that word.

“Star Trek was so far beyond tolerance. I feel like I’m talking to the choir. It goes to acceptance. Enjoying the fact that there are different ideas.

“The different ideas that we all have are what makes life interesting. ...Don’t be afraid of different beliefs. Go up to that person and have an intelligent conversation with them. That’s how we’ll evolve into the Star Trek future.”

Finally here's bit of wonderful speech actor Wil Wheaton gave a couple of years ago as Gene Roddenberry was inducted into the Science Fiction Hall of Fame in Seattle--

"Like all great science fiction, it held up a mirror and showed us our failings and triumphs – not by beating us over the head with a message, but by making that message easy enough to discover for those who cared to see it. Star Trek dared to do this during an incredibly turbulent time, when it was risky to even acknowledge that the mirror existed, much less hold it up on network television.

It has been more than forty years since Kirk and Spock first boldly went where no man has gone before, and twenty years since Picard and some kid boldly went where no one has gone before.

Today, many of us still dream of living in the Utopian world Gene envisioned, where we play in holodecks, beam ourselves to work, and embrace the crazy notion that race, gender, religion, and sexual orientation are differences to be celebrated and learned from, not feared and destroyed."

Roddenberry wasn't blind. He knew the world was an ugly place. In the interview linked above he was asked if he had any heroes. Here's part of his response--

But I have less of that collection of heroes than an overwhelming affection for humanity. I think the human race is just a fascinating creature. I think we are so wonderful they should build statues to us. (Laughter) The things we are able to do are just marvelous. I know that humans, even today, capture and torture people and commit war and all of that. But that’s because they are still children and children are violent. But I refuse to think any other way about the human race but that they are beautiful children. They will, in the end, persevere.

Isn't that a wonderful way to think of humanity?

(* including some of the movies. Some of my friends are worried about the new film because of the young actors, JJ Abrams, etc. Is long as it has Roddenberry's sense of optimism I'm in.)

We're not goofing off. We're creating musical fusion.

So much right about this video but the cameo by one famous actor as Jesus and the Doogie Howser bit had me. I give you "Prop 8 - The Musical."

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The embed doesn't seem to be working here from home. Here's a direct link to the video at Funny or Die. If it's not working from my work PC I'll change up this post to reflect.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I'll be your huckleberry.

Randal a étiqueté moi mais je ne peux pas parler français.

Thank goodness there's a Babel Fish translator.

1. Five names you go by: Dad, Lurch, Johnny Apache (My stripper name from college), Vernon (Wormer) and Sergio Marinara.
2. Three things you are wearing right now: A smile (gag), mesh underwear (I rarely wear underwear but when I do it's usually of the mesh variety) and a cheap tie.
3. Two things you want very badly at the moment: Go home and get some more sleep and Bo Derek.
4. Three people who will probably fill this out: Our gorilla overlord, our blogger chaplin and our comic book expert.
5. Two things you did last night: Drove my oldest daughter to firefighter school and made delicious club sandwiches for the family.
6. Two things you ate today: One piece of dry wheat toast and another piece of dry wheat toast.
7. Two people you last talked to on the phone: Mrs. Wormer who heard there was an accident on the freeway involving a fistfight and was worried it was me and one of my staff who just called in sick after being on vacation for the last two weeks. One more pay raise and I'm switching to the Republican party.
8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow: Look for a new employee and get in a fistfight with somebody on the way to work.
9. Two longest car rides: When I was 12 and my parents decided to drive to Disneyland from Portland. They kept stopping to look at redwood trees and stuff. The other was Thanksgiving when we drove to visit my Mother in Law. Dead man walking.
10. Two of your favorite beverages: French roast coffee, homemade blackberry wine, scotch, blended margarita, coke, banana milkshakes... I can't limit it to just two.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Well, I'm certainly proud of you... you blockheads!

Sigh. Back to the real world. It's a wacky place.


Sarah Palin proves to be that rash that no cream can cure as she campaigned for Saxby Chambliss in the Senate runoff in Georgia.

"We are rebuilding our party. . . . And it's starting right here in Georgia by sending Saxby back to work in the United States Senate," she said.

Put aside for a moment the fact that Palin is more interested in rebuilding her own image by jumping on the Chambliss sure thing, which she will no doubt claim credit for despite all evidence to the contrary.

To the extent Chambliss' re-election will say anything about the mood of the country towards the Republican brand it would simply be Americans sending the message that when the bus carrying the Republican party runs through the guardrail on the bridge and plunges hundreds of feet to a fiery explosion that voters hope the passengers have mercifully passed out before the bus smashes into the ground, rather than screaming in terror as doom rushes towards them.


