Friday, September 22, 2006

You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

The big consensus about yesterday's torture agreement is that the Democrats got punk'd by not participating in the discussions and by trust McCain and company once again to do what's right. Well there's a grain of truth to that I don't think it's entirely fair to John McCain. He was able to force some pretty meaningful changes to the bill out of the administration:

1) Abuse of prisoners won't be called "torture" nor will it be referred to by the administration's Orwellian "alternative interrogation techniques." Instead it will now be called "spending the weekend with your mother-in-law."

2) All CIA interrogators will begin each session with the phrase "Ve have vays of making you talk." This will absolve them of any restraints of the Geneva convention.

3) When John McCain meets for talks at the White House he gets to order lunch first before that "funny-looking aide with the big ears that takes forever to make-up his mind before he orders."

4) Waterboarding will now be done solely within the confines of a Hooters restaurant and with jello. Jelloboarding.

See- it wasn't a total loss.


Don Snabulus said...

I think it is wonderful how McCain retroactively forgives his Vietnamese tormenters by helping Bush eliminate torture from the English language.

It takes real courage to deny reality.

Dean Wormer said...

Yep, he's a big man. The Mother Teresa of politics.