But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.

Ahoy me hearties!

This weekend be the Portland Pirate Festival.

Plenty of music, grog and chow crawling out of the bung hole at St. Johns.

Dress smartly. Lubbers welcome.

Here be some pirate pick-up lines I've shamelessly looted.

Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
Come on up and see me urchins.
Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
Well blow me down?
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let's get together and haul some keel.
That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

You bilge rats can find your pirate name here or here or here.

I be Left Eye Lewie. What be your name?

I'm sweating like a bridegroom.

As a fan of Star Trek and an admirer of George Takei in particular (he has a very interesting life story and always speaks his mind) I just wanted to say how happy I am for him on his wedding this week to his longtime partner Brad Altman.

I'm going to risk conflating real life with fiction here but I think that in this case it will be okay since Takei has never run away from his association with Trek, in fact he's always spoke of it proudly. Star Trek means cardboard sets and bad acting to a good portion of the population and I won't argue that. I readily admit it's cheesy to it's core.

But Star Trek - specifically the future imagined by Gene Rodenberry some forty years ago now - has also always presented a kind of society that I as a progressive wished we lived in. There is no racism, sexism or prejudice against homosexuals in that fictional future. Takei understood what Trek represented from the start which is why he didn't try and run away from the show like Shatner and Nimoy did.

So congratulations Mr. Takei on your wedding. In the larger sense it was a step towards a better, more equatable society. For that I thank you.

(Takei with spouse Altman, Maid of Honor Nichelle Nichols and Best Man Walter Koenig)

I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

There probably exists no legal instrument for this but I want the government to seize every penny of this man's $47 million dollar severance package.

Since taxpayers are now on the hook to the tune of $80 billion to AIG partly for the decisions Sullivan made as CEO it's the least we can expect that he'll be the first to chip in.

At the very least we need to take every cent that man has to send a message to other executives willing to gamble with so many other people's future. Consider it a deterrent. Sort of like capital punishment.

When you break this down this man and the other executives at his company just stole money from you, me and everybody else that's filled out a W-4. It's long past time that we went a little medieval on their asses.

Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

Randal took the time to drop Esmerelda, climb down from his belltower and slap me with a meme.

The idea is to list the top 25 tracks on your mp3 player at this moment.

I'm going to place this fair. I put my music on my phone and I just got a new phone for my birthday and haven't had a chance to upload a ton of stuff. As of right now I currently have the following full albums-

1) Soundtrack to Juno (This is absolutely awesome.)

2) Bob Marley - Legend

3) Best of Frank Sinatra

4) Otis Redding - 1968 - In Person at the Whisky A Go Go

5) Pink Floyd Echoes - The Best of Pink Floyd

6) Rolling Stones - Touring Party Vol. 1

7) Rolling Stones - Goats Head Soup

Out of those I'd pick--

Anyone Else But You (Juno)

Tire Swing (Juno)

Kick Out of You (Sinatra)

So Nice So Smart (Juno)

No Woman, No Cry (Marley)

Could You Be Loved (Marley)

Redemption Song (Marley)

Waiting in Vain (Marley)

I've Been Loving You Too Long (Redding)

Try a Little Tenderness (Redding)

Fly Me To The Moon (Sinatra)

Luck Be A Lady (Sinatra)

Hide Your Love (Stones)

Angie (Stones)

Hey You (Floyd)

Learning to Fly (Floyd)

Wish You Were Here (Floyd)

Money (Floyd)

Marooned (Floyd)

Satisfaction (Stones) (I know it's f-ed out but I still love it.)

Start Me Up (Stones)

The Last Time (Stones)

Shattered (Stones)

Brown Sugar (Stones)

Paint It Black (Stones)

Also- Liberality sucker punched me with a meme last week-

1) Where were you ten years ago? Ever seen the "Deadliest Catch" on the Discovery channel? The show where the guys go out under incredibly dangerous conditions in arctic waters to catch crab? I was watching that.

2) What is on your to do list today? Return some books to the library. Talk to H.R. about a problem employee. Listen to the tunes on my phone. Make fun of the Elvis impersanator that sets up across from my place of work.

3) What would I do if I was a billionaire? I'm not one of those guys that would trade up to a new trophy wife and family but I would buy them all plastic surgery so it looked like I traded up.

4) Five places I've visited. Hawaii, Cuernevaca Mexico, Baja California, Washington D.C. and Gresham Oregon.

5) Bad habits - It takes me forever to answer tags.

Finally - special thanks to Joon for the Arte y Pico award. You rock!

I tag Swiney, donsnabalus, overdroid (because he hates being tagged,) westcoast walker and freida with whichever meme they want.

I thought you said your dog does not bite.

People seem to think today's story dog dials 911 when his owner has a seizure is a happy one.
This leaves me to wonder if it's really such a great idea to teach your dog to dial emergency services. Your canine buddy is going to make that call...

...when you're late filling his dinner bowl.

...when the neighbor's cat is in your yard.

...when the female lab up the road is in heat.

...when a bird whistles within a hundred feet of your house.

...when you're trying to give him a bath.

See what I mean? Seems like a recipe for disaster.

Oh, I love surprises. It's funny that you never suspect them!

Happy Friday!

Dang. That Palin interview was just embarrassing. Especially this part...

GIBSON: What do you think of the Bush Doctrine?

PALIN: Forgive me if I'm wrong Charlie but I believe George Bush was a Governor not a doctor before he became President.