It's nice that the media is focusing on pardons. Unfortunately, it's a pardon from 8 years ago.

WASHINGTON — In the much praised career of Eric H. Holder Jr., President-elect Barack Obama’s choice to be attorney general, there is one notable blemish: Mr. Holder’s complicated role in the 2001 pardon of Marc Rich, a billionaire financier who had fled the country rather than face federal tax evasion charges.

Rich's pardon was political cronyism at it's worse, but it paled by comparison to the pardons issued by the first President Bush of "true patriot" Casper Weinberger, Elliot Abrams and the rest of the Iran-Contra traitors. There are pardon's looming over war crimes from the current President Bush that will make tax evasion look like penny ante stuff. No doubt the media will cover those just as intensely.


Jeb Bush's idea that the GOP form a is obviously self-serving. I'm certain Bush would want to be the shadow president of this shadow government.

"In Washington we need to show humility and be the loyal opposition. I actually think we need to organize ourselves in the form of a shadow government and make it based on policy and not on partisanship," he said. "People are sick and tired of the partisanship, just for partisan sake, but they aren't sick and tired of a loftier debate about policy."

Policy instead of partisanship? That doesn't describe the Republican party we've grown to love. They have no policy and they represent no ideas. The only reason they exist is partisanship.

Besides that point we've seen how the GOP governs. Their method of governance has left the economy in shambles and millions of people dead. The adults are about to take over again to try and fix the giant hash they've made of things. A Republican shadow government would have the same feeling as when they're actually in charge; the Lost Boys playing at being grown-ups.

Actually, as long as they don't have any actual power this might be a good idea. They can do less damage that way.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Oh, that's a wonderful place to start! Once you meet someone, you never really forget them.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving besides the fact we spent it with my Mother In Law.

The real fun was Saturday when we had don snabulus, Ladybug, Overdroid, Swinebread and Swinebreadina and Swinebread Jr. out to Faber University for a second Thanksgiving. Swinebread Jr. is just about the happiest baby I think I've ever ever met. This leads to all sorts of embarrassing mugging by the adults trying to get him to laugh some more.

Overdroid ran a round of old school Call of Cthulhu which was pretty fun. It's odd getting old enough to have our kids play with us. We stopped the Deep Ones from destroying Los Angeles with a tidal wave. Not that it would've been much of a loss to the world had we failed...

Besides getting our geek on we also spent a lot of time checking the score of the civil war as my Ducks destroyed the cocky OSU Beavers. Even though the Ducks have been spotty this year I had a feeling it would go this way despite home field advantage for the Beavers. This was the biggest game of the year for the Quack Attack and the Beavers would have a tough time not looking past their in state rivals.

Overdroid's girlfriend wisely decided that playing role playing games might not be the best use of her time while she was visiting so she headed downtown to the Portland Art Museum. Even though we're no Seattle, we have a pretty nice art museum which left her impressed.

Lest I forget: happy birthday to #1Animefan who turned 14 yesterday. You're my little sunshine, hon. Here's a Hayao Miyasaki video for you--

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual.

My brother and his dancer girlfriend (not that kind of dancer - get your mind out of the gutter) are in town so I'm going to check out until next week for a few days of homemade wine and tryptophan-fueled debauchery.

Here are just a couple of things I'm thankful for--

  • The great community of bloggers including Randal, Ubermilf, Fran, Zaius, don, ladybug, Hypatia, Swinebread, Liberality, Jess, Lockwood, Enigma, Arkonbey, Comicsalltooreal, BAC, Pilar, Monkey Von, Thoughtcriminal, Pissed off Patricia, mwb and all the rest of the authors of blogs I love to read on a daily basis even if I don't get to write something in the comments section to let you know I stopped by. Thanks you guys for the stimulating my brain and making me spit out coffee on more than one occasion.

  • Tempura. Especially when it wraps itself around prawns before taking a high dive into a vat of boiling oil. Thank you Tempura, you are delicious.

  • My very patient, very cool wife who not only puts up with my geek crap but doesn't say anything when I geek-ify the kids. Thanks hon.

  • My kids. You've given me exponentially more laughs than tears. To be honest I didn't think that would be the case before you were born. Thanks. I love you guys.

