Friday, July 18, 2008

There's another old saying, Senator: Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.

One of my favorite simian bloggers responded ably to my challenge to identify victories achieved by the Democratic congress since they took over in 2006. Without re-opening that particular can of worms, I do want to take issue with his comment that "I must have been one of those kids that got everything I wanted for Christmas as a child."

No, no I didn't.

In the end I don't think the analogy works very well when you factor in the fact that Santa isn't on my payroll and my local congressman is. One of them works for me and the other's a chubby elvish freelancer. (Both like milk and cookies.)

But, for the sake of argument, let's run with the analogy. Let's say you wrote a letter to Santa reminding him that you've been a good little boy or girl and listing out some of the things that might make good gifts, if he was in the mood. At the top of the list you put the things you really, really wanted like a shiny red bike or that Malibu Barbie you've had your eye on. At the bottom of your list was things like baseball cards or school supplies.

Now let's say Santa skipped everything else on the list including the bike with the only gift you had under the tree on Christmas morning was school supplies. It'd be hard not to be disappointed, no? Especially when your elephantine brother who constantly misbehaves gets everything he wants.

You'd find yourself asking what the point is of being good in the first place? You'd start to wonder if there was any justice in the world. You'd probably find yourself getting to the place where you had no use for Santa since he doesn't listen anyway.

You'd ultimately wind up voting Santa's sorry ass out of office the first chance you got since he was an ungrateful son-of-a-bitch who doesn't give a rat's ass about people like you who leave cheap cookies rather than the gourmet cookies he enjoys.

11 comments:

Randal Graves said...

For me, the most depressing part is that, assuming most of us are still alive, we'll be having this same conversation when the next Nixon/Reagan/Bush lunatic occupies the White House.

Dean Wormer said...

Yep.

It seems like it'll never get better.

Sigh.

Don Snabulus said...

Unfortunately, in this analogous world, the school supply manufacturer got a lucrative no bid contract and they are subisidiaries of the company that owns the TV stations in town.

Meanwhile, the makers of Malibu Barbie know that the materials used to make it are becoming more scarce, so they jack the prices up and rake in huge profits. Their parent company owns the radio stations in town.

Santa will lose out to baby Jesus next Christmas if he can't get money and positive media coverage from the school place and the Barbie folks. If that happens, the kids will get lectures and rules instead of presents, so Santa must figure out how to make both of them happy or he can't carry out his own agenda of being a hero to children around the world.

So Santa makes a devil's bargain. He has no other choice if he wants to be the main choice for kids at Christmas. The school supply and Malibu people make out like bandits (because they ARE bandits), Santa gets to keep giving good kids crappy presents and crappy kids good presents, and each year it will get a little worse.

Because that is how America works right now.

Joe the Troll said...

I still think the point that someone made about the extremely slim majority and the record-setting filibusters is very pertinent. We haven't given them the majority needed to steamroller the Republicans we way a lot of people expect them to do.

FranIAm said...

Just wake me up when its over, ok?

Arkonbey said...

Joe beat me to it. The Dems don't have the majority that the Repubs did when they forced all that wonderful stuff through.

I will add that there are a lot of freshman Dems on the roll right now and that doesn't help, either.

It'd be a bad idea we all re-voted for another bunch of freshman Dems because the current crop hasn't magically been able to get a whole lot done. Majority or not, working in DC is about seniority.

Dr. Zaius said...

An analogy or a thought experiment can be an interesting was you conveying an explicit meaning or to express a particular feeling.

I wonder what would happen to this particular thought experiment that you have created if the delivery of cookies (any cookies at all) to your house by your lead character, Santa, depended on his having to overcome a 60% vote out of 100 of elves of which only 49 agreed with his desires. (One of his loyal elves was recovering from a stroke, and the other was a traitorous neoconservative asshole.)

The other 49 elves were loyal to Satan. Satan, who is in power in this scenario, cannot be usurped because to do so would require a two-thirds majority among the elves to succeed.

All the while that Santa is doing his best to deliver cookies to all of the good boys and girls in the world, Satan is working to destroy all of Santa's rich, creamy goodness by convincing all of the good boys and girls in the world to become bad boys and girls through mind-numbing propaganda zombification.

Satan has all of the major corporations and the mainstream media around his little finger. Santa only has the light of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer to guide his way. Meanwhile, boys and girls everywhere are unwittingly helping Satan by taking potshots at Santa's sleigh because they did not get exactly what they wanted. Also, it's an election year.

It is interesting to note that if Satan's elves were to get everything that they wanted, then abortion would be illegal, Christian Fundamentalism would be taught in public schools, Social Security would disappear and Santa would now be at war with Iran.

How do you like them cookies? ;o)

Übermilf said...

Dr. Zaius is going to give me nightmares.

pissed off patricia said...

Well, they did raise minimum wage and that was probably a good thing for a lot of people.

Santa was highly over rated as far as I was concerned as a little kid. He was never very generous to me. Might of had something to do with the fact that my parents were poor as hell.

Dean Wormer said...

don-

So Santa makes a devil's bargain. He has no other choice if he wants to be the main choice for kids at Christmas. The school supply and Malibu people make out like bandits (because they ARE bandits), Santa gets to keep giving good kids crappy presents and crappy kids good presents, and each year it will get a little worse.

And let's face it Dobson really deserves coal in his stocking, not the Malibu Barbie he's getting.

Joe-

The numbers aren't the whole story.

We've had 30 years of Republican rule whether they have the presidency, a majority or a minority in congress. They always seem to get their way.

I keep bringing up FISA but it's a perfect example of how democratic politicians remain terminally clueless.

The bill never would've gotten to the floor if Harry Reid hadn't allowed it.

It's like we're fighting with one hand tied behind our back.

fran-

Actually a nap doesn't sound too bad.

arkonbey-

The netroots catchphrase is "more and better dems." I see a number of those who voted for FISA were heroes of the netroots community.

I don't care about experience at this point if it means they're part of the calcified Washington hive mind but the alternative hasn't worked much better.

zaius-

I hate to admit it but your Santa spin was funnier. Especially the bit about the traitorous neoconservative elf. Lieberman still wears his hair bushy because he has pointy ears.

It is interesting to note that if Satan's elves were to get everything that they wanted, then abortion would be illegal, Christian Fundamentalism would be taught in public schools, Social Security would disappear and Santa would now be at war with Iran.

Thing is- I do think we're slowly marching this way through the judicial branch. The dems have certainly not done everything within their power -including filibuster- to keep the things you say from happening.

And we're not out of the woods yet on Iran. Bush has the constitutional fig-leaf to do what he wants in Kyl Lieberman. A majority of dems in both houses voted for it.

ubermilf-

Me too.

Pop-

A few years ago the minimum wage would've been enough for me. When we move beyond what at their heart are political/ philisophical differences like minimum wage and get into an assault on the very constitution then I'm not as impressed.

The Easter Bunny was much more generous to me personally but then I'm a big fan of boiled eggs.

Liberality said...

I understand Zaius' viewpoint but there are things that the Democrats can do and refuse to do--even if it's just mostly symbolic, it would at least seem as if they were trying and still on our side. I've grown weary of hearing excuses too.