Friday, February 08, 2008

I just met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything.

A few weeks back Swinebread posted a list of possible blockbusters in 2008. Some of the flicks he listed I'm greatly interested in seeing but there also a few that didn't make the blockbuster cut that I'm still pretty excited about as a movie fan. Here's Dean's personal blockbuster list...


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - There's a lot of trepidation about George Lucas rubbing his stank all over this flick and I still think the Frank Darabont script mess is ridiculous BUT I'm going to trust that Spielberg will keep the ship afloat. Plus the stuff that's leaked out sounds fun. Trailer on Valentine's Day so woohoo!

Hellboy 2 - The first one was a pretty damn good time, Ron Perlman is cool. Del Toro is a great director and my boy loves this character so there you are.

CJ7 - If you don't know who Stephen Chow is then you can't seriously call yourself a movie buff. Chow's signature mix of kung-fu, special effects, musicals and cartoons make his films one of the best times to be had at the cinema. Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle are must sees.

CJ7 is basically a riff off of E.T. with all of the elements I mentioned above thrown in.

Son of Rambow - The darling of Sundance. Movies about the love of movies (Cinema Paradisio anyone?) usually find a soft spot with me. Throw in some British kids, a dysfunctional religious family and we have a winner.

Iron Man - Trailer looks good. Robert Downey Jr. usually isn't in boring films. Geeks are pretty jazzed. All signs point to "yes"

Star Trek - I could write a lot about this but let me just say that I absolutely adore the original series and am keeping my fingers cautiously crossed for this one. The most important thing that'll be the bottom line sink-or-swim is whether J.J. Abrams successfully captures the Kirk/ Spock/ McCoy relationship. In my book the "more retro the better" is the second most important thing. This film could move down my list.


Wall-E - Pixar. 'Nuff said.

Adventureland - Greg Mottola who directed Superbad gives us a movie where a college grad gets a job at an amusement park and finds out it better prepares him for the real world.

The Incredible Hulk - Ang Lee's Hulk still leaves a bad taste in my mouth but the film has the advatage of Edward Norton being a huge fan of the comics and having a ton of creative control. You know what other actor was a huge fan of the comic he made into a movie? Nicolas Cage and Ghost Rider.

Be Kind Rewind - I like Jack Black and Mos Def and, from what I've read, this movie is getting good advance buzz.

City of Ember - Something to do with a city in the future losing it's lights but it has Bill Murray and Martin Landau so whatever the heck it's about I'm in.

The Dark Knight - The "Crow" factor of Heath Ledger may cause me to hesititate but the first Batman film was pretty damn entertaining.

The Forbidden Kingdom - Jet Li in an epic Kung Fu movie with magical elements.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - I enjoy these movies and this features a whole new mummy. Don't tell anyone but I'm a closet Brandon Frasier fan.

Valkyrie - Yes it has Tom Cruise but a movie about the true plot to assasinate Hitler has all sorts of win.


The Day the Earth Stood Still - Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly. I won't promise HER involvement in the picture won't get me to the cinema anyway. Do NOT remake classics.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - I'm a fan of the books and enjoy the movies but I can wait for video to see these.

Jumper - Good: Samuel L. Jackson, teleportation. Bad: it stars Anakin Skywalker.

Pineapple Express - Stoner comedy.

Semi-Pro - Will Ferrell plays basketball. It looks like he's playing the same character he always plays but that's probably enough.

X-Files 2 - I wasn't interested until I found out they're moving away from the mythology for this film. In my mind the best episodes of Chris Carter's show were the ones that had nothing to do with aliens.


The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The first film was okay but the death grasp the fundie set has put on these films is pretty off-putting. That might be a dumb reason to avoid a movie but it's MY reason.

Speed Racer - Loved the cartoon but the trailer creeps me out.


Fanboys - friends travel to Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of The Phantom Menace for a dying friend. No doubt the friend keels over when he actually watches that crappy film. He gets Jarjar-ed to death if you will.

Get Smart - Loved the show and fondly remember that my dad was a fan of Maxwell smart but this movie just has stinker written all over it.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

So I'll just drill into a healthy tooth until I reach the pulp. That is unless, of course, you can tell me that it's safe.

I won't be around much today. I suddenly have to get to the dentist.

In the meantime try not to throw your back out dancing the batusi and don't accept orange juice from strange women.

I don't believe in magic, a lot of superstitious hocus pocus.

Scenes you'd forgotten (or wish you had) Part 5: Indiana Cousteau - Namor's Illigitimate Son.

In Spielberg's classic film "Raiders of the Lost Ark" there remains one scene universally considered by fans of the film to be the Crazy Uncle in the Attic. It's the scene in movie filled with unbelievable stunts and dark magic that unfortunately pushes the button of unbelievability a little too hard.

Indy and Marian escape on a freighter with the Ark but are intercepted at sea by one of Hitler's U-boats. Indy hides on the ship but the Germans capture Marian and the Ark. As the U-boat is just about to leave the freighter's crew spot Indy swimming towards the submarine. Indy climbs abord the sub, scampers up to the control tower and looks around obviously as confused as the audience as to what the hell he's going to do next.

Will he tear open one of the hatches, incapacitate a crewman and hide on the sub until it's destination? Or will he cling to the side of the sub and hope that it doesn't submerge until it reaches it's destination? How will Indy beat the odds this time?