GIBSON: "Doctrine." As in "tenet" or "philosophy."

PALIN: I'm pretty sure George Tenet was our spy guy before. You aren't going to get me with that trick question.

GIBSON: Here's a hint; it's something President Bush put in place following the September the 11th attacks.

PALIN: His mountain bike? His wife? He puts her in her place all the time.

(Gibson can be heard sighing.)

GIBSON: As I understand it the Bush Doctrine means the United States reserves the right to use preemptive force against countries we suspect of aiding terrorists.

PALIN: Umm. What do you think of it?

GIBSON: Well, I... wait a minute. You're the one that's supposed to answer the question.

PALIN: I think that the Bush Doctrine is good. In fact it's the best doctrine ever. All Americans would be happier if they followed President Bush's doctrine.

You won't make me cry. You'll never make me cry!

I was woken this morning to the dulcet tones of the Highland pipes as played as the ringtone my the new phone Mrs. Wormer got me for my birthday and snuck under my pillow.

This still beats the birthday morning revenge had by my oldest daughter who woke me with a Hendrix rendition a couple of years ago. Anybody that's been to college probably has stories of horrible ways to be awoken from cold water to felt pens.

The electric guitar played dirty beats those all in spades. It's not so much the guitar but the slow gliding into conciousness with the sound of an amp powering up right next to your ear. The first thought going through your head is "this is going to be bad."

Anyhoo- I was checking out Rachel Maddow's website for her show and got a kick out of the juxtapositon of the viagra ad in the lower corner with the picture of McCain/ Palin. I know Maddow probably didn't do that on purpose but it still cracks me up for some reason.

This is not a psychotic breakdown; it's a cleansing moment of clarity.

On the Olbermann/ MSNBC thing...

There are a number of theories be batted about as to why Tweety and Keith were dropped from political anchor duties by MSNBC. Personally I find the idea that took a lot of heat and was ultimately canned over apologizing for McCain's over the top 9-11 propaganda video to be offensive in the extreme.

During their convention the Republicans aired a film showing multiple images of the 9-11 attacks including images of people jumping to their deaths out of burning buildings in order to to gin up support for a political candidate. Any American, any human being that wasn't offended by that is simply a sociopath, as are so many conservative Republicans these days.

When they cut back from that video to Keith a visibly stunned Keith chided the Republicans for that garbage, rightly observed that anyone else using those images to sell a product would be cut to ribbons by the rest of the media and quickly went to commercial.

Here's the video with Keith's reaction if you missed it. The images of the people jumping from windows have been edited out but there are plenty more of offensive images contained therein. You may just want to skip to the end.



I'm sick of the media bowing to the whiny tantrums of the children that make up the conservative base of the Republican party. Some times it feels as if the ignoramuses in this country hold the rest of us hostage. This is one of those times.

Who's the wild man now?!

Mrs. Wormer suggested I post this since I may have mistakenly given you guys the idea I'm Father of the Year material.

Pretty much my favorite thing in the world to do is to go to a college football game. Especially if that game involves my beloved Ducks, of which I'm an alumni.

On Friday night Mrs. Wormer and I were out at the local Octoberfest when I got a call from a buddy telling me his "date" to the Ducks vs. Utah State game had canceled at the last minute and asking me if I wanted to go.

This was a tough call because as tempting as that was, Dean Jr. (12) plays football and his first game was Saturday morning. There was no way I could miss it. So I politely turned down the offer and begged my buddy to keep me in mind in the future.

Dean Jr. played a great game. He got a couple of sacks, stopped a running back cold with a pop that I'm sure they could hear a couple of counties over and all in all did me proud.

After the game we were sitting around unwinding and I told him about being invited to the Ducks game but choosing to go see him play instead. His reaction verbatim: "are you fucking stupid?"

All I could hear was his mother in the other room laughing her ass off.

What do you mean "they" cut the power? They're animals.

I worked late last night and turned on the radio on the way home. Big mistake. That old guy droning on about stuff with his nasally voice almost put me to sleep behind the wheel. That guy is the John Tesh of politicians.

So here's the final series of pics from Animal Blogging Week featuring photos we've taken of critters. Today it's animals we've either seen or eaten. Actually those aren't exclusive.

Deer that wandered into our campsite a couple of weeks ago.

Had a cool moment at about five in the morning. We camped close to town because I couldn't get out of work and one morning I'd just gotten back from the shower and dressed for work and was sitting by the campsite drinking coffee when this same deer walked right up to me and checked me out. I just kept thinking "I'm going to be in a shiny, high tech office in a couple of hours and right now I'm hanging with a deer."

Took this picture at the zoo obviously. I loved how Doctor Zaius, ahem, this Orangutan came right up to us to chat. I think he was thinking "someday you're going to be on the other side of this glass and I'm going to watch YOU throw your poop at your friends."

Shark from the Oregon Aquarium. We needed a bigger boat.

Giant Dungeoness crab. I've crabbed for fun for most of my life and most of the time we get crabs that are barely keepers according to regulations. Wouldn't you know the first time I take the kids out on a boat we catch this giant. It's pretty rare to see a crab this size in the bay as the commercial fishermen get them first. He was delicious.

D'oh. He was also delicious. (jk)

A seal watching us crab. No crabz 4 U.

Zoo again. I think it's fair to say this zebra rarely misses a meal. He's not exactly in sleek, jungle form.

For some reason I hate elephants after the last week.

Hungry like Duran Duran.