Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die

I'll say this much for Bush: when he gets his script in the morning with his "word for the day" he sticks to it.

Yesterday the President blasted 'wild speculation' over Iran plans. (pronounced SPECK-U-LAY-SHUN)

Funny, but that seemed to be awfully close to what White House spokesman Scott McClellan said earlier at morning press gaggle.

QUESTION: But are nuclear strikes on the table? You're familiar with the --

SCOTT McCLELLAN: I answered that -- I answered that in my remarks.

QUESTION: Yes or no?

SCOTT McCLELLAN: I answered that in my remarks. I won't -- I'm not going to comment further about it. It's just engaging in kind of wild speculation to get into commenting further about it.

And later...

QUESTION: But don't you also expect the Defense Department to be -- the kind of attacks that would be necessary for an --

SCOTT McCLELLAN: You're trying to get me to jump into all this wild speculation from some of the stories that came over the weekend.

I'd like to channel Jon Stewart and say that if you're the President or the Spokesman for the President of the United States and you're asked if the U.S. will pre-emptively use tactical nukes against a Middle-East country the correct answer isn't some dismissive, politically calculated non-answer. The correct answer is something along the lines of: "Fuck no! What, are you nuts?"

They're trying to be cute. Problem is their prevailing public persona by design is crazy guy and you can't be cute AND crazy. Unless you're Robin Williams, of course. He's hairy, cute and crazy.

But don't try and call them on the "wild speculation" thing or you'll get what this reporter got from McClellan:

QUESTION: It isn't wild.

SCOTT McCLELLAN: Sure it is. It's not based on knowledge of the administration's thinking. That's why it's wild speculation. It's based -- I saw one story that had numerous anonymous former officials and outside advisors being quoted in the story. How they possibly could understand what the administration's thinking is, is beyond me.

See,we can't BEGIN to understand what this bellicose administration that's gotten involved in two wars in two years is thinking. That's just wild speculation. But since we're speculating anyway:

Dick Cheney

Donald Rumsfeld

George W. Bush


Don Snabulus said...

Maybe if Bush were hairier, he might be funnier. (no pun intended)

Dean Wormer said...

Albert Einstein was pretty hairy, pretty funny and damn smart.

Bush is pretty much the opposite.

I don't think the analogy holds, though. Otherwise Sasquatch would be running the place.

Anonymous said...

I actually think that Bush's mental problems stem directly from a LACK of testosterone. He wants to be like the manly men, but no amount of compensation will fill the void in his soul.

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