We don't really know because the next few shots are of the Captain of the U-boat ordering his crew to submerge, a map overlay of the U-boat travelling hundreds of miles while the crew go about their work, and the eventual arrival at a secret island U-boat base seen through the periscope (usually used while the sub is underwater if I'm not mistaken.)

Then we see Indy already in the base, dripping and catching his breath as he watches the same U-boat he caught a ride on pull into the cave.

Apparently Indiana Jones can...

A) Hold his breath for a hell of a long time or

B) Telepathically command his fish minions to carry him alongside submarines or

C) Teleport.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

As my old pappy used to say, work is fine for killin' time, but it's a shaky way to make a living.

Congratulations to McCain on his big win yesterday! He has a 50% of inheriting the mess he and Bush made. Must feel great.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give 'em what they want!

A little game on this election day. All of the answers to the items below are politically themed. Post your guesses in the comments.

(UPDATE: After reading Zaius' comments I guees I made it too hard or they were a little too far out of left field. The answers to these are all political/ government related.)
As an example:
Would be "Veto."

Han, mah bukee, keel-ee caleya ku kah.

I'm just posting this headline from the Washington Post because it makes me chuckle: Limbaugh Weighs In.

No doubt the byline goes to Al Franken.

As for the substance of the article I'd just point out that the Limbaughs and Coulters of the world think they're too clever by half with this stuff. Whether they're trying to pull a reverse head-fake or just stir up their audience it's not effective because they JUST AREN'T RELEVANT.

People have to care what you say before you can actuallyget a rise out of them.

Can you imagine anything so ridiculous as majority rule?

Happy Super Tuesday! I trust this holiday finds you and yours well. Are you burning the traditional Hanging Chad Log? Will you be singing election carols? It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

It seems there's a real possibility that this thing will go down to the wire and there might even be a brokered convention. The conventional wisdom is that this is a bad thing for the two Democratic candidates. It always is.

Apparently the fact that the Republicans will have chosen their candidate today and the Democrats will be forced to continue campaigning is a bad thing. The Republican candidate will get to rest and begin fundraising and will have all sorts of advantages. Whatever.

Do we really think that after eight years of Bush the eventual Democratic candidate is going to be hurting for money? Donors big and small are going to be climbing all over each other to throw money and Obama or Clinton once they've received the nomination. For many of us this is going to be like paying to clear the Bush stink from our country. Money is no object.

A delayed determination of our nominee will force the inevitable Republican swift-boat-make-up-shit campaign to split resources in their search to find slimeballs willing to say anything about Clinton or Obama. Conservatives have been whistling pass the graveyard at the possibility of a Clinton nomination for partly this reason - they think the smear homework is already done on Clinton. I think they're seriously underestimating the desires of their mouth-breathing base for new material.

As for myself my state doesn't vote today but might actually play a factor for the first time in my life in the determination of the party candidate. I've been really crititical of both candidates and do absolutely believe that they are not the best the party has to offer when it comes to leadership but a couple of things really force the issue for me if I have to choose.

The first is Clinton's vote on the 2002 Iraq AUMF. I like Hillary Clinton and fiercly defended her and her husband from all the ridiculous crap thrown her way in the 90s. Today to listen to Republicans talk about her just raises my hackles. What a bunch of childish little boys scared of anyone that doesn't pee standing up they are. That said - I cannot forgive her vote on the AUMF. It was a stupid vote and a horrible indication of her judgement. There is simply no excuse for that vote.

So I've been leaning towards Obama. I continue to believe his message of bipartisanship plays to the bullshit frame that "partisanship" is what's causing all the problems in the country. Only one political party has acted in a purely partisan manner for the last 30 years and it hasn't been the Democrats. We don't need to reach across the aisle for anything other than to pimp-slap the other side.

But then I saw this video and I have to say it's pretty moving. Hope ain't policy. Hope won't feed a single American or provide healthcare or stop the stupid war in Iraq. But maybe, just maybe, hope might get us to a place where we can at least start to work on fixing those things.

Most importantly there's one thing about hope that can't be denied. It's a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Fickle Finger of Fate!

President Cuckoo Bananas proposes 3.1 trillion dollar budget.

In his honor I dedicate this song...

(The WTF quotient is high with this song. Dame Edna singing "Hey, Big Spender" to the Dr. Who Daleks.)

You take your football down here real serious, don't you?

Thoughts on the Superbowl-

  • The old cliche that "defense wins football games" was certainly true yesterday.

  • Along those lines I realize it's pretty much a given that the quarterback of the winning team in the Superbowl will be named MVP and Eli Manning certainly played great but, for my money, that recognition should've probably gone to Giants DE Justin Tuck who had 2 sacks and 6 tackles or DE Michael Strahan who had 1 sack and 3 tackles. These guys seemed to be everywhere.

  • That fourth quarter reception by Plaxico Burress and Manning's scramble away from the certain sack that preceded it was one for the ages.

  • The game was fun and the commercials were blah. Who would've thunk it?

  • I DID enjoy the Bridgestone commercials featuring the screaming squirrel and the screaming Richard Simmons. The Coke commercial featuring duelling balloons was also cute.

  • A great game like that was fun to watch. What made it even better was watching it with family and friends that I love. :)