Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze.

From the "Crazy Lady with Too Much Time on Her Hands" file:

KNIGHTSVILLE, Ind. (WTHI) - Months ago, Rachel Jones was shocked to discover her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light.

Imagine her surprise when a game for her 8-year-old daughter's Nintendo DS had the same message.

Rachel said she bought the Nintendo game, Baby Pals, as a gift for her 8-year-old daughter after a good report card.

She had no idea the game also contained the hidden message "Islam is the light."

"We were sitting in the kitchen, and she was playing it," said Jones. "All of a sudden she looked at me, and I looked at her and she said, 'Mom, I think my baby said something.' And so I played it back, and it says 'Islam is the light.'"

The hard-hitting journalist who wrote this piece actually contacted the game's manufacturer for comment rather than gently suggesting to Mrs. Jones that she walk, not run, to the nearest state certified mental health professional.

I think I identified the problem:

The Nintendo game has an "E" rating, which means it's suitable for any age.

The toy/ gaming industry should immediately institute a "L" rating so that loonies can avoid paying for something they might misunderstand.

I'll just take my ego for a walk.

Things that make you spit milk out of your nose when read them.

Dan Gerstein, an architect of Lieberman's re-election campaign two years ago, said McCain and Lieberman share a bond as independent-minded "statesmen" who put their country's interests ahead of their party.

(Weird thing is I wasn't even drinking milk at the time.)

Everybody out of here, everybody out! The Air Force will take care of these babies now.

Rudy Giuliani; crazy neocon whack-job or simply crazy whack-job? That seems to be the only real question.

"Suppose Hillary Clinton and John Edwards' new position was their position back then, that it was a mistake to take him out," Giuliani said, referring to former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. "Wouldn't we be dealing with Saddam Hussein becoming nuclear right now?

Saddam would become nuclear? He's been watching too much "Heroes." Apparently crazy Rudy thinks Saddam would start glowing and then BOOM, he would turn into a giant thermonuclear explosion.

On Iran, Giuliani criticized Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., also a candidate for president, for saying they would engage in diplomatic relations with Iran.

Obama or Clinton would actually negotiate instead of just blowing stuff up? Clearly they are insane and must be stopped.

"This is the world we live in. It's not this happy, romantic-like world where we'll negotiate with this one, or we'll negotiate with that one and there will be no preconditions, and we'll invite (Iranian President Mahmoud) Ahmadinejad to the White House, we'll invite Osama (bin Laden) to the White House," Giuliani said.

No, it's the world YOU live in. It's a world where the President can sprinkle magic pixie dust on the economy and it can fly. It's a world where John Rambo could actually go back and win the Vietnam war. It's a world where bunnies talk, all food tastes like ice cream and a flat-out certifiable nut-job like Rudy Giuliani could actually be elected President of the United States.

(I was working my way up through the decades on horror flicks but had to jump back to War of the Worlds since today is the anniversary of Orson Welles supreme punking of the U.S.)