  • For adventurers of the past and future. Not just the guys that crawled into a four-foot cabin to be rocketed to the moon, but the smaller adventurers as well. The people that said to themselves "that looks interesting. Why don't I dry it out and smoke it" or "yes, that fungus grows on the floor of forest but perhaps with a little garlic and butter it would be good eats." Thanks for taking chances guys.

  • John Williams and Ennio Morricone who have scored some of my favorite flicks. Thanks for being geniuses.

Finally, I would like to thank George W. Bush. Without his breathtaking incompetence, dimwitted sensibility and complete inability to to apply rational thought it might not have been possible for the United States to take a giant step forward and show the world the REAL principles that define this great nation. Thanks George.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I think we're getting into a weird area here.

Okay, so I'm catching up on posts at BAC's place and she had this fun post linking to this blog Genderanalyzer so I think to myself "why not give it a shot?" The results-

"We have strong indicators that is written by a woman (100%.)"

That's it. No ambiguity. No 50% woman, 50% man. The analyzer ran through my two years of postings and determined that I was unequivocally and without the slightest shadow of a doubt a member of the fairer sex.

BAC points out that the Jesus General flipped out over scoring only 72% on the manly scale. What am I supposed to think of my own score with that in mind?

In the first place I'm PLENTY macho. I watch football. I scratch myself and embarrass my wife in general. I rarely play with puppies unless they're really, really cute and I can't bring myself to sit through any film with the words "ya ya," "sisterhood" or "pants" in the title.

Then there's the silhouette they chose for me--

Doesn't exactly scream "man of action" now does it?

This is a more appropriate silhouette for me--

That's exactly how I look. Exactly. (Only take the muscles in the arms and legs and move them towards the middle.)

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a screening of "Twilight" to get to. That Robert Pattinson is dreamy, don't you think? Harumph!

You sent us to camp. They made us sing.

Randal may not like this news but the singular tunes of Barry Manilow are actually being used as punishment for young noise violators.

Some may call being locked in a room for an hour listening to "Mandy" a sort of torture, but I'd call it simply "heaven."

(Although the Geneva Convention may apply if this occurs within the continental United States.)

Monday, November 24, 2008

I wouldn't do that. It's Thanksgiving.

If a piano plays in the forrest and there's nobody around to hear it does it make a sound?

Mystery piano, abandoned deep in the woods, baffles Cape Cod police

HARWICH, Mass. - Harwich police have a musical mystery on their hands: Who left a piano in the middle of the woods? And why?

The Baldwin piano discovered in the Bells Neck woods appears to be in perfect working condition and had a matching bench as if it had recently been played.

My theory: Lucy finally had it with Schroeder ignoring her romantic overtures and offed the poor boy.

Friday, November 21, 2008

What's your name kid?

The man below used to be pretty familiar to fans of wrestling. Here he is at a recent movie premiere. Any guesses on who he is?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It shakes me! It quakes me! It makes me feel goose-pimply all over!

One of the things I like about antique stores is that they sometimes have piles of old Life magazines. I love to pour through the articles and ads but have really always been impressed with the pictures. So you can imagine how excited I was to find out Life had reached a deal with Google to post all their pictures on line. You can search through them here.

Some of the ones I'm partial to so far...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Last night was last night, and it's all there was, and it's all there is. There isn't going to be anything more between us.

Life is pretty good (though busy.) There are only three things making me bang my head on my desk today: politics, religion and sports. Other than those small things I haven't a care in the world.

With regards to politics the Lieberman vote yesterday by Senate Democrats has me seeing red. There are tons of theories as to the thinking of Reid and company to why they let Lieberman keep his chair. Many are willing to write it off simply to Senate collegiality. Others point to Ted Stevens' loss and the growing probability of hitting the magic 60 senators number (although the idea that Lieberman, not to mention Blue Dog Democratic senators, will vote the right way when is counts is beyond absurd.)

Personally, I subscribe to Jane Hamsher's opinion that the Democratic Senate just gave the base of the party the middle finger. Putting the base in our place after we all worked so tirelessly and donated so much to seeing Democrats increase numbers in the Senate and House and win the White House was the entire point of the Lieberman exercise. We can't let the moonbat rabble thing we're beholding to them or anything. They're sending us the message to not expect ANYTHING out of them even with Obama in the White House.

Yeah, well fuck you too Senator Reid.

While I'm on the subject of messages; many Catholic bishops are sending their flock the same message in light of the election results. 54% of Catholic voters went for Obama and these bishops are not happy.

Chicago Cardinal Francis George, president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, is preparing a statement during the bishops' fall meeting that will press Obama on abortion.

The bishops suggested that the final document include the message that "aggressively pro-abortion policies" would be viewed "as an attack on the church."

