Monday, August 04, 2008

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!

For the last month or so the local radio stations have been playing an advertisement for Schuck's Auto Supply which mention that a good way to save gas would be to make sure you aren't carrying around junk in your trunk and that your tires are at the correct pressure. Sensible suggestions to most normal people on the planet who don't live daily suffering from the dreaded effects of Cranial Posterior Immersion.

This weekend the McCain campaign collectively mocked Barack Obama's recent suggestion that consumers do the same. McCain surrogates went so far as to carry tire gauges into interviews as props, claiming that demonstrates the sum total of Obama's energy policy.

This is part of the reason many of us work hard to try and avoid news of politics these days. If the presidential primary was largely made up of "silly season" then the general election has swung fully into "stupid season." Fueled mostly by the coordinated strategy of Republican political strategists working for McCain and a drooling, moronic media that continues to simply let them get away with the most outrageous bullshit imaginable.

In a sane world somebody like McCain supporter Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty would whip out tire gauge during an interview and claim this was Obama's energy policy the reporter would burst into laughter, turn off the mike and shut of the camera and tell Pawlenty to take a hike until he wanted to give an interview that wasn't composed of childish talking points.

This is what I let drive up my blood pressure. Not that these boneheads push this stupid crap but that the media doesn't call them on it. It's infuriating because it's a challenge to the very concept of objective reality, not objectivity.
Conservatives try an innoculate themselves from being called on this crap by trying to make it sound like those of us grounded in objective reality are elitist. It's considered bad form to call conservatives stupid or dumb.

Fuck that. Conservatives that repeat this stuff are slope-browed, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging morons. They're idiots who add absolutely nothing, zip, nada to the discourse. In fact---
Conservatives are so dumb they got hit by a parked car.

Conservatives are so dumb they tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

Conservatives are so dumb they tripped over a cordless phone.

Conservatives are so dumb they got locked out of a motorcycle.

Conservatives are so dumb I told them drinks were on the house and they went and grabbed a ladder.

Conservatives are so dumb they think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Whew. I feel a little better.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I hope you;re here all week. Zing! I for got to tip my wiatress.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Conservatives are so stupid they think Americans will be fooled by their stupid talking points!

The American press is so much a tool of the republican/corporate party that they will report whatever those scumbags say with nary a critical thought thrown in!

That is the real problem for sure.

Bradda said...

Conservatives always accuse their opponents of what bothers them most deep down about themselves.

Fran said...

Wait... you mean this is not a conservative blog? Holy crap, what have I been wasting my time doing here???

(and tell Schuck's that "junk in the trunk" is a bizarre sexual act!")

ThoughtCriminal said...

They're definitely not trying to reach outside their base. I can't imagine a more pathetic campaign, and yet, I come across wing-nuts who think this stuff is relevant and brilliant.

Randal Graves said...

And yet those base-pleasing monosyllables somehow get bought by enough people who should - ha ha - know better.

Fucking hell does the media suck the hairy balls of some really tall, hairy thing.

Dean Wormer said...


Always the monkey hecklers.


Yeah, the bunch of stupid media parrots.


Projection does seem to afflict them.


Sorry to have led you astray and megadittos.


People seem to believe what they want to believe, rather than what is.


Fucking hell does the media suck the hairy balls of some really tall, hairy thing.

Out my way we call them sasquatch but I understand in other parts of the world they're referred to as yeti or the foggy bottom monster.

Dave The Angry Rhode Islander said...

I like it when you're angry - an angry Dean Wormer is a good Dean Wormer. Take it from a guy who knows angry.

Spirula said...

an interview that wasn't composed of childish talking points.

Were those the guidlines, we wouldn't hear any more interviews with Republicans about...well, almost everything.

We can wish, can't we?

Dean Wormer said...


Thanks, but I look goofy when I'm angry. I have this vein right in the middle of my forehead that looks like it may pop.



Pugs in Space said...

Clap clap clap! Kudos! Great blog! Love the title and pic. Will Ferrell was great in that movie. Well he is great in all of his movies. I digress...

mwb said...

"Conservatives are so dumb they tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order."

Blue, Green, Red, Yellow.


Pilar Penobscot said...

Conservatives don't know how to unjam a 1090.