Friday, February 29, 2008

He's a dreadful magician.

I'll be out of the pocket this weekend (dontcha just love business speak?) and at the coast enjoying crab, the fresh air off the Pacific ocean, the company of my t.v. killin' missus and an enormous storm that just seems to have swept through the state. 50 foot surfing waves.

Yee haw!

In the meantime - could someone explain to me why magician David Blaine is such a jerk?

If you have a milkshake and I have a milkshake and I have a straw and my straw reaches across the room and starts to drink your milkshake.

Does anyone else find in ironic that the go to tactic that Republicans always seem to roll out in a political fight is to emulate the terrorists they claim to hold in such disdain by taking hostages? Every debate on Iraq funding, for example, is met by the President pushing the troops between himself and the Democrats pushing for withdrawal and threatening their safety should the Democrats do anything he doesn't like.

This week the Democratic House passed a bill rescinding tax breaks for oil companies and the reaction from Republicans was utterly predictable--

"There will be less investment in American energy, there will be less production of American energy, we will have more dependence on foreign oil, and we will have higher fuel prices," said Rep. Kevin Brady (R., Texas). "Make no mistake: Politicians are shooting at Big Oil, but they're hitting American energy workers, and they're hitting families in the pocketbook."
Excuse me? The oil industry has continued to report record profits and any attempt to reign them in will automatically translate into oil industry workers getting the shaft? Don't even get me started on what it will mean to consumers.

If you check the website of any major corporation and read their statement of principles it will inevitably say something along the lines of "our success is a direct result of our focus on the needs of shareholders, customers and employees."

More often than not these days only the first part of that equation is true. It's not that way through the realities of the market, or some other iron law of capitalism beyond our control. It's that way by choice. It's that way because the people that make the decisions regarding whether their corporations will focus on shareholders, customers or employees are usually also the biggest shareholders in that corporation.

It's time for the oil industry and congressional Republicans to stop taking hostages.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Look, why don't you just run for Congress and leave us alone?

The Onion has provided a handy Election Glossary for those of us confused about all the terms thrown about.

A few examples-

absentee ballot
A form of voting that does not involve the inconvenience of having to get up off the couch and walk to a high school gymnasium.

The process by which Americans are quadrennially reminded of Iowa's existence.

election worker
A male or female at least 70 years of age.

The degree to which each candidate is able to hide the extent to which he or she is full of shit.

political consultants
Individuals who are very savvy politically, but don't have enough hair to run for office themselves.

I've come up with a couple on my own-

ballot initiative
The process by which things are written into law that even the legislators aren't stupid enough to pass.

network anchor
So named because they sink every substantive discussion of politics.

Saying anything that can any way be construed negatively about the candidate I support.

misogyny/ racism
See mudslinging.
Any of your own you'd like to add?

One has to ask some very strange things in the job I have.

Just a question --

If, at last night's debate, Tim Russert asks stupid questions that piss off Clinton supporters and Tim Russert asks stupid questions that piss of Obama supporters, shouldn't the ire of all of us be focused on Tim Russert instead of at each other?

Which brings up a larger question -- who really benefits when Democrats are ripping into each other because of a funny picture of one of the candidates or because of the contents of a mailing?

I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.

Thank you Dr. Zaius for the wonderful award.

It almost makes up for the generations of my kind being hunted and captured by your Gorilla soldiers. I still won't forgive you for the lobotomy. Besides the complete loss of memory and inability to pronounce multi-syllabic words it's also left me incapable of getting the part in my hair just the way I like it.

As I keep my blogroll fairly modest by design, I really don't see anyone on the list that hasn't recieved the award already so the award will just have to die a humble death here. I'll keep it in the trunk while I make my acceptance speech.

Monday, February 25, 2008

If I were not mad, I could have helped you.

Oh, lest I forget:

  • Morning Martini
  • Listen, if you wanted to join the PFJ you'd have to really hate the Romans.

    Glancing at the big lefty blogs today it appears the war between supporters of our two candidates has just gotten uglier. I think we could all use a reminder from Life of Brian --

    I loveded you piggy. I loveded you.

    Is this karma, bad luck or some higher power messing with me? On Friday I was awarded a pretty nice performance bonus by my standards. Yesterday Mrs. Wormer put a Wii controller into our 47" LCD television playing Wii bowling. If you need me I'll be playing taps on the bagpipes in the backyard.

    Also- Haunted House Update - We're probably going to stay at the house sometime in March. I'm planning on taking a camera and some sort of recording device and doing all that stuff you see on Ghosthunters where you ask the spirits for permission to film, etc.

    Sunday, February 24, 2008

    Somebody left the door open and the wrong dogs came home.

    In today's Parade magazine Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has an article entitled "How to Save Our Courts."

    She's focusing of course on the influence of money and political influence in judicial elections which she feels leads to unqualified, overly political judges.

    Of course she doesn't mentioned the elephant in the room: federal judges appointed by the president for political reasons who are just as unqualified and overly political as the elected lower-court judges she's railing against.

    Why would she leave that part out? I suspect it has something to with the fact she is one of the five people personally responsible for that president and, by extension, those horrible federal judges.

    You want to fix our courts? Let's begin by putting a President with above-room-temperature I.Q. in office. Until then maybe you ought to keep your advice to yourself, mkay?