Between the direct involvement of the church of LDS in the passage of Proposition 8 in California and the growing direct involvement of big churches in endorsing similar measures and candidates around the country I'm starting to feel a little victimized here myself.

We subsidize these churches through their tax-exempt status. I don't have a problem with that and consider it wholly constitutional. But when churches are engaging in the types of political advocacy we've seen lately, they're crossing a church-state line. Essentially they're taking my money and using it for something that, as in the case of Proposition 8, I violently disagree with.

Church leaders- take your tax-exempt status and shove it up your ass.

College football sent president-elect Obama and fans of the sport a message yesterday when the BCS signed a deal to move the broadcast of the bowl games from Fox to ESPN for the years 2011-2014. Besides the fact that this is a giant rasberry aimed at fans who don't subscribe to cable the real news here is this effectively locks in the stupid BCS system until that contract expires six years from now.

The end of the ESPN deal coincides with the date — 2014 — through which the B.C.S. commissioners have agreed to keep their current championship system in place. The commissioners met last April and considered a playoff proposal by Mike Slive, the commissioner of the Southeastern Conference, but voted against it and put off considering any changes until the end of the next television deal.

I can't think of any other sport where fans consistently root for the thing to go FUBAR so we can get rid of it as they do in college football with the BCS.

Dear BCS- message recieved. Now kiss my ass.

I think that's enough outrage for today.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Now, no prejudice intended, but I always check with the Bible on these here things.

Business owners who were supporters of Proposition 8 in California are whining that their support of the measure has led to a boycott.

"I'm frustrated by what's going on," said Dave Leatherby, owner of the Leatherby Family Creamery in Sacramento, commenting on the protests and court battles.

"Let's move on. I always told my children that once a rule was made, you have to abide by it. I think it should be the same in this circumstance."

Leatherby and his family donated about $20,000 for the passage of Proposition 8. A devout Catholic and father of 10, Leatherby supported the measure for religious reasons. He said his business has been targeted by bloggers as a result, and that he is particularly confused because his business has participated in the annual gay pride Rainbow Festival.

The fact that Dave's confused should go without comment. Dave apparently believes that gay people should be proud of who they are, while believing at the same time that they shouldn't enjoy the same rights as other American citizens. Your hypocrisy, Dave. It's showing.

(Must be nice to have 20k to donate to a political campaign. Add this to the whining and the world's smallest violin just got a little smaller.)

"Protesting is a time-honored American tradition," said Ned Dolejsi, executive director of the California Catholic Conference. Catholic leaders were active in the Yes on 8 campaign. "But it's unfortunate when it steps over into religious bigotry or harassment."

How dare you show prejudice against our bigotry!

Some Proposition 8 supporters say a minority of protesters have gone too far by targeting individuals. Opponents of the measure have called for a boycott of the California Musical Theatre after revelations that artistic director Scott Eckern, a Mormon, donated $1,000 to the Yes on 8 Campaign. Members of his church played a significant role in the campaign.

Artistic director for California Musical Theatre? Scott's lucky he is isn't dragged out of his office, thrown into the stocks and pelted with CDs of "Cats."

"It's disheartening that he is being singled out," said Lisa West, spokeswoman for the church in the Sacramento area. "We had hoped there would be more tolerance for different viewpoints."

See, it's just a matter of different points of view. Just because Lisa thinks that gay people are inhuman sinners going against God's will who will certainly be condemned to an eternity in hell screaming in agony and demons rend the boiling flesh from their bodies doesn't mean she isn't willing to sit down for coffee with them and hear what they have to say.

Although supporters of gay marriage believe the courts will come through for them and ultimately overturn this initiative on equal protection grounds, the supporters of Proposition 8 still seem defiant.

For now, Leatherby said, Proposition 8 should stand. "If they want to win me over," he said, "that's not how to do it."

Because appealling to your sense of humanity and Christian goodwill has gone so far up to this point, jerk. It's not our problem that you're a homophobic bigot. Deal.

Keith says it better than me:

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm gone, man. Solid gone.

This may be a morbid post but what the hell. I've been working on a list of songs that I'd like played at my funeral. I'm still young and (hopefully) that day is far, far away but I think it's a good idea to do something like that while one is young and lucid. Or as lucid as I can get.

At one point this list grew to over a hundred songs. Unless the funeral turns out to be an all day affair that's obviously way too many tunes. I think 20 is a nice number. That's roughly an hour of music.

