Sunday, April 06, 2008

Frankenstein! Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible! Sole survivor of the titanic pile-up of '95.

I almost joined Chuck Heston today.

I'm still trying to get my head around what happened, or what almost happened. The whole thing left me pretty shaken up. It's one of those things that if you change a slight thing and Mrs. Wormer is a widow and my kids don't have a dad.

It was a car accident, of course. A stupid, insane car accident. I had run to the store to get the fam a special treat of donuts for Sunday morning and was first in line to turn left onto the highway by the store that leads back to my house (this took place less than a mile from my house.)

As the turn signal went green I began to pull onto the highway and caught something coming fast from the left out my peripheral vision and slammed on the brakes. The other car (a very nice 08) ran a red light that had been red for a couple of minutes going at at least 55 mph. She tore off the bumper and the two front wheel wells of my car.

As I approached her to make sure everything was okay she wouldn't get out of her car and acknowledge me or the accident, but she seemed to be physically fine. The cops, paramedics and ambulance arrived almost immediately and the woman apparently tried to slit her own wrist with a knife because they quickly piled her onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. They then pulled out a huge clear bag of what looked to be prescription drugs from her car.

The officer had to give me her information but said I should probably wait a while to call her because she has "other issues" that are going to need to be dealt with.

What I've been trying to put out of my mind all day is that - if I'd been a half-second faster off that light this lady would've t-boned me on the driver's side of my car at highway speed. Odds are it would've taken the jaws of life to get what would've been left of me out of my car. If there was anything left to get out.

This isn't lost on Mrs. Wormer or the kids who seem a little bit more upset than myself and they weren't even with me. I'm getting a lot of hugs today.

A half-second. Jesus.


Don Snabulus said...

Fucking A. Consider yourself hugged my man. And again.

I am so glad you are okay. Hopefully the rest of the situation resolves itself okay.

Overdroid said...

Which one of us lives in L.A.?

ladybug said...

Wow, seems to me this lady had a death wish, and didn't seem to care who she took with her...(I also remember a similiar incident from downtown Portland 5+ years ago-a "distraught" woman cause about 4 accidents speeding through red lights "trying to kill herself"; she managed to injure several people, one at least severely, and snarled traffic during rush hour).

I'm so glad you are alright! Now you just have to deal w/the consequences (insurance nightmare) of her fark up...

Swinebread said...

Fuck dude! I'm happy you're still here to tell the tale.

Sue her ass off...

Dr. Zaius said...

Holy crap! I'm glad you are OK. :-0

Dean Wormer said...


Thank you. I'm fine. Car's prolly totalled but it's just a car.


That's kind of what we were thinking that she may have been trying to do herself in by running the red. Can you imagine if she got up the mountain to "death alley?" Probably would a van full of skiers. Ugh.

But a Sunday on the phone with insurance companies does remind me why I hate them. Her insurance company was demanding her address even though I had her policy number and even though I explained the situation and why I never got to talk to her. Jerks.


Suing crosses my mind when this stuff happens but I just can't bring myself to on principle. Besides that the money probably wouldn't be worth it.


Thanks, man!

Dave The Angry Rhode Islander said...

Glad you are okay. Must have been pretty damned scary.

ladybug said...

Dean-you (or your ins co) may have to sue her anyway...depends on what her ins co tries to pull in regards to replacing your car.

Don't rule it out "on principle"-because the biggest principle is your safety, and the care you and your loved ones need.

It also might serve to get her off the road...maybe permanently.

(In the hopes there will not be a repeat, for someone else, with more dire results).

Dean Wormer said...


Thanks. It wasn't the worst accident I've been in but it's been the scariest upon reflection if that makes any sense. It's left us pretty shook up.


Actually we just called our lawyer. Turns out the car she was driving was a rental and was rented by this woman's father. Her insurance company is now balking at liability and is pointing fingers at the rental agency. That round robin is leaving me pissed off. And I'm calm compared to the Missus today. She's off on Mondays so she's knee deep in this and spitting nails.

Look out!

Jess Wundrun said...

