Homer: Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong. When a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong. And when a woman says that something *isn't* funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!
Bart: I want to be emancipated.
Homer: Emancipated? Don't you like being a dude?
Homer: Hey boy. Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grampa: I'll play catch with you.
Homer: Go home.
Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?
Homer: Please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.