Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze.

From the "Crazy Lady with Too Much Time on Her Hands" file:

KNIGHTSVILLE, Ind. (WTHI) - Months ago, Rachel Jones was shocked to discover her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light.

Imagine her surprise when a game for her 8-year-old daughter's Nintendo DS had the same message.

Rachel said she bought the Nintendo game, Baby Pals, as a gift for her 8-year-old daughter after a good report card.

She had no idea the game also contained the hidden message "Islam is the light."

"We were sitting in the kitchen, and she was playing it," said Jones. "All of a sudden she looked at me, and I looked at her and she said, 'Mom, I think my baby said something.' And so I played it back, and it says 'Islam is the light.'"

The hard-hitting journalist who wrote this piece actually contacted the game's manufacturer for comment rather than gently suggesting to Mrs. Jones that she walk, not run, to the nearest state certified mental health professional.

I think I identified the problem:

The Nintendo game has an "E" rating, which means it's suitable for any age.

The toy/ gaming industry should immediately institute a "L" rating so that loonies can avoid paying for something they might misunderstand.