One way of thinking that really helped narrow it down was to pull out songs that I had on the list because I simply liked and keep the songs that more told a story about me. In that sense the songs run from my childhood until now. This is sort of the soundtrack of my life.

I would love to see you guys take a stab at your own soundtrack. Let me know if you do.

1) "The Bear Necessities," Phil Harris - The earliest song I remember loving. I had a toy record player and this on a 45 and I would play this, sing along and dance around my room for hours. My parents must of loved that.

2) "I Don't Want To Be The Lone Ranger", unknown - I have no idea where we got this song but my mom dressed my brother and me up like the Lone Ranger and Tonto and we lip-synced this tune for a talent show.

3) "Star Wars," John Williams - My folks rented a van and took me and my friends to wait an hour and a half in line to see the first Star Wars movie. From the moment this theme started and the title march scrolled it was an out-of-body experience that led to a lifetime love of film.

4) "Star Trek," Alexander Courage - I would watch reruns of this show when I got home from school. It burned into my psyche.

5) "Every Little Thing She Do Is Magic," The Police - In my grade school class everybody had a favorite band. Mine was The Police. I liked the reggae/ punk fusion and Sting's raspy voice.

6) "Great Balls of Fire," Jerry Lee Lewis - I started to appreciate that there was cool older music. This song stuck out because I remember loving to sing the part that goes "kiss me baby, Mmmmmmm, feels good."

7) "The Last Time," The Rolling Stones - So many great Stones tunes but this older one is one of my favorites.

8) "Goonies R' Good Enough," Cindy Lauper - I'm not going to apologize for this song. This movie has a soft spot in my heart then and now.

9) "Raider's March," John Williams - Friends dragged me to see this film. It looked way to commercial for me. I wound up loving it.

10) "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me," Culture Club - I don't even like this song but when I hear it I have flashbacks to making out with some pretty girl in my old VW Rabbit.

11) "El Shaddai," Amy Grant - Laugh if you want but for a time I had serious intentions of being a priest. I think being in love with Amy Grant might have had something to do with it. Teenagers aren't known for their clarity of thought.

12) "Pachabel's Canon," Pachabel - If there's a more perfect piece of music I haven't heard it.

13) "We Got The Beat," Go Gos - Loved the Go Gos and loved dancing to the Go Gos.

14) "Mighty Oregon," unknown - University of Oregon was probably the best time of my life.

15) "Otis Redding Live At Montrey Pops Festival," Otis Redding - Technically more than one song so sue me. I vividly remember listening to this in a college dorm room the first time I smoked a blunt.

16) "No Woman, No Cry," Bob Marley - The first time I heard this song I took it to mean if you don't have a woman in your life you won't be shedding any tears. Only later did I realize he was trying to comfort his wife in the song. I like my interpretation better.

17) "Groovy Kind Of Love," Phil Collins - Our song so shut up. :-)

18) "La Valse D'Amelie," Yann Tiersen - This movie is too wonderful to describe. You either live your life alone or you share your life with others.

19) "Mosh," Eminem - I really thought we the kids would save us from Bush in 2004. They did. Just a couple of years later is all.

20) "Everlong," Foo Fighters - The acoustic version of this song gets to what it means to love someone. "Breathe out, so I can breathe you in. Hold you in."

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Many wars and feuds did Conan fight. Honor and fear were heaped upon his name and, in time, he became a king by his own hand.

The very cool West Coast Walker was kind enough to tag me with the Superior Scribbler Award.. It means a lot coming from Matt because between you, me and the wall, I harbor no doubt he's quite a bit smarter than me. But let's keep that on the QT.

Superior Scribbler Rules and Responsibilities:*The Rules: Every Superior Scribbler will name 5 other Super Scribblers.If you are named you must link to the author & the name of the blog that gave you the award. Then you must display the adorable award and link to THIS POST, which explains the award. The same post also allows you to add your link. Then they will have a record of all the people who are Super Scribblers!

My Nominees:

Pissed Off Patricia who hasn't seemed so pissed off lately but actually happy and hopeful. Maybe she should change her name to "Joyful Patricia."

Ubermilf who with great consistency makes me laugh with her unique take on the crazy world of parenting, being a milf and shirtless ranting.

Swinebread who doesn't blog as much as he used to because of the whole having a newborn at home thing but still provides my regular fix of comic book news.

Lockwood who has a wonderful dry sense of humor that I assume comes from the fact he resides in the rainiest state in the union.

Enigma who live-blogs all the important political events. An achievement dwarfed by the fact that she seems to be sober when doing so.