Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?

One could read President Bush's remarks defending the Iraq war yesterday or one could watch the following video to get the same effect.

(I'd take the video if I were you.)

Holy smoke, he's a Toon!

This last weekend I had the pleasure of seeing two films both of which attracted quite a bit of controversy in the realm of politics this last year - "The 300" and "Happy Feet."

"The 300" was the center of quite a bit of attention from the Right-Wing in it's depiction of the epic battle of Western civilization against the godless hordes of Eastern savages. As much as I happy that conservatives are warming to the idea of trying to understand subtext I think they're wildly overextending by identifying with the Spartans depicted in this movie. Although the depiction a horde of half-naked, oiled and muscled men did give off a Jeff Gannon vibe that I'm sure hit a note with that weird element of the conservative subconscious in which they are similarly suppressing their wildest desires at the same time they're violently against those same desires when they see them openly expressed in others.

"Freedom isn't free."

"The 300" was made for one reason only - to depict the violence inherent in ancient warfare as realistically as possible using today's state of the are computer graphics. If you're looking for deeper meaning in this movie than I feel sorry for you. Sure, there are tons of throwaway lines like the above that sound like they might be something that could fall out of George W. Bush's mouth during any of his speeches but really the expositional portions of the movie are filler to get to another crackerjack actions scene.

Clash of civilizations? The Persian empire displayed in this movie was a cartoonish, looking glass view that fell somewhere between the hordes of maniacal bikers populating the desert in Mad Max and Peter Jackson's orcish armies which seemed to heavily influence many parts of the film. One would have to be a simpleton of the highest order to take this depiction of Persian culture at face value.

Ahem.

In contrast the children's movie "Happy Feet" was the target of quite a bit of conservative bile a few months back. They hated the film's categorizing of religious zealots among the penguin leadership as the crazy ones. They despised the film's environmental message. They loathed the dancing penguins. Especially the dancing penguins.

Tappity-tap-tap

The criticism of this movie that I've read was still fresh in mind as I watched which left me to ask myself "what the hell kind of people have a problem with a movie this good?" Yes- it had a blatant ally pro-environmental message but it was never that heavy-handed and wasn't central to the story. Yes - the devoutly religious penguins in the film are a actually antagonists but a couple of points might be important to point out here: they're cartoon penguins and they're god is great penguin in the sky. C'mon.

How many films have we seen in out lifetimes where those that resist change are the bad guys? It's hardly something new that conservatives would be the villains in a film. Film, all drama, is about a protagonist doing something and changing. The forces that line up against that protagonist and resist that change are what create the drama. Don't like that? Stop going to movies.

So to sum up, conservatives -

• Like half-naked, well-muscled men.


• Like empty slogans.


• Hate dancing penguins.


• Don't much like to have the penguin-god mocked.


• Prefer much less pro-environmental stuff in their pro-environmental movie.


• Still seemed confused between cartoons and real life. (see George W. Bush)
  
  

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

This tempest over the movie Happy Feet immediately brings to mind something Mrs. Wormer quipped a few years ago when she heard of televangalist Jerry Fallwell's campaign against a "homosexual" Bert and Ernie: "They're puppets."

(Mrs. Wormer is the queen of icy observations. Several years ago while in a theater watching E.T., the gentleman sitting behind her waited until the end of the movie when the alien magically made Elliot and his bike fly to spout in disbelief "Oh, Cmon!" Mrs. Wormer turned around and said "But you bought it up 'til now.")

It goes without saying that conservatives are not often, as the Tick would say, on a first name basis with lucidity. They couldn't call themselves conservatives if they weren't accustomed to looking reality squarely in the face and telling it to bugger off. Those that've displayed the mental gymnastics necessary to convince themselves Saddam was behind 9/11 or that abstinence only programs actually decrease teen sexual activity or that human activity doesn't contribute significantly towards global warming aren't really a big leap away from assuming cartoon penguins represent the evils of liberalism.

I will admit to a grudging respect for those conservatives that've taken the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach to cartoons. The Veggie Tales are cloyingly annoying yet they wear their Christianity loudly and proudly. It does beg the question as to whether it's creators recognize the irony of a cartoon about Christians in which Christians are represented by vegetables. What's the deal- were cattle, zombies or lemmings already taken?

But what I'd really like would be for conservatives to stop the cowardly hiding and the alternative entertainment sources and engage us directly. Don't believe in global warming? Fine, then engage a study that can be published in scientific journals for peer review rather than broadcast through right-wing media. Think a movie about dancing penguins is a little too heavy on the liberal message? Fund your own major animated film about animals that eat their young, kill everything that's weaker and rule through fear. Why not Atlas Shrugs with bears?