Wow. I was in a similar accident last year, but the lady who t-boned me was just old and inattentive.

Didn't they arrest her for the drugs?

If I were you I wouldn't call her at all. Ever. (I'm reading Ian McEwan's "Saturday" about a guy who gets into an accident with some unsavory characters. Don't read that for a little while either) Let the lawyers and the insurance companies do that, you just have to keep yelling at them.

Long distance hug. Now get that whiplash looked at.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Holy hell man, I'm glad you're ok.

Randal Graves said...

Holy fuck man, glad you're still among the living! And that we don't have to pry anything from your cold, dead hands!

Dude, sue, and with the payout, buy a helicopter.

Dean Wormer said...


I don't know if there are criminal charges but I assume so. The cops were pretty calm about the whole thing and even when she got out the knife and cut her wrist I didn't see any guns come out. They just grabbed it and helped the paramedics load her on a stretcher.

I think the cop by telling me a couple of times not to call her for a while was alluding to the fact she was going to be tied up for a while in a way that didn't break any sort of confedentiality laws.

Thanks for the good thoughts, though!


Thanks! Love your blog, btw. I'm gonna link Monkey Muck but please tell me if that's not okay.

Dean Wormer said...


Missed your comment. A chopper would be great. I'd be like batman. Only without the tights, cape or cool secret identity.

Freida Bee said...

Oh Dean, I am so glad you are okay.

I had a similar scare a year ago when I was driving 55 mph and someone pulled out right in front of me. I immediately swerved to avoid him, saw there was oncoming traffic, jerked the steering wheel , and with my eyes closed and by some miracle of physics, ended up straddling a median where I skidded to a stop by tearing the shit out of the bottom of my car. The man (all I saw- it was 5Am and dark) I almost killed... drove off. Motherfucker, and since there was no proof of another car to be seen, the person driving by kept going, and it was an old car that we only had liability on, we just got screwed, but I am glad I don't have that on my conscience and that I didn't die. I was freaked out for weeks and have driven to work a different way ever since.

It may have been being home in the country with my kids most days without a car last summer that drove me to blogging though.

Dean Wormer said...


Yikes! That sounds awful. It's lucky he drove away or it sounds like you would've punched him out.

An accident led to you blogging? Aha! A silver lining. :)

Fran said...

Holy freaking crap Dean- I don't read for 2 days and this is what I find?!

I am going to say it - you know me, thank God you are ok. Thank the freaking flying spaghetti monster or whatever, but you know who I am with. You should just be grateful to be alive period.

It is very strange when we encounter it so close, knowing that the slightest difference would make in whether we lived or not...

Sheesh, it must really have shaken you.

Dean Wormer said...


Thank you. I was pretty much a mess on Sunday and actually threw this post up as an excuse to try and make sense of the stuff that was going through my head.

I've been in some bad car accidents but this one in which there was no fatalities but one ALMOST fatality has left me pretty shaken.

Something you might appreciate is that I'm dreading telling my Marian Catholic mother-in-law about this. She goes into long rants about how prayer and angels helped her find parking places. I can't imagine how many saints I'll have to hear were looking out for me.

Because we all know the FSM was protecting me with his noodley appendages. :)

Anonymous said...

That is scary. I'm glad it turned out OK. It's hardly Boring in your neck of the woods, is it?

ladybug said...

Something you might appreciate is that I'm dreading telling my Marian Catholic mother-in-law about this. She goes into long rants about how prayer and angels helped her find parking places. I can't imagine how many saints I'll have to hear were looking out for me.

I hear ya!....still have folks that do that kind of stuff about our son..

I makes me stabby!

Dean Wormer said...


did you say that in your Austin Powers voice?


I can't believe people would be so unkind. It's almost like they try and fit their squre peg of faith into your round hole of mourning.

That's kind of a stupid analogy but it makes sense, eh?

Arkonbey said...

MAN! Sorry I haven't been checking up, but glad you didn't check out!

Did the druggie have insurance?

Dean Wormer said...


She did but it's a mess because it was a rental car rented by her father. I had to file a claim under my own insurance to get things moving and still nobody has stepped up to the plate.