Monday, February 20, 2006

Oooh, spank me! Spank me!

Poor Bin Laden. If he wasn't such a murderous sociopath one could almost feel sorry for him. Almost. Spurned like a girl who's date takes her to the dance then proceeds to dance with every other girl BUT her, he's obviously in a lot of emotional pain and that's forced him to lash out and those he cares about the most.

In his latest tape he vows that he "would never be taken alive." He might as well say the United States will never force him to vote for a winning couple on "Dancing with the Stars" or the United States will never force him to eat processed cheese. The United States, as embodied in our fine Cowboy President, has no intention of doing any of these things. Bush doesn't care enough about you to take you dead OR alive.

This is the part that really has to hurt. President Bush continues to say he doesn't know where you are and doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about you. In fact; he spends as much time wondering where you are and what you're up to as he did when he read that PDB on August 6th, 2001 entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." None whatsoever.

That isn't to say he doesn't appreciate the fact you're out there acting crazy. Whether you're offering the U.S. a truce, threatening us with a new attack or just calling Bush and hanging up just to hear the sound of his voice, there's a certain type of bad-boy that thinks he looks good with a psycho ex-girlfriend hanging around. They think it makes them look like a player to their buddies. It's an "I'm such a stud it literally drove that chick crazy not to have me around" thing.

As soon as you realize that you're nothing more than Bush's Glenn Close life will get much easier. Trust me.


Anonymous said...

I'm assuming you mean Fatal Attraction Glen Close, but a case could be made for Dangerous Liaisons Glen Close.

Dean Wormer said...

True, but consider that she could also be the "Mars Attacks" Glenn Close.