Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a PANZER!

Rumsfeld to GIs' families: I'd love to be Santa Claus, but I'm not.

Hmmm....


The North Pole - atop a majestic mountain of snow sits Santa's Castle.

Inside Santa Rummy and Mrs. Claus sit at the kitchen table. She pushes a steaming plate of ham in front of him.

Mrs. Claus: Eat, Santa, eat. Nobody likes a skinny Santa.

Santa Rummy: Could I eat that ham? Probably. Would I eat it even though you made it and your cooking is atrocious? Goodness gracious no.

As she leaves the room crying the Elf Foreman slinks nervously up to the table.

Elf Foreman: Sir, could I have a moment?

Santa Rummy: Of course. But remember - a stitch in time, saves nine.

Elf Foreman: Er, thanks. Sir, the elves want me to ask you to reconsider your plan to cut back on the the elf workforce this Christmas. They don't think there'll be enough elves to finish all the toys in time.

Santa Rummy: Well, one celebrates Christmas with the toys he has rather than the toys he wishes he had.

Elf Foreman: Right. Along those lines it's kind of hard to know what toys we need to make if you don't take the time to read the letters from the children.

Santa Rummy: It's not really necessary to the broader strategic initiative.

Elf Foreman: But how will we know what to make?

Santa Rummy: That's unknowable. There are knowns and known unknowns. That's a known unknown.

Elf Foreman: Then how will you know where to deliver these toys?

Santa Rummy: That's easy. We know where the children are. They're in the area to the North, the South and the East around the North Pole.

Elf Foreman: But Sir...

Santa Rummy holds up his hand.

Santa Rummy: Enough! We aren't going to go off henny-penny planning when the children will greet us as liberators. Now get to work. Oh, one more thing.

Elf Foreman: Yes, Sir?

Santa Rummy: Herbie, that elf that keeps talking about wanting to be a dentist. I want you to review the "don't ask, don't tell policy."

Elf Foreman: I admit he's annoying but he just doesn't want to make toys. I don't think he goes in for candy canes or anything.

Santa Rummy: Sure he doesn't. Sure.